Burned Out

I am so tired. So many things to do, so little energy and time. My february calendar is full. Each square is filled with something. This is one of those days where i feel i can't take it anymore. This is one of those days when I think I must be crazy to take on such a horrendously big responsibility.

To add all the things that I do to what I already am supposed to do seems to me like I'm asking for trouble. However, just this morningi was reading in the Quran, "..wealth and children are adornments in this life..." and Ibn Kathir's tafseer went on to say that we shouldn't be too busy with them, or too obsessed with gainin material wealth just for them that we neglect out duties. It's weird. I can't think, off the top of my head where someone would actually abandon their duties in excessive love of their kids, but I guess it does happen, and maybe happens a lot, depending on how you interpret that.

Ever since H started Kindergarten and S went up to third grade, things have been very hectic for me. I actually love the hustle and bustle because i feel that it keeps me on my feet, but of course there are times when I just feel like throwing in the towel. Ok. Maybe several times in a month. Or more.

From teaching a second grader and a kindergartener, I am now teaching a kindergartener, a first grader, and a third grader about to sit for a reading and math test in March! The test preparations are what is driving me up the wall. i don't really care truth be told if she aces it or not, as long as I know she knows what she needs to know. Tests no longer accurately predict a child's abilities. They probably never do for that matter.

There's the exam coming up for moi. There're the study sessions I have to attend twice a week every week till the exam. Then there's the conference coming up. Then there's the new effort to do da'wah in our community. There's the things i signed S up for. Spelling bee, writing workshop and engineering day. And to top it off, ear hubby is sitting for his candidacy. Suddenly, everything's just going through a bottleneck. (yeah, haven't heard that term since I took Pascal 100 back in 94/95)

And then, there's the possibility that I might be with child. Yup. I was wrong that one month, which really shook me up, and I hope I'm wrong again this month, though i think I might not be. Whatever it is, I don't want to get all worked up. I'll give it about a week or more before I accept reality. However, the thought of a baby does give me floating bubbles and sweet smelling flowers. Oh well, whatever Allah gives us is fine. Alhamdulillah. if it is true, i can't recolor my hair again. that box will just have to wait for another three years before i touch it. Might have to give it to someone.

Ok. Enough 'venting'. Back to my 'loooooong' day. Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal. Won't be telling MIL though. She'll just worry after seeing my almost pulling my hair out handling the kids every day.