"Ummi, there's a tarantula on Abi's pants on the red chair in your room," said S.
Inwardly I began to think of how obsessed she is with tarantulas. The kids have been saying they had seen tarantulas in my room for days now. At first I had taken it seriously but one day I found a rubber spider lying at the bottom of the stairs, and immediately concluded that that was what the kids had probably seen. So I asked her,
"Ok, now tell me how big it is," my face took on a biased disbelieving look.
"This big," she said, putting her index finger and thumb together.
Ok so maybe it's not the big rubber spider, I thought. My face probably changed from taunting disbelief to confused and worried.
"It's red and black," she added.
"Is it a black widow?" I asked, alarmed, while H started to chant and chatter about how poisonous it is.
"Well, it's hairy. Black with red smudges," S said.
My brows knitted in a confused frown. I don't know what to make of it. I'm opposed to eradicating spiders because they help eradicate other bugs in the house. I keep thinking about the spider in the cave that helped deceive the mushrikoon.
There I was standing with a confused and worried expression, thinking how can I go to bed knowing there's a hairy black and red spider lurking around. Thoughts of rotting limbs flashed in my head. Suddenly a chirpy voice cleaved my swirling thoughts,
"Go to Google!" H said, in as cheerful a manner as possible, dimple flashing and a proud expression pasted on his face. Apparently he had come up with a solution for his poor confused mother!
Friday, December 30, 2005
Monday, December 26, 2005
Greetings and Kissing
Namaste, bowing at a 90 degree angle, bowing at 45 degree angle or prostrating all the way to the ground. Every culture has its own way of greeting each other. In the Malay culture, the way of greeting is an extension of both hands which gently and gracefully turns into a respectful handshake followed by kissing of the older person's hands.
My children simply refuses to perform this act of greeting and it bothers me to no end. Of course now that I think back, I had never consciously or directly taught them to do this since they were small because we were living here in the United States where malay culture is not the main stream culture. Sure, I could have surrounded myself with Malays and trained my children to behave accordingly. Unfortunately, I'm not that faithful to the Malay culture myself, thinking that I need to disassociate myself from it because I could plainly see the bad parts of it. I began to see where culture stubbornly overlaps Islam and obscures it. I began to see the ignorance hovering in front of my eyes all these years and I fought to erase it. I began to delve into the international community and drop most of the cultural practices I was raised with.
Shaking hands and kissing them no longer appeared preferable to me. Instead I familiarized myself with the handshake that dissolved into hugs and kisses on the cheeks. In fact it occured to me that hand kissing is dangerously close to an act of worship, though the fact that it actually does or does not lies not in my hands. I can see it as being cultural though.
Recently, we have been mingling more with our malay counterparts and a problem situated itself in our midst. We realized that our children are lacking manners in the cultural sense, the malay culture. I began to check the balance and saw that I had been quite unjust in judging my own culture. Everytime I'm faced with a conflict I tell myself to go back to ground zero, which is the Quran and Sunnah. So I did. It was then that I realized that it's categorised under manners and respecting the elders. So frantically I taught my children to shake hands the way we do in the malay culture, though we didn't press them so much in the hand kissing part. In fact, S outrightly insisted that she didn't want to do it because it's like bowing to somebody. Inside, I actually felt relieved she didn't feel the need to conform to something just because it's the accepted norm. I also felt glad that she actually has a reason to back up her whys.
Still, we have problems getting the children to go and greet people in the first place. They didn't appear to like company in big groups. It takes time for them to warm up to people and they really disliked people looking at them and proclaiming their cuteness and what nots. It is at these times that I kicked myself for not having instilled these malay cultural practices in my children since they were small. The objective behind the cultural practice is good because it teaches the young to respect the old, though I personally think there's too much reverence involved. However, since it's so ingrained in the culture, when I do go back home, I will be obliged to do it their way so as not to offend, but then again, I only do it to my parents and parent in laws and of course my grandmothers.
H adamantly refused to shake hands and when I asked him why, he said,
"Their hands might be dirty."
The first thing that came to my mind when he said this was OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I don't think he has it, but I think he was simply making up excuses. Then he gave another excuse,
"They were laughing at me," he said, eyes threatening to spill out tears.
I restrained the exasperation and anger coursing through me and proceeded to tell him about emulating the prophet Muhammad SAW. Manners are an important part of Islam that most Muslims today do not possess. We are too consumed with the barriers between us such as nationality, wahabism, cultural backgrounds and what nots to see that our ummah is actually a beautiful piece of woven cloth of many colored threads.
N said yesterday,
"Some people don't look like Muslims."
I asked her,
"How is a Muslim supposed to look like?"
"White and wears hijab," she replied.
I wanted to laugh but I didn't. So i told them how Islam is beautiful and special in that anyone can be a Muslim regardless of color, race and nationality.
In the end, I somehow managed to have H agree to at least try and greet people with a handshake. His nods comforted me even though I know they might not amount to anything at all. S and N are already on a roll shaking hands with people though they omitted the kiss. I cringe inside when I see some Malays shoving their hands up to my girls' head in preparation to be kissed. The girls never responded with the kisses and I just stood there not knowing what to do. My mother in law does that too, to her sons and to me. My stepfather on the other hand, always quickly takes his hand away before I could kiss it. My own mother never requires me to even shake her hand and kiss them. She envelops me in a hug instead. I suppose if we were Japanese, we would be required to bow down. Imagine the dilemma I'd be faced with then.
My children simply refuses to perform this act of greeting and it bothers me to no end. Of course now that I think back, I had never consciously or directly taught them to do this since they were small because we were living here in the United States where malay culture is not the main stream culture. Sure, I could have surrounded myself with Malays and trained my children to behave accordingly. Unfortunately, I'm not that faithful to the Malay culture myself, thinking that I need to disassociate myself from it because I could plainly see the bad parts of it. I began to see where culture stubbornly overlaps Islam and obscures it. I began to see the ignorance hovering in front of my eyes all these years and I fought to erase it. I began to delve into the international community and drop most of the cultural practices I was raised with.
Shaking hands and kissing them no longer appeared preferable to me. Instead I familiarized myself with the handshake that dissolved into hugs and kisses on the cheeks. In fact it occured to me that hand kissing is dangerously close to an act of worship, though the fact that it actually does or does not lies not in my hands. I can see it as being cultural though.
Recently, we have been mingling more with our malay counterparts and a problem situated itself in our midst. We realized that our children are lacking manners in the cultural sense, the malay culture. I began to check the balance and saw that I had been quite unjust in judging my own culture. Everytime I'm faced with a conflict I tell myself to go back to ground zero, which is the Quran and Sunnah. So I did. It was then that I realized that it's categorised under manners and respecting the elders. So frantically I taught my children to shake hands the way we do in the malay culture, though we didn't press them so much in the hand kissing part. In fact, S outrightly insisted that she didn't want to do it because it's like bowing to somebody. Inside, I actually felt relieved she didn't feel the need to conform to something just because it's the accepted norm. I also felt glad that she actually has a reason to back up her whys.
Still, we have problems getting the children to go and greet people in the first place. They didn't appear to like company in big groups. It takes time for them to warm up to people and they really disliked people looking at them and proclaiming their cuteness and what nots. It is at these times that I kicked myself for not having instilled these malay cultural practices in my children since they were small. The objective behind the cultural practice is good because it teaches the young to respect the old, though I personally think there's too much reverence involved. However, since it's so ingrained in the culture, when I do go back home, I will be obliged to do it their way so as not to offend, but then again, I only do it to my parents and parent in laws and of course my grandmothers.
H adamantly refused to shake hands and when I asked him why, he said,
"Their hands might be dirty."
The first thing that came to my mind when he said this was OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I don't think he has it, but I think he was simply making up excuses. Then he gave another excuse,
"They were laughing at me," he said, eyes threatening to spill out tears.
I restrained the exasperation and anger coursing through me and proceeded to tell him about emulating the prophet Muhammad SAW. Manners are an important part of Islam that most Muslims today do not possess. We are too consumed with the barriers between us such as nationality, wahabism, cultural backgrounds and what nots to see that our ummah is actually a beautiful piece of woven cloth of many colored threads.
N said yesterday,
"Some people don't look like Muslims."
I asked her,
"How is a Muslim supposed to look like?"
"White and wears hijab," she replied.
I wanted to laugh but I didn't. So i told them how Islam is beautiful and special in that anyone can be a Muslim regardless of color, race and nationality.
In the end, I somehow managed to have H agree to at least try and greet people with a handshake. His nods comforted me even though I know they might not amount to anything at all. S and N are already on a roll shaking hands with people though they omitted the kiss. I cringe inside when I see some Malays shoving their hands up to my girls' head in preparation to be kissed. The girls never responded with the kisses and I just stood there not knowing what to do. My mother in law does that too, to her sons and to me. My stepfather on the other hand, always quickly takes his hand away before I could kiss it. My own mother never requires me to even shake her hand and kiss them. She envelops me in a hug instead. I suppose if we were Japanese, we would be required to bow down. Imagine the dilemma I'd be faced with then.
My Girls' Writings
Sand monster
Once there was a boy & girl named Larry & Marry.
One sunny day they were SO hot!
They had to eat popsicles or ice-cream!
While Larry & Marry ate they went in the sandbox & they saw an ugly shape of a monster! AAH! cried Larry, the younger one. Don't be silly! said Marry gently, it's just a picture of a monster. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? RUN! cried Marry, the older one. But do know that MY brother cried:AAH! like Larry?
The End
One sunny day they were SO hot!
They had to eat popsicles or ice-cream!
While Larry & Marry ate they went in the sandbox & they saw an ugly shape of a monster! AAH! cried Larry, the younger one. Don't be silly! said Marry gently, it's just a picture of a monster. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? RUN! cried Marry, the older one. But do know that MY brother cried:AAH! like Larry?
The End
By N
THE WATER MONSTER!
There were two boys, one was 7 and the other one was 10. They had 1 sister, the boys name were Harry & Tom, Tom was the oldest. They were going to go to the beach today and the were so excited. Their sister, Torry, was 9 and liked to scare Harry. She had a plan for the trick she was going to do to Harry. But, Harry didn't know it. When they got to the ocean, Torry dove into the water without the boys knowing it. She was the best swimmer among them all. When Harry finaly looked at the water she burst up, but when she did it was like a wave coming up, so Harry thought she was a real monster! She went back down as quickly as she came up. AHHHHH! screamed Harry. Tom asked : "What is the matter? Harry said :"I saw a monster! Tom said :"oh really? after that he asked mom where Torry was. Mom said : "She went in the water. Tom called :"Torry did you trick Harry again! Silence. Torry finaly came out and said:"You caught me again, Tom! They grinned at each other and both said:"Silly Harry!
The End!
By S
There were two boys, one was 7 and the other one was 10. They had 1 sister, the boys name were Harry & Tom, Tom was the oldest. They were going to go to the beach today and the were so excited. Their sister, Torry, was 9 and liked to scare Harry. She had a plan for the trick she was going to do to Harry. But, Harry didn't know it. When they got to the ocean, Torry dove into the water without the boys knowing it. She was the best swimmer among them all. When Harry finaly looked at the water she burst up, but when she did it was like a wave coming up, so Harry thought she was a real monster! She went back down as quickly as she came up. AHHHHH! screamed Harry. Tom asked : "What is the matter? Harry said :"I saw a monster! Tom said :"oh really? after that he asked mom where Torry was. Mom said : "She went in the water. Tom called :"Torry did you trick Harry again! Silence. Torry finaly came out and said:"You caught me again, Tom! They grinned at each other and both said:"Silly Harry!
The End!
By S
My kids have their own blogs, but I really hesitate to link them here just because the internet is such a dangerous place. So I'll have to be content with simply putting up some of their work on this blog. These two recent pieces of writings really surprised me. S claimed she didn't like to write, but I think she actually does. She just doesn't want to do it under pressure. N on the other hand likes to write AND draw, especialy draw. What surprised me about these two pieces is the improvement apparent from their sentence structure and story line. S had been reading a lot lately and I can see her writing improving a lot from before. N has her own 'voice' as she does in everything else. S is more of a 'follow-the-rules' kind of person, which at times inhibits her creativity in coming up with an idea and going through with it. In this regard she is very much like me. I remember being stumped after art class, not knowing what to draw because the teacher had told us to draw anything we want. The only time I remember getting an A in art class was when we had to do a stamping activity with cut potatoes. I had chosen black paint and carved the potato myself. To me, my work looked horrendous but surprisingly I received an A. I can see S's difficulty in coming up with an idea of her own and everytime it brings back memories of my own struggle. It's like, I can't be told exactly what to do, because that would inhibit my so called creativity, yet if given the freedom of creating my own artwork, I would just sit there dumbfounded, grappling at empty air.
F had said to S last night, while she sat in the swivel chair in front of the computer,
"Just write. You can always fix it later, but just write."
She did and that was she came up with, which is pretty good for a first draft. I'll let her off this time, without actually making her do a second or final draft. She's currently working on writing a report on penguins and I don't want to put a damper on her effort. I'll let her free write just so she could get a release from the restraining inhibitions I had passed down to her, and then maybe after she's used to it, we'll work on finessing her work.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Extension
It does irk me, a lot, when the assumption that one does nothing when she stays at home is thrown at me or anybody else for that matter. Thinking back, even when the kids weren't of school-going age, I wasn't doing nothing. Of course housekeeping is considered so trivial that it is looked down upon in this era as something a woman should not be doing if she has good brains. I won't argue with that but there is more to housekeeping. The organization required is usually waved off as being insignificant, but really, if an educated person thinks about it, it actually employs significant use of the brain in order to keep house in an efficient manner.
I was told,
"You have brains. You need to go out there and teach people."
I answered,
"The more reason I should stay home and teach my kids."
Pondering deeper, I have to say I don't outrightly disagree with the suggestion, but what bothers me is the attitude towards educating our own children. In my humble opinion, all mothers should be educated so that they can educate their own children. Sure, they can outsource their assets to the community, but not at the expense of their own children. It is, when it all boils down to it, a matter of opinion, but I feel like I'm fighting for a reviving group of mothers who are 'looked down' upon just because they chose to stay home, especially if they have degrees. Issue of money and cost of living aside, I think the matter should be given deeper thought and consideration and not just waved off as something unwise and stupid.
However, one works for one family might not work for another. What works for one person might not work for another. Variety is always existent in this world of ours. In fact it's essential. So not everyone should be doing the same thing, but we shouldn't assume things about others and put it into words and action. I may not be one of those people who always say what they think whenever the moment arises, but only because upon observation, I don't always deem it appropriate for me to give a 'one-answer-fits-all' kind of response. People might be insulted in some cases and it takes more than one conversation to make some people understand. I suppose it's a struggle I have to wend myself through.
I was brought to attention yesterday by a sister's comment. I said to her,
"My husband always says how good your sons are, masyaallah."
She cut me in midsentence and insisted that it was nothing and then said,
"I don't want to say my children are good, because today they might be good, but in the future, who knows."
It struck me, deep. She's right. Children are trials sent to us by Allah. What we do with them is the test. The way I was thinking was that I need to know that my toil has some results, but one can never be sure and should not feel too assured about it. In fact, that reminds me of the time when I adamantly insisted that we say Bismillah before we eat. I was probably 10 years old. 5 or more years later, I must say I wasn't a model child a parent would be proud of. Whenever my children display any good behavior, I revel in the goodness bestowed by Allah, but I keep trying to remind myself that it can always turn out the other way, even if just for a moment, because in actual fact, they are a test from Allah.
In yesterday's halaqa, the ending conclusion on our seerah session was, when things get difficult, to the point of appearing to be too much to bear, it's a sign that victory is near.
I was told,
"You have brains. You need to go out there and teach people."
I answered,
"The more reason I should stay home and teach my kids."
Pondering deeper, I have to say I don't outrightly disagree with the suggestion, but what bothers me is the attitude towards educating our own children. In my humble opinion, all mothers should be educated so that they can educate their own children. Sure, they can outsource their assets to the community, but not at the expense of their own children. It is, when it all boils down to it, a matter of opinion, but I feel like I'm fighting for a reviving group of mothers who are 'looked down' upon just because they chose to stay home, especially if they have degrees. Issue of money and cost of living aside, I think the matter should be given deeper thought and consideration and not just waved off as something unwise and stupid.
However, one works for one family might not work for another. What works for one person might not work for another. Variety is always existent in this world of ours. In fact it's essential. So not everyone should be doing the same thing, but we shouldn't assume things about others and put it into words and action. I may not be one of those people who always say what they think whenever the moment arises, but only because upon observation, I don't always deem it appropriate for me to give a 'one-answer-fits-all' kind of response. People might be insulted in some cases and it takes more than one conversation to make some people understand. I suppose it's a struggle I have to wend myself through.
I was brought to attention yesterday by a sister's comment. I said to her,
"My husband always says how good your sons are, masyaallah."
She cut me in midsentence and insisted that it was nothing and then said,
"I don't want to say my children are good, because today they might be good, but in the future, who knows."
It struck me, deep. She's right. Children are trials sent to us by Allah. What we do with them is the test. The way I was thinking was that I need to know that my toil has some results, but one can never be sure and should not feel too assured about it. In fact, that reminds me of the time when I adamantly insisted that we say Bismillah before we eat. I was probably 10 years old. 5 or more years later, I must say I wasn't a model child a parent would be proud of. Whenever my children display any good behavior, I revel in the goodness bestowed by Allah, but I keep trying to remind myself that it can always turn out the other way, even if just for a moment, because in actual fact, they are a test from Allah.
In yesterday's halaqa, the ending conclusion on our seerah session was, when things get difficult, to the point of appearing to be too much to bear, it's a sign that victory is near.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Why Don't You Work?
We stayed at friends' houses during the trip to the east coast. Only one family was an old friend that we already knew before. The rest were new people who we just came to know on the trip.
A question that I haven't been asked for quite some time because I haven't met any Malaysians for quite some time popped up again and again during the trip,
"Why don't you work?"
"I homeschool the kids," I replied, but it went on deaf ears and I only found out later on that they didn't know what homeschooling was! Only after they knew did they acknowledge me staying home for a reason and not simply idling my time away.
Of course the next logical question came up,
"Why?"
This question, I refrained from answering right away, simply because it takes hikmah to do so. I didn't want to imply that sending kids to public school would necessarily result in rotten apples because it doesn't, but there's always that unspoken implication lingering in the air after the word homeschooling pops up. Of course then they brought up issues of social interactions, which I am struggling with for the kids, but insyaallah getting better over time.
I can't help but feel at least slightly annoyed at being thrown the assumption that staying home is generally idling away. At least to the Malay culture it is, and I understand that. In the Malay culture, pursuit of a career is one of the ultimate goals in life. If not career, then money. Of course there's always two sides of a coin, but then again, what works for one family might not necessarily work for another. Each of us decide our own priorities and act according to that.
Thank goodness I have gotten over my 'down time' of homeschooling before I was faced with these questions. Otherwise I might have caved in and give up homeschooling altogether. However, I do see the effects in the kids. I can happily say that my kids don't know the Disney Fairy Tales characters like the back of their hands. I can also happily say that they insyaallah can use good judgment in conflicting scnearios.
We had left them with the other kids in the apartment to go shopping in Morgantown. The TV was on. The channel that was on was not exactly my cup of tea, but it was not my house, so I kept silent. The kids know by now that I don't particularly like them watching certain cartoons. When we got home, the other kids were perched in front of the TV watching a video clip and I found my three kids in the room playing by themselves.
"Why weren't you guys out there playing with the other kids?" I asked them. i was growing incredulously perturbed by my kids introvert nature.
"They were watching music," said S.
A feeling of gratefulness showered me and instantly I praised them for using good judgment. I couldn't help but feel grateful to Allah for showing me some benefit of my toil all these years.
Christman concerts and parties are rampant at this time of year in schools. During our trip, the kids of our friends were mostly involved in choirs and concerts. I didn't exactly express my opinion on the participation, but mostly felt somewhat 'bad' for not seeing it as a trivial matter as they seem to.
Having my kids participate in a simple concert, let alone one associated with Christmas would greatly drive me nuts. I tried looking at it in a neutral manner, in order to put myself in these parents' shoes, but I couldn't help feeling somber. Maybe all these participation in these 'trivial' celebrations wouldn't affect the kids' aqeedah per se, but surely, they affect the kids' heart somewhat, don't they?
I can't help but think they do. F eased the wrinkles of doubt in my heart by saying just that. The parents were having a discussion on how muscial instruments actually help the brain's focus on math. In silence, I listened and felt somewhat like a misfit due to my position on musical instruments in Islam. Later on, I related the conversation to F, who simply responded,
"What's the effect on the heart?"
I always think to myself,
"These Muslim kids who go to public school really seem alright to me. What't the difference? Should I be doing this at all?"
But then we never really know. Another aspect to it is, it is Allah who Guides. No matter what we do, if He doesn't guide us, we're doomed. My kids can turn out either way, but it's Allah who truly decides and my part in it is to simply do my best and keep at my duas. Dua is a very powerful tool, but most of us forget because of its seeming intangibility.
When our tire went flat in the rolling hills of Virginia during the trip, I told the kids to fervently make dua to Allah to help us out. They did. ALl the time during the trip they did and the matter of dua came up several times. One time, while they were talking about making wishes, I directed the issue towards dua.
"I wish we have a baby sister like H---," said S, who has apparently fallen in love with little baby H.
"You know what you can do?" I said, thinking it a great opportunity to direct all these western culture to Islam.
"Instead of 'wishing' it, you can ask Allah right away. Allah is right there waiting for you to ask. Make dua," and I can tell the significance of it immediately sunk in with S at least for she was silent and Allah knows, maybe she did make a dua for little baby sister. As for my preferences, well that's a whole 'nother story.
A question that I haven't been asked for quite some time because I haven't met any Malaysians for quite some time popped up again and again during the trip,
"Why don't you work?"
"I homeschool the kids," I replied, but it went on deaf ears and I only found out later on that they didn't know what homeschooling was! Only after they knew did they acknowledge me staying home for a reason and not simply idling my time away.
Of course the next logical question came up,
"Why?"
This question, I refrained from answering right away, simply because it takes hikmah to do so. I didn't want to imply that sending kids to public school would necessarily result in rotten apples because it doesn't, but there's always that unspoken implication lingering in the air after the word homeschooling pops up. Of course then they brought up issues of social interactions, which I am struggling with for the kids, but insyaallah getting better over time.
I can't help but feel at least slightly annoyed at being thrown the assumption that staying home is generally idling away. At least to the Malay culture it is, and I understand that. In the Malay culture, pursuit of a career is one of the ultimate goals in life. If not career, then money. Of course there's always two sides of a coin, but then again, what works for one family might not necessarily work for another. Each of us decide our own priorities and act according to that.
Thank goodness I have gotten over my 'down time' of homeschooling before I was faced with these questions. Otherwise I might have caved in and give up homeschooling altogether. However, I do see the effects in the kids. I can happily say that my kids don't know the Disney Fairy Tales characters like the back of their hands. I can also happily say that they insyaallah can use good judgment in conflicting scnearios.
We had left them with the other kids in the apartment to go shopping in Morgantown. The TV was on. The channel that was on was not exactly my cup of tea, but it was not my house, so I kept silent. The kids know by now that I don't particularly like them watching certain cartoons. When we got home, the other kids were perched in front of the TV watching a video clip and I found my three kids in the room playing by themselves.
"Why weren't you guys out there playing with the other kids?" I asked them. i was growing incredulously perturbed by my kids introvert nature.
"They were watching music," said S.
A feeling of gratefulness showered me and instantly I praised them for using good judgment. I couldn't help but feel grateful to Allah for showing me some benefit of my toil all these years.
Christman concerts and parties are rampant at this time of year in schools. During our trip, the kids of our friends were mostly involved in choirs and concerts. I didn't exactly express my opinion on the participation, but mostly felt somewhat 'bad' for not seeing it as a trivial matter as they seem to.
Having my kids participate in a simple concert, let alone one associated with Christmas would greatly drive me nuts. I tried looking at it in a neutral manner, in order to put myself in these parents' shoes, but I couldn't help feeling somber. Maybe all these participation in these 'trivial' celebrations wouldn't affect the kids' aqeedah per se, but surely, they affect the kids' heart somewhat, don't they?
I can't help but think they do. F eased the wrinkles of doubt in my heart by saying just that. The parents were having a discussion on how muscial instruments actually help the brain's focus on math. In silence, I listened and felt somewhat like a misfit due to my position on musical instruments in Islam. Later on, I related the conversation to F, who simply responded,
"What's the effect on the heart?"
I always think to myself,
"These Muslim kids who go to public school really seem alright to me. What't the difference? Should I be doing this at all?"
But then we never really know. Another aspect to it is, it is Allah who Guides. No matter what we do, if He doesn't guide us, we're doomed. My kids can turn out either way, but it's Allah who truly decides and my part in it is to simply do my best and keep at my duas. Dua is a very powerful tool, but most of us forget because of its seeming intangibility.
When our tire went flat in the rolling hills of Virginia during the trip, I told the kids to fervently make dua to Allah to help us out. They did. ALl the time during the trip they did and the matter of dua came up several times. One time, while they were talking about making wishes, I directed the issue towards dua.
"I wish we have a baby sister like H---," said S, who has apparently fallen in love with little baby H.
"You know what you can do?" I said, thinking it a great opportunity to direct all these western culture to Islam.
"Instead of 'wishing' it, you can ask Allah right away. Allah is right there waiting for you to ask. Make dua," and I can tell the significance of it immediately sunk in with S at least for she was silent and Allah knows, maybe she did make a dua for little baby sister. As for my preferences, well that's a whole 'nother story.
Visiting Museums
On our recent trip to the east coast, we indulged in museum hopping, thanks to our COSI membership cards. Pittsburgh is a beautiful city with its breathtaking sceneries. We had wanted to enter the Carnegie Mellon Museum but learned that it was not free, so we simply spent an hour looking for the masjid and left for Morgantown, West Virginia.
However, when we arrived in Philadelphia, some friends told us that we could get in free in some science museums if we already have a membership with one in any state. The first museum we went to in Philadelphia was The Academy of Natural Sciences.
I had planned on going to the Adventure Aquarium despite my silly fear of the sharks, but later on changed my mind and chose the museums instead. I think it was a very good choice. One because they turned out to be free for us, and it proved to be a great learning experience for the kids. Plus, I didn't have sharks swimming right above and around us. I would have been left with months of trauma in my own bathroom.
The Academy of Natural Sciences was a really good teaching museum. The kids participated in scavenger hunts which I happened to pounce upon. In each section of the museum, they provided sheets of scavenger hunt questions and pencils for the little visitors. At first, the kids were simply roaming around the museum and it appeared to me that they were growing bored. The scavenger hunt positively channeled their energy into learning and hunting for information, especially for H, who was running around and driving me to exasperation. S, with her love of animals was in animal heaven, especially when we got to the Outside In section of the museum. Even I thoroughly enjoyed myself petting a big fluffy rabbit and an albino guinea pig.
The kids even asked questions! That was a real bonus for me because my kids are shy, very much like I was in my childhood, and even now at times. I could see S shining with exuberance in that environment, taking in the information with enthusiasm.
Our next stop after that was the Franklin Institute Science Museum. They were having the controversial Bodyworks exhibit up till April 23. However, with our COSI membership, we were only allowed to peruse the museum and not that particular exhibit, without paying more. We didn't get into the IMAX theaters either, which was fine because by then, we had to rush in order to beat the traffic getting out of Philly. It was a real pity too because we didn't get to fully peruse the museum before we had to leave.
I personally loved the Big Heart section, where a big model of a heart was erected through which we could walk into the atriums and ventricles. S had an ultrasound done to see her pulse. We saw real brains of a mouse, sheep and humans, one of which was from a person with Alzheimer. We found out that the kids have about 5 cups of blood in their bodies, me 15 cups and F 20 cups. The kids really enjoyed themselves, and so did we. It was a very good optimization of the trip.
Earlier in the morning, we had visited the Liberty Bell and the Independence Hall, but the kids weren't that interested. I could see why. That would require a totally different approach. Maybe later I can jog their memory from the snapshots I took during that historical tour.
Philadelphia is a costly city. However, I did miss it though as we left it and headed towards West Chester to stay at a friend's house. The kids however, gained new friends in West Chester and it simply warms my heart to see them forming friendships. We left for New York City on Thursday. I had wanted to visit Ellis Island to see the Immigration Museum since the kids are learning about that, but it was too cold, and our plan was not that well organized. We ended up driving around Manhattan in bone chilling weather amidst the crazy honking and drove to Vienna Virginia that very night.
Nevertheless, Staten Island, which was our first stop in New York, provided us with another learning experience at the Children's Museum. The kids got another go at petting a guinea pig. If we were living in a house, I would have gone and gotten us a guinea pig for a pet.
Washington D.C. was our final stop for touring. We didn't go to the Memorials as F thinks it silly to park and simply take pictures at memorials, so we went to the Naval Air and Space Museum. It turned out to be another beneficial visit, alhamdulillah. N at least learned about the Wright brothers.
I had wanted to at least visit the Lincoln Memorial, but it was raining and we had to beat the traffic (again) so we forgoed that.
Just yesterday we made a map of our trip. N proved to have a canny map reading ability. The poster is yet to be finished but it seemed to pique their interest, which is always a good sign in acquiring anything.
However, when we arrived in Philadelphia, some friends told us that we could get in free in some science museums if we already have a membership with one in any state. The first museum we went to in Philadelphia was The Academy of Natural Sciences.
I had planned on going to the Adventure Aquarium despite my silly fear of the sharks, but later on changed my mind and chose the museums instead. I think it was a very good choice. One because they turned out to be free for us, and it proved to be a great learning experience for the kids. Plus, I didn't have sharks swimming right above and around us. I would have been left with months of trauma in my own bathroom.
The Academy of Natural Sciences was a really good teaching museum. The kids participated in scavenger hunts which I happened to pounce upon. In each section of the museum, they provided sheets of scavenger hunt questions and pencils for the little visitors. At first, the kids were simply roaming around the museum and it appeared to me that they were growing bored. The scavenger hunt positively channeled their energy into learning and hunting for information, especially for H, who was running around and driving me to exasperation. S, with her love of animals was in animal heaven, especially when we got to the Outside In section of the museum. Even I thoroughly enjoyed myself petting a big fluffy rabbit and an albino guinea pig.
The kids even asked questions! That was a real bonus for me because my kids are shy, very much like I was in my childhood, and even now at times. I could see S shining with exuberance in that environment, taking in the information with enthusiasm.
Our next stop after that was the Franklin Institute Science Museum. They were having the controversial Bodyworks exhibit up till April 23. However, with our COSI membership, we were only allowed to peruse the museum and not that particular exhibit, without paying more. We didn't get into the IMAX theaters either, which was fine because by then, we had to rush in order to beat the traffic getting out of Philly. It was a real pity too because we didn't get to fully peruse the museum before we had to leave.
I personally loved the Big Heart section, where a big model of a heart was erected through which we could walk into the atriums and ventricles. S had an ultrasound done to see her pulse. We saw real brains of a mouse, sheep and humans, one of which was from a person with Alzheimer. We found out that the kids have about 5 cups of blood in their bodies, me 15 cups and F 20 cups. The kids really enjoyed themselves, and so did we. It was a very good optimization of the trip.
Earlier in the morning, we had visited the Liberty Bell and the Independence Hall, but the kids weren't that interested. I could see why. That would require a totally different approach. Maybe later I can jog their memory from the snapshots I took during that historical tour.
Philadelphia is a costly city. However, I did miss it though as we left it and headed towards West Chester to stay at a friend's house. The kids however, gained new friends in West Chester and it simply warms my heart to see them forming friendships. We left for New York City on Thursday. I had wanted to visit Ellis Island to see the Immigration Museum since the kids are learning about that, but it was too cold, and our plan was not that well organized. We ended up driving around Manhattan in bone chilling weather amidst the crazy honking and drove to Vienna Virginia that very night.
Nevertheless, Staten Island, which was our first stop in New York, provided us with another learning experience at the Children's Museum. The kids got another go at petting a guinea pig. If we were living in a house, I would have gone and gotten us a guinea pig for a pet.
Washington D.C. was our final stop for touring. We didn't go to the Memorials as F thinks it silly to park and simply take pictures at memorials, so we went to the Naval Air and Space Museum. It turned out to be another beneficial visit, alhamdulillah. N at least learned about the Wright brothers.
I had wanted to at least visit the Lincoln Memorial, but it was raining and we had to beat the traffic (again) so we forgoed that.
Just yesterday we made a map of our trip. N proved to have a canny map reading ability. The poster is yet to be finished but it seemed to pique their interest, which is always a good sign in acquiring anything.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Taking a Break
Last Friday was not a very good day for me. I have been bogged down by this creeping feeling of unwillingness for months. Homeschooling is like a chore for me. I did't want to admit it, but I think I have lost the joy of being with them all the time. Where I used to enjoy and even look forward to spending time with them back when they were toddlers, I now sigh at the thought of having to sit with them and teach them every day . I kept it mainly to myself, and so far, this is my hardest struggle within myself.
I feel as if I don't have a choice. Islami school is too expensive. Public school is not even an option. So what else is left? Plus, I've seen the effect of homeschooling on my kids, and I have to say, when I least expect it, the effect is really magnified by other people's reactions to them. I can't help but be humbled by Allah's Grace and Power in such situations, because it truly feels like He is reminding me of the very reason of my chosen choice.
Many a times I question myself, does this benefit them at all? Are they getting anything out of this? Aren't they better off going to school and learning from others? But then I would see the bad influences from the public schools, however slight they are, and again I would be bogged down by the sole choice of homeschooling. Or, I would imagine myself sitting at home by myself while the kids sit in their classe in school, and I would feel such abhorrence for myself. Though I have to admit, it has been more than once that I wished they were at school and would just leave me to my own vices. Oh, the various things I could do while I am on my own sweet time. I can come up with an endless list that can bring a non disposable smile to my face.
I thought back to the time F and I went to Hawaii and left the kids here. For eight years we have never been separated from the kids and they from us. I thought it was about time it happened, and I thought I'd be happy with the break. I was, but I also realized, more so from last night, that the kids are very much a part of our lives that no matter how many miles separated us, their laughter, screams, chatter would always remain in our minds and hearts. Everytime we went somewhere in Oahu, I thought of how N would love this and how H would simply adore that and how S would really aprreciate that. It wasn't dampening to our 'belated honeymoon' but it was something to ponder on.
Last night, the kids went to a sleepover with a newly-arrived Malaysian family. F and I had the house all ot ourselves. We went out last night by ourselves. That was a real treat because all this time, we have always had to think of bringing the kids, and then leaving one of us home because it was too much of a hassle to bring them all. I have to honestly say that I truly enjoyed myself last night, but I missed them too, even if it was at the back of my mind.
This morning, we took the children back. I felt calmer. Maybe that was a much needed break that was long overdue for me. This is the hardest part of living overseas with no families nearby. You DO need a village to raise a child. I'm not a superwoman. Never will be and never ever want to be one.
I feel as if I don't have a choice. Islami school is too expensive. Public school is not even an option. So what else is left? Plus, I've seen the effect of homeschooling on my kids, and I have to say, when I least expect it, the effect is really magnified by other people's reactions to them. I can't help but be humbled by Allah's Grace and Power in such situations, because it truly feels like He is reminding me of the very reason of my chosen choice.
Many a times I question myself, does this benefit them at all? Are they getting anything out of this? Aren't they better off going to school and learning from others? But then I would see the bad influences from the public schools, however slight they are, and again I would be bogged down by the sole choice of homeschooling. Or, I would imagine myself sitting at home by myself while the kids sit in their classe in school, and I would feel such abhorrence for myself. Though I have to admit, it has been more than once that I wished they were at school and would just leave me to my own vices. Oh, the various things I could do while I am on my own sweet time. I can come up with an endless list that can bring a non disposable smile to my face.
I thought back to the time F and I went to Hawaii and left the kids here. For eight years we have never been separated from the kids and they from us. I thought it was about time it happened, and I thought I'd be happy with the break. I was, but I also realized, more so from last night, that the kids are very much a part of our lives that no matter how many miles separated us, their laughter, screams, chatter would always remain in our minds and hearts. Everytime we went somewhere in Oahu, I thought of how N would love this and how H would simply adore that and how S would really aprreciate that. It wasn't dampening to our 'belated honeymoon' but it was something to ponder on.
Last night, the kids went to a sleepover with a newly-arrived Malaysian family. F and I had the house all ot ourselves. We went out last night by ourselves. That was a real treat because all this time, we have always had to think of bringing the kids, and then leaving one of us home because it was too much of a hassle to bring them all. I have to honestly say that I truly enjoyed myself last night, but I missed them too, even if it was at the back of my mind.
This morning, we took the children back. I felt calmer. Maybe that was a much needed break that was long overdue for me. This is the hardest part of living overseas with no families nearby. You DO need a village to raise a child. I'm not a superwoman. Never will be and never ever want to be one.
Extra Prayer?
The method by which I'm training my kids to pray is what I call the assimilation method. When S turned 7, I gave her a choice to choose between two prayers. This method was introduced to me by a fellow homeschooler, who I have very high respect for. She chose Maghrib. The reason why I went for this method is because it introduces the training of prayer to a child in a non intimidating way. By being given a choice, the child hopefully won't feel pressured into doing it, and will feel that she has control. When I was trained to pray, I had to do all five and after a while, it felt like a chore. I won't go through what I did back when I was 'in training' for that includes many things I don't want my kids to do.
Ss S chose Maghrib. The deal was that she would only pray one prayer out of the whole five, but she has to do it every day, without fail. It's a commitment. I told her this and she agreed. I tried to make a big deal out of the whole thing too, by making her her own prayer garment from a fabric she chose herself. We also made her feel like she had attained a special level by joining us in the worship of Allah on a constant basis.
After about six months or so, I asked her if she was ready to add another prayer. She said she was and we added Asr. Now she's eight and we just recently added Fajr, upon her insistence. I had given her the other prayers as choices but she insisted on Fajr. Somehow, this child of mine is fascinated by the idea of waking up early in the morning and staying up, never to go to sleep again until it is time for bed. I relented after making sure I tell her what is entailed in that particular choice.
I had planned on making Fajr the last prayer for her but it seemed that she has her own mind. So be it.
Last October, N turned 7, though I still think of her as being five due to her character and height. Even F forgets that she is now seven and confidently answered,
"Five," when the lifeguard at the pool asked him how old N was.
At the moment, even I didn't interject immediately at his given response, and only after a few lingering minutes did it occur to me that N is not five, but seven. I said,
"N's not five. She's seven," to F, who simply looked blankly at me and then said,
"Oh."
Fancy that. Two parents who can't even remember how old their middle daughter is.
N is now doing Asr. So when I have my period, S and N will both do their prayers without me.
Just recently, I had told them to perform their Asr together. They went upstairs before me. After a while, I went upstairs to check on them, and S was already in the process of bowing and prostrating, while N was still putting on her prayer garment. It was to my horror that I saw S leaving her sister by praying first, because I know that N doesn't really know how to pray by herself yet. So I said to her,
"Oh no, N, do you know how to pray by yourself?"
Her face showed no perturbance, which is normal for her, and she simply said,
"No. But S is just doing her extra prayer,"
to which I immediately and confidently replied,
"No. She's not doing her extra prayer. She's already praying Asr. She doesn't know how to do extra prayer."
S was just finishing her last rakaah then and after giving the salams, she said to me,
"I was doing my extra prayer. I told N I was going to do my extra prayer."
I was too surprised to think straight and with a stupid expression on my face, asked,
"Why?"
"So she wouldn't worry," said S, as if I, as the mother, should have known that all along.
"Oh," was all I said, mouth still agape.
"You know how to do the extra prayer?" I asked her.
"How many standings did you do?" I asked her again.
"Two," she said.
"Oh...uh. Good," I said and left them to pray Asr together.
I left my two girls, feeling ultimate surprise and disbelief. It wasn't until much later that I praised S for doing the extra prayer, as I still didn't get over the disbelief in finding out that my eight year old is doing her extra prayer with not the slightest encouragement from the parents.
Ss S chose Maghrib. The deal was that she would only pray one prayer out of the whole five, but she has to do it every day, without fail. It's a commitment. I told her this and she agreed. I tried to make a big deal out of the whole thing too, by making her her own prayer garment from a fabric she chose herself. We also made her feel like she had attained a special level by joining us in the worship of Allah on a constant basis.
After about six months or so, I asked her if she was ready to add another prayer. She said she was and we added Asr. Now she's eight and we just recently added Fajr, upon her insistence. I had given her the other prayers as choices but she insisted on Fajr. Somehow, this child of mine is fascinated by the idea of waking up early in the morning and staying up, never to go to sleep again until it is time for bed. I relented after making sure I tell her what is entailed in that particular choice.
I had planned on making Fajr the last prayer for her but it seemed that she has her own mind. So be it.
Last October, N turned 7, though I still think of her as being five due to her character and height. Even F forgets that she is now seven and confidently answered,
"Five," when the lifeguard at the pool asked him how old N was.
At the moment, even I didn't interject immediately at his given response, and only after a few lingering minutes did it occur to me that N is not five, but seven. I said,
"N's not five. She's seven," to F, who simply looked blankly at me and then said,
"Oh."
Fancy that. Two parents who can't even remember how old their middle daughter is.
N is now doing Asr. So when I have my period, S and N will both do their prayers without me.
Just recently, I had told them to perform their Asr together. They went upstairs before me. After a while, I went upstairs to check on them, and S was already in the process of bowing and prostrating, while N was still putting on her prayer garment. It was to my horror that I saw S leaving her sister by praying first, because I know that N doesn't really know how to pray by herself yet. So I said to her,
"Oh no, N, do you know how to pray by yourself?"
Her face showed no perturbance, which is normal for her, and she simply said,
"No. But S is just doing her extra prayer,"
to which I immediately and confidently replied,
"No. She's not doing her extra prayer. She's already praying Asr. She doesn't know how to do extra prayer."
S was just finishing her last rakaah then and after giving the salams, she said to me,
"I was doing my extra prayer. I told N I was going to do my extra prayer."
I was too surprised to think straight and with a stupid expression on my face, asked,
"Why?"
"So she wouldn't worry," said S, as if I, as the mother, should have known that all along.
"Oh," was all I said, mouth still agape.
"You know how to do the extra prayer?" I asked her.
"How many standings did you do?" I asked her again.
"Two," she said.
"Oh...uh. Good," I said and left them to pray Asr together.
I left my two girls, feeling ultimate surprise and disbelief. It wasn't until much later that I praised S for doing the extra prayer, as I still didn't get over the disbelief in finding out that my eight year old is doing her extra prayer with not the slightest encouragement from the parents.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
The Reality of Homeschooling
Yesterday I delegated my homeschooling responsibilities to someone else. I was out the whole morning driving this new family to the health department, Education Center and school to settle their children's schools. So in return, their eldest son agreed to take over teaching my kids for the morning. I laid everything out for him the night before.
I got back home at around 11:30 am. He was still busy teaching the kids. The events of the morning included punishing H because he bothered his sisters(as usual). N was riled up by my notes that mentioned she tends to dawdle, and in turn, completed her work in record time. S did her work quite intensively late because she was busy helping their new teacher sort things out. All in all, they did pretty good.
M, (my replacement) said that he realized it wasn't easy to homeschool, and he just did it for that day! He told me that he had organized a tutoring session three times a week back home. But he admitted that homeschooling occurs everyday and he realized what a big feat it is to undertake. He then went on to tell me about his experiences going to a public school in the UK and his sister's. His sister apparently still hadn't adjusted to the changes and was quite affected, but he wasn't. He attributed the cause for his sister's resistance to the age and length she was enrolled in the school.
I had sent my kids to theri house to play with their kids. They had a game that employs the use of dice. I had taught my kids not to use the dice because it is so close to gambling, even if it's not gambling. The parent then told me that my kids, all of them in fact, had told them that they couldn't use the dice because "it's like gambling."
I have long realized the reality of homeschooling, and have in all honesty battled with it all this time. Am still battling, but being gradually assured that it's the right choice. We received S's test results and she scored 445 out of 550. She doesn't have to take the test again and in fact scored at Advanced. However, she only scored proficient for processing informational texts. That's the lowest she got, so I guess we have to work on extricating information out of informational texts. I had focused so much on literary texts that I had forgotten about informational texts. A good wake up call.
I got back home at around 11:30 am. He was still busy teaching the kids. The events of the morning included punishing H because he bothered his sisters(as usual). N was riled up by my notes that mentioned she tends to dawdle, and in turn, completed her work in record time. S did her work quite intensively late because she was busy helping their new teacher sort things out. All in all, they did pretty good.
M, (my replacement) said that he realized it wasn't easy to homeschool, and he just did it for that day! He told me that he had organized a tutoring session three times a week back home. But he admitted that homeschooling occurs everyday and he realized what a big feat it is to undertake. He then went on to tell me about his experiences going to a public school in the UK and his sister's. His sister apparently still hadn't adjusted to the changes and was quite affected, but he wasn't. He attributed the cause for his sister's resistance to the age and length she was enrolled in the school.
I had sent my kids to theri house to play with their kids. They had a game that employs the use of dice. I had taught my kids not to use the dice because it is so close to gambling, even if it's not gambling. The parent then told me that my kids, all of them in fact, had told them that they couldn't use the dice because "it's like gambling."
I have long realized the reality of homeschooling, and have in all honesty battled with it all this time. Am still battling, but being gradually assured that it's the right choice. We received S's test results and she scored 445 out of 550. She doesn't have to take the test again and in fact scored at Advanced. However, she only scored proficient for processing informational texts. That's the lowest she got, so I guess we have to work on extricating information out of informational texts. I had focused so much on literary texts that I had forgotten about informational texts. A good wake up call.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
My Eldest Daughter
S was born a howler. When she cried, she wailed. It was the kind of baby wail that would drive you mad and extricate curious stares and unsolicited advice. I abhorred those unsolicited advices and stares. It took all I could muster to calm myself and her.
When she was three, she would sulk and determinedly disobey me. "No," was one of her favorite words back then, leaving me speechless, at a loss and angry at her stubbornness. Her sulking face was and still is intolerable to me. I repeatedly told her not to let me see 'that face' for it would just drive me mad. I told her if she wanted to act all sulky and difficult, go do it where people can't see her or hear her. The frequency of that had significantly diminished throughout the years, though when it was still in a fair amount of frequency, I couldn't contain the anger I felt. It drove the rift between us bigger. I felt that she was too like me and I hated myself for it. I decidedly thought that I couldn't get along with her.
Now she's eight, and already reaching the lobe of my ears in height. She's much more matured now and much much more wise. In fact, her growth has been so significant that she keeps on surprising me almost everyday.
There was the time when she offered to give us her Eid money to pay us for taking them out despite our weariness.
Then there was her "Jazakallah Khair," to her father when he bought her something so small it was merely a trinket from the store.
Yesterday, I had let her spend her money, where with she bought My Litte Pony. At night, after I had put them to bed, I lingered in front of their bookshelf, flipping through their books, looking for ideas to write my own. Suddenly she leapt off the bed and hugged me, saying,
"Jazakillah khair."
Then there were her countless thoughtful notes and cards saying,
"Thank you for taking care of us, Ummi. I love you."
Just this morning she asked me, while I'm sitting on the bed facing this laptop, typing the previous entry,
"Ummi, do you want me to bring you some pancakes?"
I nodded, saying Jazakillah khair. She popped back, asking me,
"With syrup?"
I shook my head.
And here I am now, with an empty plate next to me, two pancakes being digested in my stomach, writing about my eldest daughter. Just last night I was thinking about her name, which meant tranquility. I thought if the names we give our children help in shaping their nature and personaliy. S surely wasn't tranquil when she was a baby, what with her wails and howls, but she seemed to now possess a thoughtful nature that never ceases to surprise and please me every day. My eldest daughter, my best friend, my helper, my first born, how could I have thought I couldn't get along with her?
When she was three, she would sulk and determinedly disobey me. "No," was one of her favorite words back then, leaving me speechless, at a loss and angry at her stubbornness. Her sulking face was and still is intolerable to me. I repeatedly told her not to let me see 'that face' for it would just drive me mad. I told her if she wanted to act all sulky and difficult, go do it where people can't see her or hear her. The frequency of that had significantly diminished throughout the years, though when it was still in a fair amount of frequency, I couldn't contain the anger I felt. It drove the rift between us bigger. I felt that she was too like me and I hated myself for it. I decidedly thought that I couldn't get along with her.
Now she's eight, and already reaching the lobe of my ears in height. She's much more matured now and much much more wise. In fact, her growth has been so significant that she keeps on surprising me almost everyday.
There was the time when she offered to give us her Eid money to pay us for taking them out despite our weariness.
Then there was her "Jazakallah Khair," to her father when he bought her something so small it was merely a trinket from the store.
Yesterday, I had let her spend her money, where with she bought My Litte Pony. At night, after I had put them to bed, I lingered in front of their bookshelf, flipping through their books, looking for ideas to write my own. Suddenly she leapt off the bed and hugged me, saying,
"Jazakillah khair."
Then there were her countless thoughtful notes and cards saying,
"Thank you for taking care of us, Ummi. I love you."
Just this morning she asked me, while I'm sitting on the bed facing this laptop, typing the previous entry,
"Ummi, do you want me to bring you some pancakes?"
I nodded, saying Jazakillah khair. She popped back, asking me,
"With syrup?"
I shook my head.
And here I am now, with an empty plate next to me, two pancakes being digested in my stomach, writing about my eldest daughter. Just last night I was thinking about her name, which meant tranquility. I thought if the names we give our children help in shaping their nature and personaliy. S surely wasn't tranquil when she was a baby, what with her wails and howls, but she seemed to now possess a thoughtful nature that never ceases to surprise and please me every day. My eldest daughter, my best friend, my helper, my first born, how could I have thought I couldn't get along with her?
Teaching Myself
We were at some friends' apartment last night for a feast and a halaqa. I hadn't actually prepared the kids with things to occupy them while we have the halaqa, so it's no wonder that they were bored and ransacked the house.
There we were sitting in a circle, reciting Quran, when a loud bang came from the room. I got up and went to see what damage my children had done to the host's apartment. When I entered the room, a sight I hadn't been prepared to face greeted me. The top of a coffee table was lying askew off the table's base and N was right in the middle of the mess.
Anger consumed me. My mouth started to berate them, while my hands worked to fix the damage done. Then it occurred to me that the kids needed something to occupy themselves with. So I asked for the host for some papers and pen.
I left them with their papers and pen. A few minutes later, S came out and whispered to me that N took another paper out and was crumpling the rest. I had told them explicitly before I left the room,
"Just one paper each."
So when S came with the news, I was again sparked with anger at N. It wasn't free paper. That was why i had told them just one paper each. Apparently N was rebelling against me for berating her earlier and leaving her with a meager amount of 'distraction'. S had probably also told her to just be content with one paper, and she had probably rebelled against her big sister too. At a loss, the big sister came to me.
I sat in the room with them, angry at N, really angry at her for disobeying me and for being difficult. Suffice it to say, I lost the wisdom of being a parent at that moment. The wisdom that I never possessed in the first place. I would be lying if I say that I'm content with my competence as a parent. Only Allah knows how desperate I am to be bestowed the wisdom and patience of being a parent to three very different children. I must have sat in the room with them a good 15 minutes or so, all the while repeating the same reprimand to N, who was reduced to weeping in anger. I asked her,
"Did you do anything wrong?"
She shook her head. I was burdened with worry. How could she not think she didn'd do anything wrong. I asked her again.
"What you did just now. Was that wrong?"
She nodded. Inwardly, I breathed a sigh of relief. I prodded her on.
"How do you feel about that?"
"Angry," she said determinedly, her hands working furiously inside her shirt. She was obviously angry for my anger towards her. I totally understood how she felt, because that was how I felt whenever my father leashed his anger at me, regardless if it was my fault in the first place. Something in my mind clicked. My voice softened. I asked her again,
"If somebody came to our house, and broke your bed, how would you feel?"
"Mad," she said.
"Why?" I asked. I finally got her to respond to me albeit it in a grudging manner.
"Because I can't sleep on the bed anymore," she said.
"So how do you think the auntie will feel now that you broke her table?"
"Sad," she said, Her voice had softened too.
"As Muslims, we don't want our Muslims sisters and brother to feel bad. We want to make them feel happy. So what can you do to make her feel better?"
She was mute. I asked her again.
"Sorry," she finally said.
By then, all my angry tirade had dissipated, and surprisingly her rebellion too. I took her in my arms and stroked her back, telling her to say sorry to the auntie, whose table she had broken. She wept and her body racked with her sobs.
I returned to the halaqa calm and thankful to Allah. At the time I had most needed the wisdom, He had given it to me. I might not yet grasp the wisdom in my hand, but the event left me still reeling from the effect of the art of parenting. Before we left for home, I whispered to N, reminding her of what she needed to do before we left. She had remembered and actually apologized, albeit it be a tiny whisper. My heart soared when the auntie said,
"Sorry for what? Oh, that's okay."
I didn't actually hear her apologize, for I didn't want to make her feel pressured to do it, so i had moved away and concentrated on putting on my coat, leaving her to carry out the task herself, out of her own choice.
In that room that night, Allah had given me a little peek into the pleasure and reward of being patient and having wisdom. I don't know if I will be able to replicate the actions I committed in that room, that induced things to turn around for the better, but I now know what a little wisdom and patience can do.
There we were sitting in a circle, reciting Quran, when a loud bang came from the room. I got up and went to see what damage my children had done to the host's apartment. When I entered the room, a sight I hadn't been prepared to face greeted me. The top of a coffee table was lying askew off the table's base and N was right in the middle of the mess.
Anger consumed me. My mouth started to berate them, while my hands worked to fix the damage done. Then it occurred to me that the kids needed something to occupy themselves with. So I asked for the host for some papers and pen.
I left them with their papers and pen. A few minutes later, S came out and whispered to me that N took another paper out and was crumpling the rest. I had told them explicitly before I left the room,
"Just one paper each."
So when S came with the news, I was again sparked with anger at N. It wasn't free paper. That was why i had told them just one paper each. Apparently N was rebelling against me for berating her earlier and leaving her with a meager amount of 'distraction'. S had probably also told her to just be content with one paper, and she had probably rebelled against her big sister too. At a loss, the big sister came to me.
I sat in the room with them, angry at N, really angry at her for disobeying me and for being difficult. Suffice it to say, I lost the wisdom of being a parent at that moment. The wisdom that I never possessed in the first place. I would be lying if I say that I'm content with my competence as a parent. Only Allah knows how desperate I am to be bestowed the wisdom and patience of being a parent to three very different children. I must have sat in the room with them a good 15 minutes or so, all the while repeating the same reprimand to N, who was reduced to weeping in anger. I asked her,
"Did you do anything wrong?"
She shook her head. I was burdened with worry. How could she not think she didn'd do anything wrong. I asked her again.
"What you did just now. Was that wrong?"
She nodded. Inwardly, I breathed a sigh of relief. I prodded her on.
"How do you feel about that?"
"Angry," she said determinedly, her hands working furiously inside her shirt. She was obviously angry for my anger towards her. I totally understood how she felt, because that was how I felt whenever my father leashed his anger at me, regardless if it was my fault in the first place. Something in my mind clicked. My voice softened. I asked her again,
"If somebody came to our house, and broke your bed, how would you feel?"
"Mad," she said.
"Why?" I asked. I finally got her to respond to me albeit it in a grudging manner.
"Because I can't sleep on the bed anymore," she said.
"So how do you think the auntie will feel now that you broke her table?"
"Sad," she said, Her voice had softened too.
"As Muslims, we don't want our Muslims sisters and brother to feel bad. We want to make them feel happy. So what can you do to make her feel better?"
She was mute. I asked her again.
"Sorry," she finally said.
By then, all my angry tirade had dissipated, and surprisingly her rebellion too. I took her in my arms and stroked her back, telling her to say sorry to the auntie, whose table she had broken. She wept and her body racked with her sobs.
I returned to the halaqa calm and thankful to Allah. At the time I had most needed the wisdom, He had given it to me. I might not yet grasp the wisdom in my hand, but the event left me still reeling from the effect of the art of parenting. Before we left for home, I whispered to N, reminding her of what she needed to do before we left. She had remembered and actually apologized, albeit it be a tiny whisper. My heart soared when the auntie said,
"Sorry for what? Oh, that's okay."
I didn't actually hear her apologize, for I didn't want to make her feel pressured to do it, so i had moved away and concentrated on putting on my coat, leaving her to carry out the task herself, out of her own choice.
In that room that night, Allah had given me a little peek into the pleasure and reward of being patient and having wisdom. I don't know if I will be able to replicate the actions I committed in that room, that induced things to turn around for the better, but I now know what a little wisdom and patience can do.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
The Conference
We had our now monthly conference last Friday. I had jotted it down on my calendar but when the fated date came i totally forgot about it. So the phone rang unpicked by human hands. Instead the machine picked it up and after shushing each other, K's voice hailed us upstairs, in our ready stance to pick up the phone lest it be someone important. As soon as we heard her, we all rushed to our feet and picked it up before she hung up.
Such is my avoidance of the phone. It has all come to this. What have I done? All because I feel a phone conversation is very much like a face-to-face conversation. I simply refuse to be interrupted while on a phone conversation and that always produces 'abandoned children'. So I now steer away from it since I also can't say "I have to go," without feeling guilty about it. There was a time when i patiently listened to a telemarketer making her sale to me in a non stopping torrent of incomprehensible words, probably foolishly thinking that she had 'caught' me, only to hear me say no at the end. In a way i guess I was torturing her, but I was also too weak to say "no," from the very beginning. I'm lucky I didn't go to high school in the United States. otherwise I'd be in a whole lot of trouble with my inability to say "No."
The conference this time required K to speak with all of the kids and ask them about the history that they've learned so far.
H was the first one to talk on the phone. I sat back, watching him converse on the phone with hie assigned OHVA teacher.
"Yes,"
"No,"
"So people won't steal their stuff,"
"The Nile River,"
"Silt,"
were his audible responses.
Next to go was N. This one ran away to room so she could speak in private, I guess. Huh, typical girl phone behavior? Scary.
ANyway, I doggedly followed her and could see that she was speaking too softly. I kept prodding her to speak louder. She has this habit of holding the phone away from her ears. Don't know why, but suffice it to say, she doesn't have enough phone skills.
Next was S. Also girl phone behavior. Went to my room and placed herself comfortably on the bed, legs stretched out, back leaning against my propped pillows. Hmmm..comfortable indeed. Scary!
At the end of each conversation, K would tell how great the kids were and how well they remember what they were taught, especially H. Perfect time too for her to say that for I was feeling very down in the dumps lately, with the kids schooling. There were countless times where i have felt like giving up, like throwing in the stinky towel and taking to my heels as fast as i could. But I know I'd never be able to live with myself if I did, so i stuck through it, gritting my teeth and witholding complaints as much as i can. It's not easy.
All I can say is, if my kids do prove to retain the knowledge they have acquired thus far and turn out to be as normal as other kids, I would give all credits to Allah. The countless times I had turned to Him, seeking help, ease and patience. Everytime I was betaken with the feeling of helplessness I would sink in my own despair and ultimately turn to Him. I don't know how else i could do it wihtout His help. Nothing I do even if it was my best could help me if Allah does not will it.
Such is my avoidance of the phone. It has all come to this. What have I done? All because I feel a phone conversation is very much like a face-to-face conversation. I simply refuse to be interrupted while on a phone conversation and that always produces 'abandoned children'. So I now steer away from it since I also can't say "I have to go," without feeling guilty about it. There was a time when i patiently listened to a telemarketer making her sale to me in a non stopping torrent of incomprehensible words, probably foolishly thinking that she had 'caught' me, only to hear me say no at the end. In a way i guess I was torturing her, but I was also too weak to say "no," from the very beginning. I'm lucky I didn't go to high school in the United States. otherwise I'd be in a whole lot of trouble with my inability to say "No."
The conference this time required K to speak with all of the kids and ask them about the history that they've learned so far.
H was the first one to talk on the phone. I sat back, watching him converse on the phone with hie assigned OHVA teacher.
"Yes,"
"No,"
"So people won't steal their stuff,"
"The Nile River,"
"Silt,"
were his audible responses.
Next to go was N. This one ran away to room so she could speak in private, I guess. Huh, typical girl phone behavior? Scary.
ANyway, I doggedly followed her and could see that she was speaking too softly. I kept prodding her to speak louder. She has this habit of holding the phone away from her ears. Don't know why, but suffice it to say, she doesn't have enough phone skills.
Next was S. Also girl phone behavior. Went to my room and placed herself comfortably on the bed, legs stretched out, back leaning against my propped pillows. Hmmm..comfortable indeed. Scary!
At the end of each conversation, K would tell how great the kids were and how well they remember what they were taught, especially H. Perfect time too for her to say that for I was feeling very down in the dumps lately, with the kids schooling. There were countless times where i have felt like giving up, like throwing in the stinky towel and taking to my heels as fast as i could. But I know I'd never be able to live with myself if I did, so i stuck through it, gritting my teeth and witholding complaints as much as i can. It's not easy.
All I can say is, if my kids do prove to retain the knowledge they have acquired thus far and turn out to be as normal as other kids, I would give all credits to Allah. The countless times I had turned to Him, seeking help, ease and patience. Everytime I was betaken with the feeling of helplessness I would sink in my own despair and ultimately turn to Him. I don't know how else i could do it wihtout His help. Nothing I do even if it was my best could help me if Allah does not will it.
The Cheek of H
I have a feeling like I'm going to be writing a lot about the cheek of this boy. First. there's his artificial dimple. On the right cheek, it appears like a twinkling star everytime he bares his tiny pearly whites in a cheeky grin or a coy smile. People would remark on his dimple, thinking that it truly is a natural dimple. Beguiled, they believe that he was born with that dimple. Little do they know that the dimple was actually borne out of sibling rivalry, or better phrased as 'the entertainment in the trip from Iowa to Georgia'.
Ever since they were small, N and H have always been at each other's throat, but not in the form of verbal argument. No. The verbal argument is 'peacefully' left to H and S. S, being the big sister and the eldest, always insists that she is in the right. No matter how many times I tell her not to argue with the 'ignorant' (which is obviously, H), she always manages to drive herself mad over silly arguments with H. H on the other hand, seems to enjoy his heated 'conversations' with his big sister. At times he seems almost to insist being wrong just so S would get all riled up. At other times, he himself would rise up to the challenge and bark back at his older sister, insisting that he's the one in the right. Then he would go off stomping, crying and loudly insisting that he was right and others were wrong. It is at these times that my patience is really tried to the core.
Anyway, back to the milder sister, N. She is mild in temperament, and commanding her to speak is like commanding the cave to open for the thieves. Simply saying 'open sesame' would not be sufficient. I was unknoningly reduced to speak for her, which was later on brought into light by someone, fortunately. Despite her mildness, she is cunning in her own way. It was during these toddler times of hers that she showed her true nature. H would contentedly be playing on the floor with an assortment of toys around him, with his sisters lingering around, appearing to play with him. Suddenly out of nowhere, H would be crying pitifully, much like a baby kitten, with no apparent reason. At first I couldn't find the culprit, so i stopped looking for one. However, the crying began to occur more often and so i was forced to solve the mystery.
I was then that I noticed my children, in their true blue nature, at work. N, at the age of 2, had developed an uncanny ability to administer painful attacks rather stealthily. Her face betrayed nothing. if I wasn't watching that intently, I would have easily missed it. With her normal expression, wide eyed, calm manner, she would walk by her little brother in the most normal way possible. You wouldn't even think she was up to no good. Suddenly, like one of the boys in Oliver Twist, she would swipe her sneaky hand to his face or wherever she could get in on, and administer one of her very stinging attacks. Lo and behold, the poor babe wails! And the sweet litte wide-eyed angel walks away as if nothing had happened, in her sing song manner, singing her revenge away.
From then on, I made sure to watch her closely, but during the drive from Iowa to Georgia, which was unbearabably long, I failed to do that. We had put them side by side in their car seats. BIG mistake. The scratching tournament began. By the end of the trip, H's cheek was riddled with scabs upon scabs. It's a wonder only one of them turned into a dimple. Otherwise, he would have had a crater on his face.
Up to this day, his dimple, artificial as it is, stays as a manifest proof of N's artful attacks on her little brother.
There's THAT cheek of H. Then there's also his cheek with words.
"H made me angry!"
"No, I didn't!"
"H, don't make her angry,"
"But you said that no one can make anyone do anything. Yeah, you said that,"
Then, there's also:
They were riding in S's car and it happened that S has a toy bunny in it. H said,
"That's 'bunny' Israel!"
There're many more that I wished i had recorded for memory sake. In fact I'm racking my head trying to remember a particular one he had come out with, to no avail. And here he is, laughing away at his poor mother in choruses of evil laughter, who in all honesty, is just trying to record some of the most memorable moments of her children's childhood, for before she knows it, it will all soon pass. Ah.....the cheek of H.
Ever since they were small, N and H have always been at each other's throat, but not in the form of verbal argument. No. The verbal argument is 'peacefully' left to H and S. S, being the big sister and the eldest, always insists that she is in the right. No matter how many times I tell her not to argue with the 'ignorant' (which is obviously, H), she always manages to drive herself mad over silly arguments with H. H on the other hand, seems to enjoy his heated 'conversations' with his big sister. At times he seems almost to insist being wrong just so S would get all riled up. At other times, he himself would rise up to the challenge and bark back at his older sister, insisting that he's the one in the right. Then he would go off stomping, crying and loudly insisting that he was right and others were wrong. It is at these times that my patience is really tried to the core.
Anyway, back to the milder sister, N. She is mild in temperament, and commanding her to speak is like commanding the cave to open for the thieves. Simply saying 'open sesame' would not be sufficient. I was unknoningly reduced to speak for her, which was later on brought into light by someone, fortunately. Despite her mildness, she is cunning in her own way. It was during these toddler times of hers that she showed her true nature. H would contentedly be playing on the floor with an assortment of toys around him, with his sisters lingering around, appearing to play with him. Suddenly out of nowhere, H would be crying pitifully, much like a baby kitten, with no apparent reason. At first I couldn't find the culprit, so i stopped looking for one. However, the crying began to occur more often and so i was forced to solve the mystery.
I was then that I noticed my children, in their true blue nature, at work. N, at the age of 2, had developed an uncanny ability to administer painful attacks rather stealthily. Her face betrayed nothing. if I wasn't watching that intently, I would have easily missed it. With her normal expression, wide eyed, calm manner, she would walk by her little brother in the most normal way possible. You wouldn't even think she was up to no good. Suddenly, like one of the boys in Oliver Twist, she would swipe her sneaky hand to his face or wherever she could get in on, and administer one of her very stinging attacks. Lo and behold, the poor babe wails! And the sweet litte wide-eyed angel walks away as if nothing had happened, in her sing song manner, singing her revenge away.
From then on, I made sure to watch her closely, but during the drive from Iowa to Georgia, which was unbearabably long, I failed to do that. We had put them side by side in their car seats. BIG mistake. The scratching tournament began. By the end of the trip, H's cheek was riddled with scabs upon scabs. It's a wonder only one of them turned into a dimple. Otherwise, he would have had a crater on his face.
Up to this day, his dimple, artificial as it is, stays as a manifest proof of N's artful attacks on her little brother.
There's THAT cheek of H. Then there's also his cheek with words.
"H made me angry!"
"No, I didn't!"
"H, don't make her angry,"
"But you said that no one can make anyone do anything. Yeah, you said that,"
Then, there's also:
They were riding in S's car and it happened that S has a toy bunny in it. H said,
"That's 'bunny' Israel!"
There're many more that I wished i had recorded for memory sake. In fact I'm racking my head trying to remember a particular one he had come out with, to no avail. And here he is, laughing away at his poor mother in choruses of evil laughter, who in all honesty, is just trying to record some of the most memorable moments of her children's childhood, for before she knows it, it will all soon pass. Ah.....the cheek of H.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Sinus Infection - Monday Nov 7
He doesn't have pneumonia Alhamdulillah, but he has sinus infection instead. So H is on amoxicillin now. We didn't officially start school today because the visit to the doctor messed up our schedule. We also had to pick up H's prescription at Kroger. No matter. The kids are into writing letters now. They just mailed an envelope each to their grandparents and their penpals.
I have a dental appointment today. The girls lugged along their care bear. The check up took so long that F and the kids left me and went home by bus.
Another one of those things happened to me.
"J, you don't look your age. I was looking at your records and your kids, and I thought, 'hmm she doesn't look 29'. You have a young face."
Well, well, well, how was I supposed to respond to that? The american way would be to smile appreciatively and say thank you. The Malay way would be to vehemently deny it while hiding a building sense of joy inside. I did it the American way.
It made me think. How is 29 supposed to look like, I wonder?
When I got home, Love-a-lot was head down in the laundry basket. The girls had apparently played with her so much so that she probably accumulated all the germs and dirt existent in the dental building.
I have a dental appointment today. The girls lugged along their care bear. The check up took so long that F and the kids left me and went home by bus.
Another one of those things happened to me.
"J, you don't look your age. I was looking at your records and your kids, and I thought, 'hmm she doesn't look 29'. You have a young face."
Well, well, well, how was I supposed to respond to that? The american way would be to smile appreciatively and say thank you. The Malay way would be to vehemently deny it while hiding a building sense of joy inside. I did it the American way.
It made me think. How is 29 supposed to look like, I wonder?
When I got home, Love-a-lot was head down in the laundry basket. The girls had apparently played with her so much so that she probably accumulated all the germs and dirt existent in the dental building.
Eid Mubarak! Day 3
The kids donned on their Eid attire again. We were the only family there. The rest of them were students, single and very much on the ho hum if you know what I mean. I know. I was 'been there and done that'.
A group of students from Cleveland came in and there was one girl among them. She sat with D and me and looking at N, asked us,
"Family dia ni tinggal kat sini ke?"
For a while I had assumed she knew I was N's mother. After a while though, it appeared that she didn't and we replied heartily, "Yes."
She said I didn't look like I have three children. Now that is something really nice to hear!
Sunday was a good day but I was struck with a very great disappointment and depression at having witnessed something I didn't expect. Suffice it to say, it's really depressing to find out that people change. Even though we don't have any business judging people by their attire and appearances, it is apparent that Iman can't be hidden. When iman is present, its effect and presence is felt. When a change occurs as obvious as it did before my eyes then, I could see it as a downward movement, because prior to that, it was better, at least on the surface. We can't judge what's in people's heart and should have no business doing so. Even the hypocrites during the times of the sahaba were considered Muslims unless they announced it. That's between them and Allah, and not for us to judge.
Anyway, I hope it's a temporary stumble for her sake.
Back home, I had a talk with the kids. H had asked me on the way to the van,
"Why don't some people wear tudung(hijab)?"
We replied with "I don't know."
We didn't talk at all about it for fear of backbiting, but I wanted to make sure the kids understand what was going on.
So I hashed out a lesson on how important it is to keep our hearts pure and keep ourselves close to Allah so we don't veer away. Even minute insignificant things can steer us further away from Allah. Before we know it we can be million zillion of miles away from where we want to be.
Overall, the day had a somber mood to it, at least for us adults. We silently sat watching TV, not saying anything to each other, though I sensed that we were probably both thinking the same thing. I still can't get over how it happened.
Since it was pretty windy that afternoon, we let the kids fly their kites. I really marvel at their kite flying skills, because I have none! Even H knows how to steer his kite. However, his coughing sounded pneumonia-like. I resolved to bring him to the doctor Monday.
Over was our Eid weekend. All in all, it was a great Eid Alhamdulillah! May we see another one as we ascend up the ladder of iman insyaallah. Ameen...
A group of students from Cleveland came in and there was one girl among them. She sat with D and me and looking at N, asked us,
"Family dia ni tinggal kat sini ke?"
For a while I had assumed she knew I was N's mother. After a while though, it appeared that she didn't and we replied heartily, "Yes."
She said I didn't look like I have three children. Now that is something really nice to hear!
Sunday was a good day but I was struck with a very great disappointment and depression at having witnessed something I didn't expect. Suffice it to say, it's really depressing to find out that people change. Even though we don't have any business judging people by their attire and appearances, it is apparent that Iman can't be hidden. When iman is present, its effect and presence is felt. When a change occurs as obvious as it did before my eyes then, I could see it as a downward movement, because prior to that, it was better, at least on the surface. We can't judge what's in people's heart and should have no business doing so. Even the hypocrites during the times of the sahaba were considered Muslims unless they announced it. That's between them and Allah, and not for us to judge.
Anyway, I hope it's a temporary stumble for her sake.
Back home, I had a talk with the kids. H had asked me on the way to the van,
"Why don't some people wear tudung(hijab)?"
We replied with "I don't know."
We didn't talk at all about it for fear of backbiting, but I wanted to make sure the kids understand what was going on.
So I hashed out a lesson on how important it is to keep our hearts pure and keep ourselves close to Allah so we don't veer away. Even minute insignificant things can steer us further away from Allah. Before we know it we can be million zillion of miles away from where we want to be.
Overall, the day had a somber mood to it, at least for us adults. We silently sat watching TV, not saying anything to each other, though I sensed that we were probably both thinking the same thing. I still can't get over how it happened.
Since it was pretty windy that afternoon, we let the kids fly their kites. I really marvel at their kite flying skills, because I have none! Even H knows how to steer his kite. However, his coughing sounded pneumonia-like. I resolved to bring him to the doctor Monday.
Over was our Eid weekend. All in all, it was a great Eid Alhamdulillah! May we see another one as we ascend up the ladder of iman insyaallah. Ameen...
Eid Mubarak! Day 2
Saturday: well officially day 3 of Eid, but our day 2 was spent at home, while F went to campus to do his work. We didn't do school though. That night we visited some of the Malay guys' houses.
We were invited at 9 am Saturday to one of the Indonesian guys' apartment, who is a Chef.
It was really GREAT food. Fried talapia with Indonesian-mexican salsa and sayur. I really love frequenting these Indonesian houses.
There was an American lady there amongst us Malaysians and Indonesians. We had a Quran recitation and she sat through it, next to me. I took the opportunity to explain bits and pieces of the verses we were reciting. Interestingly they chose to read Surah Al-Imran, which is chock full of stuff on Christianity. Coincidence? I would never know.
The girls received Love-a-lot. They were ecstatic and lugs it everywhere they go from then on. After the great food we went to Al Maghrib's study session. Lugged all the kids. However, last minute H bailled out as A dropped us off on campus. He had dozed off and when we woke him up, of course he was all moody and refused to come with us. So we let him go with A. Turned out, he spent the afternoon playing computer game in the guys's house while we sat through the study session with the girls.
It was another great day of great food, Alhamdulillah. The next day, Sunday, we are to sample the Malaysian's cooking. Another cooking-free day for me. Nasi kerabu and nasi dagang were my anticipated menu for the day. Can't wait!
We were invited at 9 am Saturday to one of the Indonesian guys' apartment, who is a Chef.
It was really GREAT food. Fried talapia with Indonesian-mexican salsa and sayur. I really love frequenting these Indonesian houses.
There was an American lady there amongst us Malaysians and Indonesians. We had a Quran recitation and she sat through it, next to me. I took the opportunity to explain bits and pieces of the verses we were reciting. Interestingly they chose to read Surah Al-Imran, which is chock full of stuff on Christianity. Coincidence? I would never know.
The girls received Love-a-lot. They were ecstatic and lugs it everywhere they go from then on. After the great food we went to Al Maghrib's study session. Lugged all the kids. However, last minute H bailled out as A dropped us off on campus. He had dozed off and when we woke him up, of course he was all moody and refused to come with us. So we let him go with A. Turned out, he spent the afternoon playing computer game in the guys's house while we sat through the study session with the girls.
It was another great day of great food, Alhamdulillah. The next day, Sunday, we are to sample the Malaysian's cooking. Another cooking-free day for me. Nasi kerabu and nasi dagang were my anticipated menu for the day. Can't wait!
Eid Mubarak! Day 1
S fasted full the whole month! Mabrook!! N missed 2 days because she was sick. And H fasted 7 full days, 2 three-quarter days and 1 half day. Eid fell on Thursday, after much waiting until at night on Wednesday. The kids had already gone to bed that Wednesday and they fell asleep not knowing that the next day was Eid.
Clad in their Eid clothes, we all headed to the Bill McDonald Sports Complex for the Eid prayer that was supposed to commence at 8:30 am. But of course, Muslims and their perception of time, we only started praying at around 9 am or later. I didn't even pay attention because we were rushing like crazy, thinking we were late for sure, and when we got there, they haven't even lauded the Takbir yet! S came with me to the women's side while N and H went with their Ab to the men's side. In our rush S forgot to bring her hijab, we when we arrived at the complex she had to wear N's hijab while N had to go without. So much for all the training during Ramadan!
The Eid prayer went on smoothly, we heard the khateeb very well. Overall it was a very nice Eid prayer. We rushed back home for our open house. Received Indonesians and one Malaysian. The other Malaysians who were supposed to turn up before noon didn't turn up until much later in the day, rendering us bleary-eyed and weary. I vowed never to hold an open house without making sure people can actually attend, ever again. To make it worse, it was on a weekday and most people had to go back to class and work. I also just realized that most of the Muslims here live in clans and have their own families to spend Eid with, though I'm sure there are some who don't but they had to go back to work. Spending Eid in a university town where most of the Muslims were foreigners was much different than here. I still have to get used to it.
We had promised the kids we would go to Chuck E Cheeses, but the people came to our open house group by group, one after the other, stretching our open house hours longer than we intended to have it. F had specified it to be from morning till noon, but it became extended till 4 pm. We were also invited to our Indonesian friend's house at around 5/6 pm, so that meant we had to rush to Chuck E Cheeses right away. We promptly left at 4 after our guests left.
I was dead tired by then. Never had I wished for guests to leave like I did then. Some didn't stay too long, but some did. By the time we all were in the van, headed for Chuck E Cheeses, I was very deathly silent; a very abnormal occurence for a chatter like myself.
I felt bad for the kids, because we only had a small slot of time left to spend at Chuck E Cheeses then. We had planned to go around 3 pm initially. So since maghrib came in around 5:30, we only spent a rushed half an hour or more at Chuck E Cheeses. ALhamdulillah though, the kids had fun and didn't demand more.
The last part of the day was spent at our Indonesian friend's house and it was such great company. The kids really enjoyed themselves there too because there was a lot of romping space. Alhamdulilah our day ended with joyful company.
When we got in our front door, S said to me,
"Ummi, here's my money. It's for you."
"What for?" I asked, simply relieved to be back home.
"For bringing us to all those places even though you were tired," she replied.
My heart melted right there and then. Did I ever mention that we were tired to the kids? I didn't think we did. My silence was what probably did it, or maybe I did unknowingly say to F that I was exhausted beyond exhaustion in Malay in the van, unaware that S understands Malay.
Alhamdulillah, to Allah the most High for blessing us with very good children.
We went to bed that night excited to go to another invitation the next day. The host is a chef, so I anticipated GREAT food. Night, night, don't let the bed bugs bite.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Salih or Hud? 'Aad or Thamood?
It was time to get back to our 'Lives of the Prophet' sessions. The last time we did it, we stopped at Prophet Salih. However, there was a bit of a confusion in the mix because both nations, 'Aad and Thamood were somewhat similar. Even I was confused as to which one was which. Mostly, the confusion was what punishment did each nation receive. So we rehashed it and listened again to the story of Prophet Salih.
Prophet Hud & the 'Aad:
The people of 'Aad were unlike any nation Allah had created in stature
7. Who were very tall like lofty pillars,
8. The like of which were not created in the land? (Al-Fajr(89/6-8))
69. "Do you wonder that there has come to you a Reminder (and an advice) from your Lord through a man from amongst you that he may warn you? And remember that He made you successors after the people of Nûh (Noah), and increased you amply in stature. So remember the graces (bestowed upon you) from Allâh, so that you may be successful."(al-A'raf (7/69))
They were wealthy with man power, agriculture and powerful tyrants. They also built many monuments on top of hills and built their homes as if they were going to live forever.
38. And (also) 'Ad and Thamûd, and the dwellers of Ar-Rass, and many generations in between.al-Furqan(25/38)
128. "Do you build high palaces on every high place, while you do not live in them?
129. "And do you get for yourselves palaces (fine buildings) as if you will live therein for ever[].
130. "And when you seize, seize you as tyrants?
131. "So fear Allâh, keep your duty to Him, and obey me.
132. "And keep your duty to Him, fear Him Who has aided you with all (good things) that you know.
133. "He has aided you with cattle and children.
134. "And gardens and springs. as-shuara'(26/128-134)
They had a drought and when they saw incoming clouds, they rejoiced, thinking it was rain coming to bless their dry land.
21. And remember (Hûd) the brother of 'Ad, when he warned his people in Al-Ahqâf (the curved sand-hills in the southern part of Arabian Peninsula). And surely, there have passed away warners before him and after him (saying): "Worship none but Allâh; truly, I fear for you the torment of a mighty Day."
22. They said: "Have you come to turn us away from our âliha (gods)? Then bring us that with which you threaten us, if you are one of the truthful!"
23. He said: "The knowledge (of the time of its coming) is with Allâh only, and I convey to you that wherewith I have been sent, but I see that you are a people given to ignorance!"
24. Then, when they saw it as a dense cloud coming towards their valleys, they said: "This is a cloud bringing us rain!" Nay, but it is that (torment) which you were asking to be hastened! a wind wherein is a painful torment!
25. Destroying everything by the Command of its Lord! So they became such that nothing could be seen except their dwellings! Thus do We recompense the people who are Mujrimûn (polytheists, disbelievers, sinners, etc.)! al-Ahqaf(46/21-26)
They were destroyed by a cold,ravaging,howling wind beating upon them from all directions, rendering them like hollowed palm tree trunks.
13. But if they turn away, then say (O Muhammad SAW): "I have warned you of a Sâ'iqah (a destructive awful cry, torment, hit, a thunderbolt) like the Sâ'iqah which overtook 'Ad and Thamûd (people)." Fussilat (41/13)
15. As for 'Ad, they were arrogant in the land without right, and they said: "Who is mightier than us in strength?" See they not that Allâh, Who created them was mightier in strength than them. And they used to deny Our Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, revelations, etc.)!
16. So We sent upon them furious wind in days of evil omen (for them) that We might give them a taste of disgracing torment in this present worldly life, but surely the torment of the Hereafter will be more disgracing, and they will never be helped. Fussilat(41/15-6)
They built their dwelling in the ahqaf which were turned to mere sand dunes. Had ALlah not told us about them in the Quran we wouldn't have known at all about them. Allah totally wiped them out. The wind that destroyed them slammed them for seven days and eight nights in succession.
21. And remember (Hûd) the brother of 'Ad, when he warned his people in Al-Ahqâf (the curved sand-hills in the southern part of Arabian Peninsula). And surely, there have passed away warners before him and after him (saying): "Worship none but Allâh; truly, I fear for you the torment of a mighty Day." Al-Ahqaf (46/21)
41. And in 'Ad (there is also a sign) when We sent against them the barren wind;
42. It spared nothing that it reached, but blew it into broken spreads of rotten ruins.Az-Zaariyat(51/41-42)
18. 'Ad (people) belied (their Prophet, Hûd), then how (terrible) was My Torment and My Warnings?
19. Verily, We sent against them a furious wind of harsh voice on a day of evil omen and continuous calamity.
20. Plucking out men as if they were uprooted stems of date-palms.
21. Then, how (terrible) was My Torment and My Warnings?
22. And We have indeed made the Qur'ân easy to understand and remember, then is there any that will remember (or receive admonition)?Al-Qamar(54/)
6. And as for 'Ad, they were destroyed by a furious violent wind;
7. Which Allâh imposed on them for seven nights and eight days in succession, so that you could see men lying overthrown (destroyed), as if they were hollow trunks of date-palms! Al-Haqqah(69/6-7)
Prophet Salih & The Thamood:
Prophet Salih was a young man from a noble family.They were preparing him to be their leader. Once Salih called them to Allah, they rejected him and asked for a sign to prove that he really was a prophet, so Allah gave them a sign, which was the she-camel that came out of a rock. There were some rules though that they were supposed to follow regarding the camels.
1. They were to let her drink the water and take turns with her.
2. They were not to harm her in any way.
73. And to Thamûd (people, We sent) their brother Sâlih (Saleh). He said: "O my people! Worship Allâh! You have no other Ilâh (God) but Him. (Lâ ilâha ill-Allâh: none has the right to be worshipped but Allâh). Indeed there has come to you a clear sign (the miracle of the coming out of a huge shecamel from the midst of a rock) from your Lord. This shecamel of Allâh is a sign unto you; so you leave her to graze in Allâh's earth, and touch her not with harm, lest a painful torment should seize you.
74. "And remember when He made you successors after 'Ad (people) and gave you habitations in the land, you build for yourselves palaces in plains, and carve out homes in the mountains. So remember the graces (bestowed upon you) from Allâh, and do not go about making mischief on the earth."
75. The leaders of those who were arrogant among his people said to those who were counted weak - to such of them as believed: "Know you that Sâlih (Saleh) is one sent from his Lord." They said: "We indeed believe in that with which he has been sent."
76. Those who were arrogant said: "Verily, we disbelieve in that which you believe in."
77. So they killed the shecamel and insolently defied the Commandment of their Lord, and said: "O Sâlih (Saleh)! Bring about your threats if you are indeed one of the Messengers (of Allâh)."
78. So the earthquake seized them, and they lay (dead), prostrate in their homes.
79. Then he [Sâlih (Saleh)] turned from them, and said: "O my people! I have indeed conveyed to you the Message of my Lord, and have given you good advice but you like not good advisers." Al-A'raf(7/73-79)
11. Thamûd (people) denied (their Prophet) through their transgression (by rejecting the true Faith of Islâmic Monotheism, and by following polytheism, and by committing every kind of sin).
12. When the most wicked man among them went forth (to kill the she-camel).
13. But the Messenger of Allâh [Sâlih (Saleh) <><>] said to them: "Be cautious! Fear the evil end. That is the she-camel of Allâh! (Do not harm it) and bar it not from having its drink!"
14. Then they denied him and they killed it. So their Lord destroyed them because of their sin, and made them equal in destruction (i.e. all grades of people, rich and poor, strong and weak, etc.)!
15. And He (Allâh) feared not the consequences thereof. As-Shams(91/11-15)
61. And to Thamûd (people, We sent) their brother Sâlih (Saleh). He said: "O my people! Worship Allâh, you have no other Ilâh (God) but Him. He brought you forth from the earth and settled you therein, then ask forgiveness of Him and turn to Him in repentance. Certainly, my Lord is Near (to all by His Knowledge), Responsive."
62. They said: "O Sâlih (Saleh)! You have been among us as a figure of good hope (and we wished for you to be our chief), till this [new thing which you have brought; that we leave our gods and worship your God (Allâh) Alone]! Do you (now) forbid us the worship of what our fathers have worshipped? But we are really in grave doubt as to that which you invite us to (monotheism)."
63. He said: "O my people! Tell me, if I have a clear proof from my Lord, and there has come to me a Mercy (Prophethood, etc.) from Him, who then can help me against Allâh, if I were to disobey Him? Then you increase me not but in loss.
64. "And O my people! This she-camel of Allâh is a sign to you, leave her to feed on Allâh's earth, and touch her not with evil, lest a near torment will seize you."
65. But they killed her. So he said: "Enjoy yourselves in your homes for three days. This is a promise (i.e. a threat) that will not be belied."
66. So when Our Commandment came, We saved Sâlih (Saleh) and those who believed with him by a Mercy from Us, and from the disgrace of that Day. Verily, your Lord, He is the All-Strong, the All-Mighty.
67. And As-Saîhah (torment - awful cry, etc.) overtook the wrong-doers, so they lay (dead), prostrate in their homes, -
68. As if they had never lived there. No doubt! Verily, Thamûd disbelieved in their Lord. So away with Thamûd! Hud (11/61-68)
59. And nothing stops Us from sending the Ayât (proofs, evidences, signs) but that the people of old denied them. And We sent the she-camel to Thamûd as a clear sign, but they did her wrong. And We sent not the signs except to warn, and to make them afraid (of destruction).Al-Isra'(17/59)
They carved out their dwellings from the mountainous rocks. They were very skilled architects. They were also blessed with wealth in agriculture like the 'Aad.
9. And (with) Thamûd (people), who cut (hewed) out rocks in the valley (to make dwellings)?Al-Fajr(89/9)
38. And (also) 'Ad and Thamûd, and the dwellers of Ar-Rass, and many generations in between.Al-Furqaan(25/38)
141. Thamûd (people) belied the Messenger.
142. When their brother Sâlih (Saleh) said to them: "Will you not fear Allâh and obey Him?
143. "I am a trustworthy Messenger to you.
144. "So fear Allâh, keep your duty to Him, and obey me.
145. "No reward do I ask of you for it (my Message of Islâmic Monotheism), my reward is only from the Lord of the 'Alamîn (mankind, jinns and all that exists).
146. "Will you be left secure in that which you have here?
147. "In gardens and springs.
148. And green crops (fields etc.) and date-palms with soft spadix.
149. "And you carve houses out of mountains with great skill.
150. "So fear Allâh, keep your duty to Him, and obey me.
151. "And follow not the command of Al-Musrifûn [i.e. their chiefs, leaders who were polytheists, criminals and sinners],
152. "Who make mischief in the land, and reform not."
153. They said: "You are only of those bewitched!
154. "You are but a human being like us. Then bring us a sign if you are of the truthful."
155. He said: "Here is a she-camel; it has a right to drink (water), and you have a right to drink (water) (each) on a day, known.
156. "And touch her not with harm, lest the torment of a Great Day seize you."
157. But they killed her, and then they became regretful.
158. So the torment overtook them. Verily, in this is indeed a sign, yet most of them are not believers.
159. And verily! Your Lord, He is indeed the All-Mighty, the Most Merciful. As-Shuara(26/141-159)
14. When the Messengers came to them, from before them and behind them (saying): "Worship none but Allâh" They said: "If our Lord had so willed, He would surely have sent down the angels. So indeed! We disbelieve in that with which you have been sent." Fussilat(41/14)
17. And as for Thamûd, We showed and made clear to them the Path of Truth (Islâmic Monotheism) through Our Messenger, (i.e. showed them the way of success), but they preferred blindness to guidance, so the Sâ'iqah (a destructive awful cry, torment, hit, a thunderbolt) of disgracing torment seized them, because of what they used to earn. Fussilat(41/17)
43. And in Thamûd (there is also a sign), when they were told: "Enjoy yourselves for a while!"
44. But they insolently defied the Command of their Lord, so the Sâ'iqah[] overtook them while they were looking. az-Zaariyat(51/43-44)
23. Thamûd (people also) belied the warnings.
24. For they said: "A man! Alone from among us, that we are to follow? Truly, then we should be in error and distress or madness!"
25. "Is it that the Reminder is sent to him [Prophet Sâlih (Saleh) <><>] alone from among us? Nay, he is an insolent liar!"
26. Tomorrow they will come to know, who is the liar, the insolent one!
27. Verily, We are sending the she-camel as a test for them. So watch them [O Sâlih (Saleh) <><>], and be patient!
28. And inform them that the water is to be shared between (her and) them. Each one's right to drink being established (by turns).
29. But they called their comrade and he took (a sword) and killed (her).
30. Then, how (terrible) was My Torment and My Warnings?
31. Verily, We sent against them a single Saîhah (torment - awful cry, etc.), and they became like the dry stubble of a fold-builder.al-Qamar(54/18-31)
5. As for Thamûd, they were destroyed by the awful cry! Al-Haqqah(69/5)
But of course they did disobey Allah. Nine men plotted to kill the she camel. When they did reach the camel, they hesitated because it was bigger than the normal camel. Then one man, the most evil one among them went forth and stabbed her in the leg and when she fell they killed her. They then went to Salih and mocked him, asking for the punishment that was promised. Salih said they had 3 days to enjoy themselves. Day 1 passed, then day 2 then day 3. By then they were full of arrogance and mockery, taunting Salih for the promised punishment. On day 4 however, just as promised, the punishment which was an earthquake, probably triggered by the loud cry which could be equivalent to a sound wave that is able to shake the earth, struck them dead.
When we reached the part where the ayah was recited in which the most evil man among them went forth, I asked them,
"Does the ayat sound familiar?"
"No,"
"Yes,"
"What surah is it?" I asked.
"Ummm,"
Silence.
Suddenly, a small voice piped up,
"As-Shams."
She remembers. They went to summer school in 2002 or was it 2003 at Sunrise and had to memorize that Surah for that summer. So every time I picked them up we would recite the surah in the van on the way home to aid their memorization. We actually even did an accordion book on some arabic words from that surah, where I had them write down the word in Arabic and illustrate the particular page with regards to the word. I can still remember a picture of a camel and a dagger probably drawn by N.
So we finally sorted out the similarities and differences between the people of 'Aad and Thamood. I learned something new too, which is the best part of homeschooling. In compiling these ayats on Thamood and 'Aad, I can't help but notice the source of confusion. They are always mentioned together. As for the punishment, it seemed to be very similar too, except that the 'Aad's punishment was mentioned to go on for 7 days and 8 nights, and also the fact that 'Aad was created to be very tall people.
I never learned of these details when i was growing up. My only source of the stories of the prophets was one meager book which I read over and over again.
It was also interesting to note that during the listening session, every once in a while the kids would stop the tape and ask,
"What's noble?"
"What's tyrant?"
"How can a man kill another man?"
"What's a sound wave?"
Prophet Hud & the 'Aad:
The people of 'Aad were unlike any nation Allah had created in stature
7. Who were very tall like lofty pillars,
8. The like of which were not created in the land? (Al-Fajr(89/6-8))
69. "Do you wonder that there has come to you a Reminder (and an advice) from your Lord through a man from amongst you that he may warn you? And remember that He made you successors after the people of Nûh (Noah), and increased you amply in stature. So remember the graces (bestowed upon you) from Allâh, so that you may be successful."(al-A'raf (7/69))
They were wealthy with man power, agriculture and powerful tyrants. They also built many monuments on top of hills and built their homes as if they were going to live forever.
38. And (also) 'Ad and Thamûd, and the dwellers of Ar-Rass, and many generations in between.al-Furqan(25/38)
128. "Do you build high palaces on every high place, while you do not live in them?
129. "And do you get for yourselves palaces (fine buildings) as if you will live therein for ever[].
130. "And when you seize, seize you as tyrants?
131. "So fear Allâh, keep your duty to Him, and obey me.
132. "And keep your duty to Him, fear Him Who has aided you with all (good things) that you know.
133. "He has aided you with cattle and children.
134. "And gardens and springs. as-shuara'(26/128-134)
They had a drought and when they saw incoming clouds, they rejoiced, thinking it was rain coming to bless their dry land.
21. And remember (Hûd) the brother of 'Ad, when he warned his people in Al-Ahqâf (the curved sand-hills in the southern part of Arabian Peninsula). And surely, there have passed away warners before him and after him (saying): "Worship none but Allâh; truly, I fear for you the torment of a mighty Day."
22. They said: "Have you come to turn us away from our âliha (gods)? Then bring us that with which you threaten us, if you are one of the truthful!"
23. He said: "The knowledge (of the time of its coming) is with Allâh only, and I convey to you that wherewith I have been sent, but I see that you are a people given to ignorance!"
24. Then, when they saw it as a dense cloud coming towards their valleys, they said: "This is a cloud bringing us rain!" Nay, but it is that (torment) which you were asking to be hastened! a wind wherein is a painful torment!
25. Destroying everything by the Command of its Lord! So they became such that nothing could be seen except their dwellings! Thus do We recompense the people who are Mujrimûn (polytheists, disbelievers, sinners, etc.)! al-Ahqaf(46/21-26)
They were destroyed by a cold,ravaging,howling wind beating upon them from all directions, rendering them like hollowed palm tree trunks.
13. But if they turn away, then say (O Muhammad SAW): "I have warned you of a Sâ'iqah (a destructive awful cry, torment, hit, a thunderbolt) like the Sâ'iqah which overtook 'Ad and Thamûd (people)." Fussilat (41/13)
15. As for 'Ad, they were arrogant in the land without right, and they said: "Who is mightier than us in strength?" See they not that Allâh, Who created them was mightier in strength than them. And they used to deny Our Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, revelations, etc.)!
16. So We sent upon them furious wind in days of evil omen (for them) that We might give them a taste of disgracing torment in this present worldly life, but surely the torment of the Hereafter will be more disgracing, and they will never be helped. Fussilat(41/15-6)
They built their dwelling in the ahqaf which were turned to mere sand dunes. Had ALlah not told us about them in the Quran we wouldn't have known at all about them. Allah totally wiped them out. The wind that destroyed them slammed them for seven days and eight nights in succession.
21. And remember (Hûd) the brother of 'Ad, when he warned his people in Al-Ahqâf (the curved sand-hills in the southern part of Arabian Peninsula). And surely, there have passed away warners before him and after him (saying): "Worship none but Allâh; truly, I fear for you the torment of a mighty Day." Al-Ahqaf (46/21)
41. And in 'Ad (there is also a sign) when We sent against them the barren wind;
42. It spared nothing that it reached, but blew it into broken spreads of rotten ruins.Az-Zaariyat(51/41-42)
18. 'Ad (people) belied (their Prophet, Hûd), then how (terrible) was My Torment and My Warnings?
19. Verily, We sent against them a furious wind of harsh voice on a day of evil omen and continuous calamity.
20. Plucking out men as if they were uprooted stems of date-palms.
21. Then, how (terrible) was My Torment and My Warnings?
22. And We have indeed made the Qur'ân easy to understand and remember, then is there any that will remember (or receive admonition)?Al-Qamar(54/)
6. And as for 'Ad, they were destroyed by a furious violent wind;
7. Which Allâh imposed on them for seven nights and eight days in succession, so that you could see men lying overthrown (destroyed), as if they were hollow trunks of date-palms! Al-Haqqah(69/6-7)
Prophet Salih & The Thamood:
Prophet Salih was a young man from a noble family.They were preparing him to be their leader. Once Salih called them to Allah, they rejected him and asked for a sign to prove that he really was a prophet, so Allah gave them a sign, which was the she-camel that came out of a rock. There were some rules though that they were supposed to follow regarding the camels.
1. They were to let her drink the water and take turns with her.
2. They were not to harm her in any way.
73. And to Thamûd (people, We sent) their brother Sâlih (Saleh). He said: "O my people! Worship Allâh! You have no other Ilâh (God) but Him. (Lâ ilâha ill-Allâh: none has the right to be worshipped but Allâh). Indeed there has come to you a clear sign (the miracle of the coming out of a huge shecamel from the midst of a rock) from your Lord. This shecamel of Allâh is a sign unto you; so you leave her to graze in Allâh's earth, and touch her not with harm, lest a painful torment should seize you.
74. "And remember when He made you successors after 'Ad (people) and gave you habitations in the land, you build for yourselves palaces in plains, and carve out homes in the mountains. So remember the graces (bestowed upon you) from Allâh, and do not go about making mischief on the earth."
75. The leaders of those who were arrogant among his people said to those who were counted weak - to such of them as believed: "Know you that Sâlih (Saleh) is one sent from his Lord." They said: "We indeed believe in that with which he has been sent."
76. Those who were arrogant said: "Verily, we disbelieve in that which you believe in."
77. So they killed the shecamel and insolently defied the Commandment of their Lord, and said: "O Sâlih (Saleh)! Bring about your threats if you are indeed one of the Messengers (of Allâh)."
78. So the earthquake seized them, and they lay (dead), prostrate in their homes.
79. Then he [Sâlih (Saleh)] turned from them, and said: "O my people! I have indeed conveyed to you the Message of my Lord, and have given you good advice but you like not good advisers." Al-A'raf(7/73-79)
11. Thamûd (people) denied (their Prophet) through their transgression (by rejecting the true Faith of Islâmic Monotheism, and by following polytheism, and by committing every kind of sin).
12. When the most wicked man among them went forth (to kill the she-camel).
13. But the Messenger of Allâh [Sâlih (Saleh) <><>] said to them: "Be cautious! Fear the evil end. That is the she-camel of Allâh! (Do not harm it) and bar it not from having its drink!"
14. Then they denied him and they killed it. So their Lord destroyed them because of their sin, and made them equal in destruction (i.e. all grades of people, rich and poor, strong and weak, etc.)!
15. And He (Allâh) feared not the consequences thereof. As-Shams(91/11-15)
61. And to Thamûd (people, We sent) their brother Sâlih (Saleh). He said: "O my people! Worship Allâh, you have no other Ilâh (God) but Him. He brought you forth from the earth and settled you therein, then ask forgiveness of Him and turn to Him in repentance. Certainly, my Lord is Near (to all by His Knowledge), Responsive."
62. They said: "O Sâlih (Saleh)! You have been among us as a figure of good hope (and we wished for you to be our chief), till this [new thing which you have brought; that we leave our gods and worship your God (Allâh) Alone]! Do you (now) forbid us the worship of what our fathers have worshipped? But we are really in grave doubt as to that which you invite us to (monotheism)."
63. He said: "O my people! Tell me, if I have a clear proof from my Lord, and there has come to me a Mercy (Prophethood, etc.) from Him, who then can help me against Allâh, if I were to disobey Him? Then you increase me not but in loss.
64. "And O my people! This she-camel of Allâh is a sign to you, leave her to feed on Allâh's earth, and touch her not with evil, lest a near torment will seize you."
65. But they killed her. So he said: "Enjoy yourselves in your homes for three days. This is a promise (i.e. a threat) that will not be belied."
66. So when Our Commandment came, We saved Sâlih (Saleh) and those who believed with him by a Mercy from Us, and from the disgrace of that Day. Verily, your Lord, He is the All-Strong, the All-Mighty.
67. And As-Saîhah (torment - awful cry, etc.) overtook the wrong-doers, so they lay (dead), prostrate in their homes, -
68. As if they had never lived there. No doubt! Verily, Thamûd disbelieved in their Lord. So away with Thamûd! Hud (11/61-68)
59. And nothing stops Us from sending the Ayât (proofs, evidences, signs) but that the people of old denied them. And We sent the she-camel to Thamûd as a clear sign, but they did her wrong. And We sent not the signs except to warn, and to make them afraid (of destruction).Al-Isra'(17/59)
They carved out their dwellings from the mountainous rocks. They were very skilled architects. They were also blessed with wealth in agriculture like the 'Aad.
9. And (with) Thamûd (people), who cut (hewed) out rocks in the valley (to make dwellings)?Al-Fajr(89/9)
38. And (also) 'Ad and Thamûd, and the dwellers of Ar-Rass, and many generations in between.Al-Furqaan(25/38)
141. Thamûd (people) belied the Messenger.
142. When their brother Sâlih (Saleh) said to them: "Will you not fear Allâh and obey Him?
143. "I am a trustworthy Messenger to you.
144. "So fear Allâh, keep your duty to Him, and obey me.
145. "No reward do I ask of you for it (my Message of Islâmic Monotheism), my reward is only from the Lord of the 'Alamîn (mankind, jinns and all that exists).
146. "Will you be left secure in that which you have here?
147. "In gardens and springs.
148. And green crops (fields etc.) and date-palms with soft spadix.
149. "And you carve houses out of mountains with great skill.
150. "So fear Allâh, keep your duty to Him, and obey me.
151. "And follow not the command of Al-Musrifûn [i.e. their chiefs, leaders who were polytheists, criminals and sinners],
152. "Who make mischief in the land, and reform not."
153. They said: "You are only of those bewitched!
154. "You are but a human being like us. Then bring us a sign if you are of the truthful."
155. He said: "Here is a she-camel; it has a right to drink (water), and you have a right to drink (water) (each) on a day, known.
156. "And touch her not with harm, lest the torment of a Great Day seize you."
157. But they killed her, and then they became regretful.
158. So the torment overtook them. Verily, in this is indeed a sign, yet most of them are not believers.
159. And verily! Your Lord, He is indeed the All-Mighty, the Most Merciful. As-Shuara(26/141-159)
14. When the Messengers came to them, from before them and behind them (saying): "Worship none but Allâh" They said: "If our Lord had so willed, He would surely have sent down the angels. So indeed! We disbelieve in that with which you have been sent." Fussilat(41/14)
17. And as for Thamûd, We showed and made clear to them the Path of Truth (Islâmic Monotheism) through Our Messenger, (i.e. showed them the way of success), but they preferred blindness to guidance, so the Sâ'iqah (a destructive awful cry, torment, hit, a thunderbolt) of disgracing torment seized them, because of what they used to earn. Fussilat(41/17)
43. And in Thamûd (there is also a sign), when they were told: "Enjoy yourselves for a while!"
44. But they insolently defied the Command of their Lord, so the Sâ'iqah[] overtook them while they were looking. az-Zaariyat(51/43-44)
23. Thamûd (people also) belied the warnings.
24. For they said: "A man! Alone from among us, that we are to follow? Truly, then we should be in error and distress or madness!"
25. "Is it that the Reminder is sent to him [Prophet Sâlih (Saleh) <><>] alone from among us? Nay, he is an insolent liar!"
26. Tomorrow they will come to know, who is the liar, the insolent one!
27. Verily, We are sending the she-camel as a test for them. So watch them [O Sâlih (Saleh) <><>], and be patient!
28. And inform them that the water is to be shared between (her and) them. Each one's right to drink being established (by turns).
29. But they called their comrade and he took (a sword) and killed (her).
30. Then, how (terrible) was My Torment and My Warnings?
31. Verily, We sent against them a single Saîhah (torment - awful cry, etc.), and they became like the dry stubble of a fold-builder.al-Qamar(54/18-31)
5. As for Thamûd, they were destroyed by the awful cry! Al-Haqqah(69/5)
But of course they did disobey Allah. Nine men plotted to kill the she camel. When they did reach the camel, they hesitated because it was bigger than the normal camel. Then one man, the most evil one among them went forth and stabbed her in the leg and when she fell they killed her. They then went to Salih and mocked him, asking for the punishment that was promised. Salih said they had 3 days to enjoy themselves. Day 1 passed, then day 2 then day 3. By then they were full of arrogance and mockery, taunting Salih for the promised punishment. On day 4 however, just as promised, the punishment which was an earthquake, probably triggered by the loud cry which could be equivalent to a sound wave that is able to shake the earth, struck them dead.
When we reached the part where the ayah was recited in which the most evil man among them went forth, I asked them,
"Does the ayat sound familiar?"
"No,"
"Yes,"
"What surah is it?" I asked.
"Ummm,"
Silence.
Suddenly, a small voice piped up,
"As-Shams."
She remembers. They went to summer school in 2002 or was it 2003 at Sunrise and had to memorize that Surah for that summer. So every time I picked them up we would recite the surah in the van on the way home to aid their memorization. We actually even did an accordion book on some arabic words from that surah, where I had them write down the word in Arabic and illustrate the particular page with regards to the word. I can still remember a picture of a camel and a dagger probably drawn by N.
So we finally sorted out the similarities and differences between the people of 'Aad and Thamood. I learned something new too, which is the best part of homeschooling. In compiling these ayats on Thamood and 'Aad, I can't help but notice the source of confusion. They are always mentioned together. As for the punishment, it seemed to be very similar too, except that the 'Aad's punishment was mentioned to go on for 7 days and 8 nights, and also the fact that 'Aad was created to be very tall people.
I never learned of these details when i was growing up. My only source of the stories of the prophets was one meager book which I read over and over again.
It was also interesting to note that during the listening session, every once in a while the kids would stop the tape and ask,
"What's noble?"
"What's tyrant?"
"How can a man kill another man?"
"What's a sound wave?"
Friday, October 21, 2005
H and Fasting
H's enthusiasm wasn't as sprightly as his sisters with regards to fasting. He tried it the first day and when he realized that it wasn't as fun as it sounded, he refused to fast the next day. Every night I would ask them,
"Who wants to fast tomorrow?"
Whoever raises their hand or pipes "Me!" would be woken up for suhoor.
After a while it seemed that H refused to fast almost every day and I started to think that maybe I should coax him gently into it without letting him off the hook that easily. So I told him that he can fast some days and not fast on others. He agreed.
yesterday at 2 pm he came crawling to my room. I asked him,
"What's up?" already knowing the answer, and he replied,
"I'm hungry."
"Well, you can tahan or you can break your fast. It's up to you," thinking that maybe he would hold it out till the end.
When I got downstairs, he was happily chomping into a cookie.
"Did you break your fast?"
"Yeah," he said rather jauntily.
"Eat some dates," I said.
Today, I coaxed him to fast again and told him that he can do half or 3/4 day if he wants. He agreed. 4 pm today, he was still fasting, sitting on the couch watching TV. I went up to him, hugged him and commended him on keeping his fast, all the while saying,
"Allah will be so pleased, and will give you lots of reward."
I went back upstairs. A while later he came up to my bed and I asked him,
"What's up?"
"I'm hungry," was his reply, as expected.
"Well, you can break your fast or you can tahan. It's up to you," I said, caressing his weary face.
"But I want Allah's reward," he said, sending jitters up my spine. Jitters of joy.
"Well, let's see. You have two more hours till iftar time. Maybe you can sleep. That way you won't feel that hungry," I suggested.
"But I need a warm blanket to sleep," he said.
I almost broke out laughing, but abstained from even smiling, as he would probably get mad if i did.
"Do we have warm blankets downstairs?" I asked.
"Yes," he nodded and proceeded to go downstairs like a good little boy.
Ahhh.......H and fasting.
"Who wants to fast tomorrow?"
Whoever raises their hand or pipes "Me!" would be woken up for suhoor.
After a while it seemed that H refused to fast almost every day and I started to think that maybe I should coax him gently into it without letting him off the hook that easily. So I told him that he can fast some days and not fast on others. He agreed.
yesterday at 2 pm he came crawling to my room. I asked him,
"What's up?" already knowing the answer, and he replied,
"I'm hungry."
"Well, you can tahan or you can break your fast. It's up to you," thinking that maybe he would hold it out till the end.
When I got downstairs, he was happily chomping into a cookie.
"Did you break your fast?"
"Yeah," he said rather jauntily.
"Eat some dates," I said.
Today, I coaxed him to fast again and told him that he can do half or 3/4 day if he wants. He agreed. 4 pm today, he was still fasting, sitting on the couch watching TV. I went up to him, hugged him and commended him on keeping his fast, all the while saying,
"Allah will be so pleased, and will give you lots of reward."
I went back upstairs. A while later he came up to my bed and I asked him,
"What's up?"
"I'm hungry," was his reply, as expected.
"Well, you can break your fast or you can tahan. It's up to you," I said, caressing his weary face.
"But I want Allah's reward," he said, sending jitters up my spine. Jitters of joy.
"Well, let's see. You have two more hours till iftar time. Maybe you can sleep. That way you won't feel that hungry," I suggested.
"But I need a warm blanket to sleep," he said.
I almost broke out laughing, but abstained from even smiling, as he would probably get mad if i did.
"Do we have warm blankets downstairs?" I asked.
"Yes," he nodded and proceeded to go downstairs like a good little boy.
Ahhh.......H and fasting.
Hijab, Make Up and Girls
I think I may have donw something wrong with my girls. They are now crazy over wearing hijab to the point that N doesn't even want to take hers off hours after we get home. I've been toying with this rectangular hijab Mummy gave me recently. As of yet, I still don't have the courage to wear it outside, for fear of it slipping off and me panicking to no end.
However, I do conduct my little experiments at home, which is simply standing in front of the mirror (which by the way is covered with grubby little hand and finger prints aside from dried littly boy spittle coming from the incessant chattering of H)and wrapping that green flimsy piece of cloth around my head while assessing how big my face looks and how I would like it if my face were more oblong.
Yet, everytime I delve into my little experiments, I am always compelled to add a touch of lipstick and a smear of kuhl. I don't know what it is but it's appearing to me like this little charade I do in front of the mirror every now and then is becoming like a little in house play. I don't put on kuhl going out of the house, let alone make up. So when I do 'dress up', it gives the kids something amusing to look at, it seems like.
"Ummi, you look pretty!"
"Ummi, you look younger!" Uh oh!
Then comes the question,
"Ummi, how do you put that black thing on our eyes?"
"Ummi, can you put it on me now?"
That is all well since I suppose all girls go through that stage where their vanity overtakes them. But as I was recounting our little posing session in front of the mirror to F, I found myself saying to him,
"You know, notice how the girls insist that their hijab is pointed? They like wearing the hijab now and I think my current obsession with that green piece of hijab is giving them ideas on how appealing hijab can actually be."
He was lying in bed smothered by the duvet, trying to fall asleep, while I chattered on in the dark as I got ready to get in bed, when I heard myself, and immediately I went,
"Uh oh! What have I done???"
All my 'why we do it- for Allah' is being swept aside for the deceiving reasons we do what we do. Am I teaching them to wear hijab because it's appealing?
I see N glued in front of the mirror with her cute little blue Amira hijab, shaped so it's pointed, enhancing her chubby cheeks gloriously. I see her staring at herself, smiling, making faces and most disturbingly, refusing to pull herself away from the mirror and even more disturbingly, trying to change into her pajamas with her hijab intact!
S tells me,
"I want to have it pointed too."
Worse yet, I hear myself saying,
"You want it pointed too? Let me tell you a secret. First, you...."
She's only eight, and the conversation sounds like I'm talking to a teenager.
Few days ago, we went to the library. To my utmost surprise, the girls grabbed their hijabs and we drove to the library, hijabed mommy with two little behijabbed girls in tow, of course with little chatterbox H skipping away, mouth churning out what only he understood.
So far, the girls have put on their hijabs whenever we go to collective iftars. I tell them to put on something long and they immediately put on their hijabs. I know this should make me feel good, but it doesn't.
I don't want them growing up doing something just because they were taught to, without knowing the reason why. I don't want them growing up like so many raised Muslims, myself highlighted.
But, I guess, it is then my job, my responsibility screaming at me in the face,
"IT'S YOUR JOB TO MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND WHY!"
I have my job laid out for me now. I don't think I can drill the reason in them and hope that will do what they do because of all the right reasons right off the bat, but I do pray that even if their initial intention is somewhat off, that my constant drilling will prevail in the end to remind them the real reason why we do what we do.
As for my flimsy green Wardina-style hijab, I might, might just have the courage to start wearing it outside the house after I get the inner part of the head scarf. It would do wonders in spring and summer when the naughty wind wishes to de-hijab you by tugging at the tail of your Turkish hijab and boldly flips it over your head, rendering you a Muslim woman with hijab all over her face and hair hanging out behind her head.
However, I do conduct my little experiments at home, which is simply standing in front of the mirror (which by the way is covered with grubby little hand and finger prints aside from dried littly boy spittle coming from the incessant chattering of H)and wrapping that green flimsy piece of cloth around my head while assessing how big my face looks and how I would like it if my face were more oblong.
Yet, everytime I delve into my little experiments, I am always compelled to add a touch of lipstick and a smear of kuhl. I don't know what it is but it's appearing to me like this little charade I do in front of the mirror every now and then is becoming like a little in house play. I don't put on kuhl going out of the house, let alone make up. So when I do 'dress up', it gives the kids something amusing to look at, it seems like.
"Ummi, you look pretty!"
"Ummi, you look younger!" Uh oh!
Then comes the question,
"Ummi, how do you put that black thing on our eyes?"
"Ummi, can you put it on me now?"
That is all well since I suppose all girls go through that stage where their vanity overtakes them. But as I was recounting our little posing session in front of the mirror to F, I found myself saying to him,
"You know, notice how the girls insist that their hijab is pointed? They like wearing the hijab now and I think my current obsession with that green piece of hijab is giving them ideas on how appealing hijab can actually be."
He was lying in bed smothered by the duvet, trying to fall asleep, while I chattered on in the dark as I got ready to get in bed, when I heard myself, and immediately I went,
"Uh oh! What have I done???"
All my 'why we do it- for Allah' is being swept aside for the deceiving reasons we do what we do. Am I teaching them to wear hijab because it's appealing?
I see N glued in front of the mirror with her cute little blue Amira hijab, shaped so it's pointed, enhancing her chubby cheeks gloriously. I see her staring at herself, smiling, making faces and most disturbingly, refusing to pull herself away from the mirror and even more disturbingly, trying to change into her pajamas with her hijab intact!
S tells me,
"I want to have it pointed too."
Worse yet, I hear myself saying,
"You want it pointed too? Let me tell you a secret. First, you...."
She's only eight, and the conversation sounds like I'm talking to a teenager.
Few days ago, we went to the library. To my utmost surprise, the girls grabbed their hijabs and we drove to the library, hijabed mommy with two little behijabbed girls in tow, of course with little chatterbox H skipping away, mouth churning out what only he understood.
So far, the girls have put on their hijabs whenever we go to collective iftars. I tell them to put on something long and they immediately put on their hijabs. I know this should make me feel good, but it doesn't.
I don't want them growing up doing something just because they were taught to, without knowing the reason why. I don't want them growing up like so many raised Muslims, myself highlighted.
But, I guess, it is then my job, my responsibility screaming at me in the face,
"IT'S YOUR JOB TO MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND WHY!"
I have my job laid out for me now. I don't think I can drill the reason in them and hope that will do what they do because of all the right reasons right off the bat, but I do pray that even if their initial intention is somewhat off, that my constant drilling will prevail in the end to remind them the real reason why we do what we do.
As for my flimsy green Wardina-style hijab, I might, might just have the courage to start wearing it outside the house after I get the inner part of the head scarf. It would do wonders in spring and summer when the naughty wind wishes to de-hijab you by tugging at the tail of your Turkish hijab and boldly flips it over your head, rendering you a Muslim woman with hijab all over her face and hair hanging out behind her head.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Parenting
Ramadan is not all about abstaining from eating and drinking, yet probably, for most of us, it is.
Surah Albaqarah (2/183)
183. O you who believe! Observing As-Saum (the fasting)[] is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqûn (the pious - see V.2:2).
When we teach our children about fasting, we tend to want to make it easy for them. The most common way of making them see what Ramadah is all about is to say that we fast so we can feel how the poor feel when they have no food. The approach is not all bad, but in doing so, we are abandoning the main reason why we are commanded to fast.
Muttaqun. To be of the muttaqun. That's the reason. if the reason for fasting is so that we can feel how the poor feel, it doesn't make our fasting any different from that of the Christians, Jews or even atheists. They can fast and claim that they want to empathize with the poor and they would indeed technically be fasting.
Yet for us, it's important to differentiate the exact reason of fasting as mentioned by Allah. And it's equally important for us to deliver this reason to our children.
We see instances of parents with children who fast a full Ramadan every year, but those same children don't pray regularly. Why? Probably because the fasting is merely abstaining from drinking and eating. Mahatma Gandhi can do it, in fact, they can even fast non stop, which can prove to be a tougher feat to execute as it boils down to physical stamina. Our fasting is not a test of physical stamina only. It's more a test of spiritual stamina to be exact. That is why fasting is one act of worship that can't be done by hypocrites for reasons of hypocrisy.
Abû Hurayrah relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Allah says: ‘Every deed of the child of Adam is for himself, except for fasting. It is for Me and I shall reward it.’ Fasting is a shield, so if it is a day of fasting for any one of you, then he should engage in no obscenity or shouting. If anyone belittles him or fights with him, he should just say ‘I am a person who is fasting’. I swear by Him in whose hand is Muhammad’s soul, the smell of the fasting person’s breath is sweeter to Allah on the Day of Judgment than that of musk. The fasting person has two occasions for joy, one when he breaks his fast because of his breaking it and the other when he meets his Lord because of the reward for his fast.”
[Sahîh al-Bukhârî (7492) and Sahîh Muslim (1151) with the wording being that of Muslim]
I have overheard a conversation of a convert among some Muslim sisters,
"I never met any Muslims on campus before and when i did I was so excited. I asked them why they fast in Ramadan and they said, "So we can feel what the poor people feel," and I was like...wha? huh? that's it??"
When I overheard that conversation, it struck me really deep because I would probably have given the same answer years ago if people were to ask me that same question. At first I couldn't understand why she wasn't satisfied with that answer, but as I looked at the ayat commanding us to fast, it dawned on me the exact reason why we are commanded to fast.
I'm fortunate that i realized that while my children are still young, so I can teach them. ALhamdulillah. Parenting is in essence a deep scrutiny of ourselves. Only in being a parent would one realize how shallow his knowledge is and how incompetent he is. Nothing else can make you feel more inferior than being a parent.
Yet, Allah doesn't give us a burden we are not able to bear, so that must mean that bestowed the gift of being a parent entails more than simply raising a child.
Surah al-Baqarah(2/286) 286. Allâh burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. "Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error, our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us (Jews and Christians); our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us Forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Maulâ (Patron, Suppor-ter and Protector, etc.) and give us victory over the disbelieving people.[]"
It's actually a drive for us to better ourselves as human beings, as Mukmins. If we really care about the well being of our children here and in the hereafter, we would strive to equip ourselves with the knowledge we are responsible for imparting on them. Even if we send them to Islamic schools and what nots, it is still our responsibility to seek knowledge, if not as parents, then as Muslims. The teachers at schools can only do so much. it's the environment at home, the parents who are actually at the helm of the ship that carries the future generation. it's the parents who are the one responsible in navigating that very ship on the right path and make sure they don't lose their children to the sharks. However, it must also be kept in mind that children are a test.
Surah at-Taghaboon (64/15) 15. Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas Allâh! With Him is a great reward (Paradise).
We shouldn't beat ourselves up over how much we can do for our children. It can very well be the case that we do almost everything right yet our children turn out to be otherwise, nauzubillah. Though it's true that parents shape their children's values, it is also the fact that Allah is the final determinant. Our prophet Nuh's son was one of the drowned disbelievers. Being a pious parent doesn't necessarily guarantee churning out pious children. Sometimes the children will undergo a period of rebellion and will later go back to their pure fitrah. We as parents, can only do our best and by that I mean REALLY asessing what we should do. And it's also the case for the opposite: impious parents doesn't necessarily mean impious children. I have known a lot of good Muslims coming from impious backgrounds, and converts are sound proofs for that too.
Guidance only come from Allah and that is what we should always be asking for.
Ya muqallibal quloob, thabbit qalbee 'alaa deenik.
Surah Albaqarah (2/183)
183. O you who believe! Observing As-Saum (the fasting)[] is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqûn (the pious - see V.2:2).
When we teach our children about fasting, we tend to want to make it easy for them. The most common way of making them see what Ramadah is all about is to say that we fast so we can feel how the poor feel when they have no food. The approach is not all bad, but in doing so, we are abandoning the main reason why we are commanded to fast.
Muttaqun. To be of the muttaqun. That's the reason. if the reason for fasting is so that we can feel how the poor feel, it doesn't make our fasting any different from that of the Christians, Jews or even atheists. They can fast and claim that they want to empathize with the poor and they would indeed technically be fasting.
Yet for us, it's important to differentiate the exact reason of fasting as mentioned by Allah. And it's equally important for us to deliver this reason to our children.
We see instances of parents with children who fast a full Ramadan every year, but those same children don't pray regularly. Why? Probably because the fasting is merely abstaining from drinking and eating. Mahatma Gandhi can do it, in fact, they can even fast non stop, which can prove to be a tougher feat to execute as it boils down to physical stamina. Our fasting is not a test of physical stamina only. It's more a test of spiritual stamina to be exact. That is why fasting is one act of worship that can't be done by hypocrites for reasons of hypocrisy.
Abû Hurayrah relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Allah says: ‘Every deed of the child of Adam is for himself, except for fasting. It is for Me and I shall reward it.’ Fasting is a shield, so if it is a day of fasting for any one of you, then he should engage in no obscenity or shouting. If anyone belittles him or fights with him, he should just say ‘I am a person who is fasting’. I swear by Him in whose hand is Muhammad’s soul, the smell of the fasting person’s breath is sweeter to Allah on the Day of Judgment than that of musk. The fasting person has two occasions for joy, one when he breaks his fast because of his breaking it and the other when he meets his Lord because of the reward for his fast.”
[Sahîh al-Bukhârî (7492) and Sahîh Muslim (1151) with the wording being that of Muslim]
I have overheard a conversation of a convert among some Muslim sisters,
"I never met any Muslims on campus before and when i did I was so excited. I asked them why they fast in Ramadan and they said, "So we can feel what the poor people feel," and I was like...wha? huh? that's it??"
When I overheard that conversation, it struck me really deep because I would probably have given the same answer years ago if people were to ask me that same question. At first I couldn't understand why she wasn't satisfied with that answer, but as I looked at the ayat commanding us to fast, it dawned on me the exact reason why we are commanded to fast.
I'm fortunate that i realized that while my children are still young, so I can teach them. ALhamdulillah. Parenting is in essence a deep scrutiny of ourselves. Only in being a parent would one realize how shallow his knowledge is and how incompetent he is. Nothing else can make you feel more inferior than being a parent.
Yet, Allah doesn't give us a burden we are not able to bear, so that must mean that bestowed the gift of being a parent entails more than simply raising a child.
Surah al-Baqarah(2/286) 286. Allâh burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. "Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error, our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us (Jews and Christians); our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us Forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Maulâ (Patron, Suppor-ter and Protector, etc.) and give us victory over the disbelieving people.[]"
It's actually a drive for us to better ourselves as human beings, as Mukmins. If we really care about the well being of our children here and in the hereafter, we would strive to equip ourselves with the knowledge we are responsible for imparting on them. Even if we send them to Islamic schools and what nots, it is still our responsibility to seek knowledge, if not as parents, then as Muslims. The teachers at schools can only do so much. it's the environment at home, the parents who are actually at the helm of the ship that carries the future generation. it's the parents who are the one responsible in navigating that very ship on the right path and make sure they don't lose their children to the sharks. However, it must also be kept in mind that children are a test.
Surah at-Taghaboon (64/15) 15. Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas Allâh! With Him is a great reward (Paradise).
We shouldn't beat ourselves up over how much we can do for our children. It can very well be the case that we do almost everything right yet our children turn out to be otherwise, nauzubillah. Though it's true that parents shape their children's values, it is also the fact that Allah is the final determinant. Our prophet Nuh's son was one of the drowned disbelievers. Being a pious parent doesn't necessarily guarantee churning out pious children. Sometimes the children will undergo a period of rebellion and will later go back to their pure fitrah. We as parents, can only do our best and by that I mean REALLY asessing what we should do. And it's also the case for the opposite: impious parents doesn't necessarily mean impious children. I have known a lot of good Muslims coming from impious backgrounds, and converts are sound proofs for that too.
Guidance only come from Allah and that is what we should always be asking for.
Ya muqallibal quloob, thabbit qalbee 'alaa deenik.
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