Why Don't You Work?

We stayed at friends' houses during the trip to the east coast. Only one family was an old friend that we already knew before. The rest were new people who we just came to know on the trip.

A question that I haven't been asked for quite some time because I haven't met any Malaysians for quite some time popped up again and again during the trip,

"Why don't you work?"

"I homeschool the kids," I replied, but it went on deaf ears and I only found out later on that they didn't know what homeschooling was! Only after they knew did they acknowledge me staying home for a reason and not simply idling my time away.

Of course the next logical question came up,

"Why?"

This question, I refrained from answering right away, simply because it takes hikmah to do so. I didn't want to imply that sending kids to public school would necessarily result in rotten apples because it doesn't, but there's always that unspoken implication lingering in the air after the word homeschooling pops up. Of course then they brought up issues of social interactions, which I am struggling with for the kids, but insyaallah getting better over time.

I can't help but feel at least slightly annoyed at being thrown the assumption that staying home is generally idling away. At least to the Malay culture it is, and I understand that. In the Malay culture, pursuit of a career is one of the ultimate goals in life. If not career, then money. Of course there's always two sides of a coin, but then again, what works for one family might not necessarily work for another. Each of us decide our own priorities and act according to that.

Thank goodness I have gotten over my 'down time' of homeschooling before I was faced with these questions. Otherwise I might have caved in and give up homeschooling altogether. However, I do see the effects in the kids. I can happily say that my kids don't know the Disney Fairy Tales characters like the back of their hands. I can also happily say that they insyaallah can use good judgment in conflicting scnearios.

We had left them with the other kids in the apartment to go shopping in Morgantown. The TV was on. The channel that was on was not exactly my cup of tea, but it was not my house, so I kept silent. The kids know by now that I don't particularly like them watching certain cartoons. When we got home, the other kids were perched in front of the TV watching a video clip and I found my three kids in the room playing by themselves.

"Why weren't you guys out there playing with the other kids?" I asked them. i was growing incredulously perturbed by my kids introvert nature.

"They were watching music," said S.

A feeling of gratefulness showered me and instantly I praised them for using good judgment. I couldn't help but feel grateful to Allah for showing me some benefit of my toil all these years.

Christman concerts and parties are rampant at this time of year in schools. During our trip, the kids of our friends were mostly involved in choirs and concerts. I didn't exactly express my opinion on the participation, but mostly felt somewhat 'bad' for not seeing it as a trivial matter as they seem to.

Having my kids participate in a simple concert, let alone one associated with Christmas would greatly drive me nuts. I tried looking at it in a neutral manner, in order to put myself in these parents' shoes, but I couldn't help feeling somber. Maybe all these participation in these 'trivial' celebrations wouldn't affect the kids' aqeedah per se, but surely, they affect the kids' heart somewhat, don't they?

I can't help but think they do. F eased the wrinkles of doubt in my heart by saying just that. The parents were having a discussion on how muscial instruments actually help the brain's focus on math. In silence, I listened and felt somewhat like a misfit due to my position on musical instruments in Islam. Later on, I related the conversation to F, who simply responded,

"What's the effect on the heart?"

I always think to myself,

"These Muslim kids who go to public school really seem alright to me. What't the difference? Should I be doing this at all?"

But then we never really know. Another aspect to it is, it is Allah who Guides. No matter what we do, if He doesn't guide us, we're doomed. My kids can turn out either way, but it's Allah who truly decides and my part in it is to simply do my best and keep at my duas. Dua is a very powerful tool, but most of us forget because of its seeming intangibility.

When our tire went flat in the rolling hills of Virginia during the trip, I told the kids to fervently make dua to Allah to help us out. They did. ALl the time during the trip they did and the matter of dua came up several times. One time, while they were talking about making wishes, I directed the issue towards dua.

"I wish we have a baby sister like H---," said S, who has apparently fallen in love with little baby H.

"You know what you can do?" I said, thinking it a great opportunity to direct all these western culture to Islam.

"Instead of 'wishing' it, you can ask Allah right away. Allah is right there waiting for you to ask. Make dua," and I can tell the significance of it immediately sunk in with S at least for she was silent and Allah knows, maybe she did make a dua for little baby sister. As for my preferences, well that's a whole 'nother story.