Leaving Them

Hubby and I are going to Dearborn, MI today to attend Route 114. They don't have babysitting so we had to leave the kids.

So far we have left the kids twice; once when we went to Hawaii and another time when we left them for the second weekend during Fiqh Of love in Indianapolis.

"I don't like it when both you and Abi leave us," said S.

"Oh, why?" I asked. It was the first time she ever expressed that sentiment, and to be honest, I was somewhat surprised. I thought they enjoyed not having us hover over them all the time.

"Because it just doesn't feel good," she replied.

I remember S crying when I called home while we were in Hawaii. N cried too. Most of the time, they cried at night.

"Did you cry at night when Ummi and Abi were at Indianapolis?" I never thought to ask them this before.

"I'm not going to tell you," said S. That means yes.

N nodded.

"H, how do you feel about Ummi and Abi leaving?" I asked him at another time.

"Sad. No, actually happy, because I don't like Wisconsin."

"But we're not going to Wisconsin. We're going to Michigan. Remember the place that has the Halal McDonald's?"

"Oh, yeah! Waaaaaaaaaa...Then I feel sad, because I love Michigan."

After querying them and finding out how they trule feel about us both leaving them, I feel utterly sad leaving them.

When we left for Hawaii, I was enshrouded with guilt and sorrow. When we went to Indianapolis, I didn't have time to feel sad because we had to be there by 10 am, or they would close the door on us. Today, since yesterday, I felt somber.

We're also going to be travelling with brothers and sisters who are either not married yet or don't have kids yet, so this feeling will be even more prominent because I don't have anyone to share them with. When I went to Ann Arbor with the sisters, I felt sad leaving hubby and the kids, but I soon distracted myself by being around other people.

This time though, both hubby and I are leaving. I had cooked a lot of food that the freezer is now so packed. The fact of the matter is; whether we leave the kids or bring them, I still have to do a lot of work. If we leave them, I have to make sure they have food and that their babysitter doesn't have to cook. If we bring them, well, let's just say it's a hassle I wouldn't want to go through every week.

However, it's enlightening to know that these kids don't like to be left behind. I always thought they rather enjoyed it.