Unmotivated Child

I was reading a back issue of Home Education Magazine, and came across a question-answer article titled Stifled by Excellence. The questioner was a homeschooling dad who is troubled by his unmotivated 13 year old daughter who has been homeschooled by her mother who is a perfectionist. Her mother has given up in pushing her daughter to 'do school', and handed over the task to the father. The father was asking how he could change his daughter to have crave learning.

The problem sounds a little bit like the problem I was having with my kids, who would groan whenever I tell them to 'do school'. I had read about how 'public-school-at-home' deemed as homeschooling is actually detrimental to the status of traditional homeschooling in America, but in the chaos of 'schooling' my kids, I had not enough time to ponder over the matter. I knew in the depths of my heart that the 'school' I was imposing on my children are in a way making them hate 'learning'. In this way, they are no different than kids who go to school. But I was too caught up in worries of not having official records to show for their schooling when we go back to Malaysia, if we do (which I hope not for simplicity's sake- with regards to their schooling). Plus, hubby said that we could not afford to homeschool them the traditional way, and to keep doing the 'umbrella program' because the computer and other materials are free. So I did stick with it, until recently, thanks to the arrival of Baby Z, who made me rethink everything, and research everything again, with fresh eyes, and a new open mind.

The advice given to this problem is that of common sense. Well, it seems common sense to me now, at least. Instead of focusing to change the child, the father is advised to change himself first, build a relationship with his daughter, let his daughter pursue and discover her interests, and allow her to make mistakes. And instead of focusing on perfection and doing school, she should be allowed to explore the world at her own pace so she might discover her true interests. A love of learning is developed when it is not forced. That is true. I can say that from observation of my children and my own experience.

This morning, the three kids and I went out to play tennis, while Baby Z napped at home, with hubby to watch him. After tennis, which was not that productive because the morning was somewhat hot since we went a little late, around 10 am, so we headed for the library. Since the kids were already engrossed in their little 'research' and Powerpoint presentations, they were excited when I told them they could check out books. I grabbed my reserved book from the reserve shelf, and looked for the kids in the children's section.

They were nowhere to be seen. Suffice it to say, I was a little concerned, and headed for the van, thinking that they might be there, but they were not. So I went back to the library, and looked for them again. In my head, I was already thinking of child abduction. Lo and behold, I found them in the non fiction aisle in the adult section. The library had recently revamped its aisles, so all the non fiction books were put in the adult section.

I held my tongue, which was about to say,

"Where'd you guys go?! I was looking for you!"

Worry is commonly replaced by anger once the cause for worry is gone, isn't it? Especially when it concerns your loved ones.

I truly think the unschooling concept about allowing children to explore their own interest has a lot of merit. I already see it in action in my kids now. Alhamdulillah.

I also read another article about homeschoolers worrying about formal credentials. It was interesting to note that this is what most people worry about when considering unschooling in the complete sense. (The definition of unschooling plays an important role in this discussion). In the article, it was said that formal credentials such as degrees, diplomas, certificates and such are so prestigious today that none will dare to question their worth. However, in essence, when looking for a job, informal credentials are what will distinguish you from all the other people with the same formal credentials. Plus, it makes more sense to hone your strengths in developing your informal credentials than to put your nose to the grindstone to gather the formal credentials, while not knowing what your true interests are. This was true for me. I went into my major, just like everybody else, not having my heart in it, but only doing so because it was the normal thing to do.

Nevertheless, it doesn't hurt to attain those formal credentials if you already know your interests beforehand. I only attained 'formal credentials' in my areas of interests after I graduated from college. I won't say my time in college is a waste, because it was what has shaped me into who I am today, but you have to admit that there are some things in life that you could have approached in a better way in order to optimize and maximize the output, here and in the hereafter.