This Time

"You mean you were right all this time?" asked N, eyes wide and questioning.

"About what?" I asked her.

"About the baby," she said.

I chuckled.

I wasn't going to make the same mistake I did as last time. I didn't tell them about the new life inside of me, at least not explicitly.

"Oh so that's why you've been asking us 'Do you think we're gonna have a baby?" S interrogated me.

"I want to name it Zayd," said H.

Last time, I got their hopes up and all of a sudden, their hopes were dashed, as dashed as can be. This time, I didn't announce my pregnancy, but I merely hinted at it. If they picked up on it, they surely didn't show it.

I bled. I worried. I expected the worst. I called the good doc. She told me to come in. We all went. The good doc was out for a delivery. I was told to come back at 3:40pm. We went home. Two sisters were sitting in the car waiting for us. They had brought us some food. They were able to stay with the kids while I go to the good doc at 3:40pm.

"You got rid of the kids, huh?" the nurse commented, as she showed hubby and I inside the exam room.

It was an agonizing wait. I hate vaginal ultrasounds or anything vaginal.

"Where is this doctor?" I kept asking myself.

Breathing in and out repeatedly to calm myself down, we waited for her to come in.

"Ok, tell me about yuor bleeding," she began. I rambled on, complete with dates and vivid descriptions.

"She turned the ultrasound machine on. I waited with bated breath. I truly expected the worst.

A bean-like shape came into view. It was black. I looked on. The good doc was quiet. The moment passed by quickly.

"There's the baby. See its heartbeat?" she said.

I saw it alright. A white life form within the dark bean-shaped cavity. A beating heart.

"It's alive?" I asked, realizing only too late that my question was somewhat rather strange.

I felt the good doc's head turn to me slightly, but I kept my eyes on the screen. She uttered a confirmed "Uh uh."

"There's the yolk sac, not another baby," she continued.

At that point I was too overjoyed to know the baby's alive despite my bleeding that I wasn't even thinking about multiples.

She told me she was still worried about my bleeding, and that it was a threatened miscarriage.

"No vacuuming, no exercise, no lifting heavy things. Just pamper yourself for two weeks and then come and see me again."

Easy enough, insyaallah. The kids are reliable. Hubby is too.

The beating heart. Hope. My spirits soared. ALHAMDULILLAH.

"You should drink whole milk so the baby will be chubby like N," said one of the kids when we were talking about a possible baby.

I just dunked two cups of whole milk. Whatever Allah gives us, we accept. Be it another miscarriage or a righteous child, insyaallah. Either way, it's all good, bi iznillah. A Muslim's affair is always good. Subhanallah!