An Anomaly?

I didn't start out like this. My background is not that religious, though I have to say we have our share of realizing things that we were not supposed to do. My circle of friends are very mixed now. When people ask us to find wives (Malaysian) for them, I have trouble finding people who are open to marrying outside the Malay culture. I know the typical Malay mindset, and that's what I'm used to.

My children though is a different story. We the parents, are now a different story. I actually dread going back to Malaysia because I know we have changed so much, that it will be quite difficult for us to blend in. What we do will be seen as anomalies, some will even go as far as saying we are now in a different sect. As much as I am preparing myself, I am also preparing my children. Right now, seeing Muslims do stuff we learned are not Islamically okay, is a challenge for them to digest and understand. To them, Muslims should act 'Muslim'. We keep telling them that Muslims err, but I suppose children have idealistic views, just like I used to have in my naive years.

I mark certain words as 'bad words' for the kids. These are words that defame or demean other people that children now use rampantly among each other especially in school.

'Stupid', 'doofus', 'dumb' are big no nos in our household.

"Ummi, I heard a boy say the S word at the playground. 'S' 'T' 'U' 'P' 'I' 'D'," said H.

Sometimes my tongue slips when I say,

"I'm so stupid," and immediately I get a scolding from one of them.

"Ummi, you said a bad word!"

I realize that I now have to teach them that the word in itself is not 'bad' but it's how it is used that makes it bad, because there was a time when they heard it on the news and questioned me about it.

When they were smaller, I didn't let them hear music. I muted the TV. After a while I let them unmute it. It was such a wrong move. I noticed the changes in them.

Most people might not think this significant, and might even berate me for being such a spoil sport, or even accuse me of being a fanatic. The truth is, I truly do see the effect, because I was able to compare the before and after. We think kids are supposed to be kids.

Some parents think that kids shouldn't be burdened with all the Islamic prohibitions until they are older, so they can 'have fun'. I have to say this is detrimental to their values.

When I told a sister that I was homeschooling my children, she said,

"I don't blame you, what with all that's going on today. But I think high school is when they should be homeschooled because that is when they start, you know, all the teenage stuff."

I nodded, yet mulling over in my head if she was just too young to realize it, or if she has seen all the facts. Choosing the former conclusion, I said,

"Yeah, but it's when they're young that their values are shaped. When they go to school they learn the values from their teachers, everything from how to clean themselves in the toilet, to manners of eating."

She nodded and I could see that she saw it in a new light right there and then. My conclusion was correct, alhamdulillah.

I sent S to preschool. I wasn't completely happy, but I didn't know how to homeschool back then. It was on Valentine's Day that our lives were changed.

I went to her school to pick her up. Before that I had told her teacher that she was not to participate in birthdays, St Patrick's, Valentine and all the other celebrations they base their curiculum on. I felt bad for S but I didn't know what else to do.

When I picked her up, she had with her a box filled with Valentine gifts from her classmates. I sighed and hung my head. We headed for the library, me mulling over a solution, and S probably feeling confused and bad because she knew that Valentine was a no-no.

It was there that I met a sister, an American Muslim with five children, whom she homeschooled. The first time I saw her I was truly amazed. Her children were dressed in proper Islamic attire quite a huge contrast from the Muslims originating from 'Muslim' countries in the United States. At that moment, I felt truly ashamed as a born Muslim.

Here we are, foreigners from so called Muslim countries proudly clad in the western attire; jeans, shirt, caps whereas the reverts born as non Muslims are more attentive to Islamic manners, and strive to be as Islamic as possible. After that moment, I saw things in a different way. I changed my mindset. It was already partly changed before, but after that it underwent an evolution, a major one.

She taught me what there was to know about homeschooling, alhamdulillah. I pulled S out of school, told her teacher and received the shock of my life. The teacher told me,

"When I have kids, I'm going to homeschool too. I'm thinking of homeschooling other people's children too. You know with all the security issues we have, I don't think school is a safe place for children."

She went on to tell me about a case where a kindergartener was raped or molested by the janitor in some school. I nodded, while turning over that new information in my head. It seemed that people homeschool their children for many different reasons.

Recently, I withheld TV from my kids. They have gone without TV for about a month now. No real complaints so far alhamdulillah. A sister told me that my children will grow up resenting me. Nauzubillah. I felt sad and somewhat hurt when I read that, but I was way ahead of her. I had thought about that before I went ahead with my decision. I had thought about it for quite some time, for months. I finally made my decision after reading some other sisters' views and takes on it. I did what I thought was the right decision, insyaallah.

Recently, I had probably presented something in a manner that is short of being gentle. I received some backlashes. I took it as my fault, because I know I could have done it in a better way, but what the sister said to me was hurtful nonetheless. I cried that night.

I didn't dare read her email after I apologized to the whole group. Being human, I suppose I'm still sore over what she said, but I'm not ready to read her words, yet.

The thing is, when you do something out of the norm, sometimes people will see you as a fanatic. Motherhood and parenting is a very hot and controversial issue these days. I'm currently reading 'Mommy Wars' by Leslie Morgan Steiner. I read it today and all the while I was reading it I couldn't help thinking how perfect Islam is. The role of women is not defined by the society, but it is defined by the Creator Himself.

This preoccupation with Quran can also be seen as being unnecessary by some people. That is the sad thing, really, because we don't see the significance of embracing it, and by that I mean truly embracing it as a book of guidance. Shaytaan has succeeded where we have failed; determination in striving a goal. While we are indulging in entertainment and worldly life, Iblis and his army are doggedly working on us, fulfilling his promise when he was kicked out of Jannah. All this time we have this invisible enemy attacking us from every angle possible, yet we are unaware. The human mind generally does not believe in the unseen. That is why it's called faith.

Things such as TV, music, haram entertainment and other things that may seem 'normal' these days are Shayateen's tools to drag us to the hellfire, but we are not aware of that. Our lack of knowledge in the pure concept of tauheed throws us into this pit of ignorance in which we start to question rulings that say this and that are forbidden, going to great lengths to make them okay.

I have seen in my children what happens when we let our guard down. It's downright worrying and scary.

On the authority of Al-Numan bin Basheer, who said : I heared the messenger of Allah say :

"That which is lawful is plain and that which is unlawful is plain and between the two of them are doubtful matters about which not many people know. Thus he who avoids doubtful matters clears himself in regard to his religion and his honor, but he who falls into doubtful matters falls into that which is unlawful, like the shepherd who pastures around a sanctuary, all but grazing therein. Truly every king has a sanctuary, and truly Allah's sanctuary is His prohibitions. Truly in the body there is a morsel of flesh which, if it be whole, all the body is whole and which, if it be diseased, all of it is diseased. Truly it is the heart."

narrated by Bukhari and Muslim

If we don't protect our children's hearts since they are small, how can we then expect them to follow through with Islam's rulings when they reach puberty? If their hearts accumulate the black dots throughout their childhood with things that are 'okay' because they are still children, how can we then start teaching them what is actually the case, and expect them to change? Are we really letting them be kids, or are we losing them to the Shayaateen?

May Allah protect our children's innocence and purity. Ameen.