One of the books in my stack of library books is Help for the Harried Homeschooler. Although catered for Christians, apparent from the quoted verses of the Bible, I find the values to be similar.
I was particularly struck by one section talking about how to handle homeschooling in the midst of moving. The author appeases anticipated worries of homeschoolers over their children missing out on academical learning during the process of moving by highlighting the advantage of learning life skills.
I have to say, even though I have changed my mindset with regards to approaching learning, I am still a schooler at heart. It has been too ingrained in most of us, that it's kind of difficult to view non academic learning as learning. So I would be one of the homeschoolers addressed in that section.
It made me ponder, though. Life skills; labelling packed boxes, observing the process of changing addresses, organizing boxes, and everything else associated with moving, definitely are important skills too. This has truly been an enlightening journey for me, to discover and rediscover, and step outside the box, and see schooling and learning from a different perspective.
Mothers sometimes spare their daughters from any work in the kitchen or house because their daughters have to spend the time studying so they will get good grades, and achieve what the mothers never got to achieve when they were growing up. I won't get into this issue, but just wanted to put it out there, again.
Why do we often overlook life skills? Life skills are important, and I always found myself stressing over the kids not learning anything academic, thereby overlooking all the learning they are going through in our daily lives. Is academic the only thing that matters now? You still have to know how to manage a house, the car, yourself, your surroundings.
Homeschooling provides more than an education. It provides the tools to live life, inshaallah. When the children are not learning anything that seems academic, they are not 'not doing anything beneficial'. Their play are medium for learning, and it is this freedom to live life naturally that homeschooling provides. Domestic skills are very low nowadays, and from my observation, most women now are often at a loss at home, and this is when they exclaim at their stay-at-home mothers counterparts,
"I don't know how you can stay home! I'd go crazy!"
We have been trained and raised to value academics over life skills, such that most women nowadays are lacking the skills needed to fulfill their natural roles in the society. May we not make the same mistake, for our girls and our boys, inshaallah.
Monday, May 12, 2008
We'll Die Muslims
May 11, 2008, yesterday, Mother's Day. It was a rainy Sunday, and I was quite disappointed not being able to have our usual Tennis Sunday. Hubby went back to sleep, and I bustled in the kitchen.
As hubby was doing the dishes after lunch, the tornado siren went off. I turned to look at the kids, and S's expression was that of bewilderment.
"But it's not Wednesday..." she said, referring to the weekly drill usually on Wednesday noons.
"Turn on the TV! Turn on the TV!"
We turned it on. Thinking back, it's pretty funny how we seem to have gotten out of touch with the television. I found myself fumbling with the remote, not remembering which button was for what.
We saw an area of dark red surrounded by yellow and then green. It was to the north of us though.
The kids huddled around the TV, and H exclaimed,
"Let's take cover!"
"No, we have to pray Zuhr first," I said, seeing that the storm was moving northeast, and we were safely to the southeast of it, alhamdulillah, though of course, a funnel cloud can easily form elsewhere with no warning.
"Make du'a," I said, as they chattered rather excitedly about the prospect of a tornado coming our way.
"We should take our wallets...you know, in case everything else is destroyed," H offered a slice of wisdom. As he said that, he looked around the living room.
"Where should we go?"
"In the office, under the stairs, since we don't have a basement," I said.
"You can go and nap under the stairs," suggested hubby, as after Zuhr is their naptime. We have taken to having them take naps because they wake up for Fajr and stay up till Isha, which are respectively becoming earlier and later as we approach summer.
N readily took her pillow, with an assortment of her cuddly toy cats, and headed for the storage room under the stairs we call the 'office', or what used to be my office.
Alhamdulillah though, even though they kept the siren on for a good while, the storm had moved northeast and away from us, and we napped the afternoon away, biiznillah. I remember saying the du'a for rain earlier in the morning as I nursed baby Z for his morning nap. Subhanallah, the kids had forgotten the du'a for when there is thunderstorm. That should be something we should work on next inshaallah.
Later on in the day, H said to me,
"S had a good dream about tornado. Maybe that means we're gonna die Muslims!"
I couldn't help smiling yet rendered speechless by this analysis of H's. He seemed to at ease with the issue of death, and his pleasure to die as a Muslim was rather refreshing. I'm not sure if he truly understood, but, well, maybe he does, in his own way. Maybe he does, mashaallah.
At night, S said, as she lay in bed, while I tidied up the computer table,
"Today was Mother's Day. Maybe the tornado was because Allah was angry at them."
"For what?" I asked, rummaging in the semi darkness for scattered pens and markers strewn across the table.
"For celebrating Mother's Day," she continued.
Again, I was speechless.
"Erm...I don't know about that," I replied.
This morning, I read this on the news. Allahu Akbar, Alhamdulillah for protecting us from such destruction. I remember the days in Iowa when we would be visited by potential funnel clouds, especially in the summer. I have witnessed hail, which completely left my small flower garden in a beautiful yet destructed state, and alhamdulillah not more.
As hubby was doing the dishes after lunch, the tornado siren went off. I turned to look at the kids, and S's expression was that of bewilderment.
"But it's not Wednesday..." she said, referring to the weekly drill usually on Wednesday noons.
"Turn on the TV! Turn on the TV!"
We turned it on. Thinking back, it's pretty funny how we seem to have gotten out of touch with the television. I found myself fumbling with the remote, not remembering which button was for what.
We saw an area of dark red surrounded by yellow and then green. It was to the north of us though.
The kids huddled around the TV, and H exclaimed,
"Let's take cover!"
"No, we have to pray Zuhr first," I said, seeing that the storm was moving northeast, and we were safely to the southeast of it, alhamdulillah, though of course, a funnel cloud can easily form elsewhere with no warning.
"Make du'a," I said, as they chattered rather excitedly about the prospect of a tornado coming our way.
"We should take our wallets...you know, in case everything else is destroyed," H offered a slice of wisdom. As he said that, he looked around the living room.
"Where should we go?"
"In the office, under the stairs, since we don't have a basement," I said.
"You can go and nap under the stairs," suggested hubby, as after Zuhr is their naptime. We have taken to having them take naps because they wake up for Fajr and stay up till Isha, which are respectively becoming earlier and later as we approach summer.
N readily took her pillow, with an assortment of her cuddly toy cats, and headed for the storage room under the stairs we call the 'office', or what used to be my office.
Alhamdulillah though, even though they kept the siren on for a good while, the storm had moved northeast and away from us, and we napped the afternoon away, biiznillah. I remember saying the du'a for rain earlier in the morning as I nursed baby Z for his morning nap. Subhanallah, the kids had forgotten the du'a for when there is thunderstorm. That should be something we should work on next inshaallah.
Later on in the day, H said to me,
"S had a good dream about tornado. Maybe that means we're gonna die Muslims!"
I couldn't help smiling yet rendered speechless by this analysis of H's. He seemed to at ease with the issue of death, and his pleasure to die as a Muslim was rather refreshing. I'm not sure if he truly understood, but, well, maybe he does, in his own way. Maybe he does, mashaallah.
At night, S said, as she lay in bed, while I tidied up the computer table,
"Today was Mother's Day. Maybe the tornado was because Allah was angry at them."
"For what?" I asked, rummaging in the semi darkness for scattered pens and markers strewn across the table.
"For celebrating Mother's Day," she continued.
Again, I was speechless.
"Erm...I don't know about that," I replied.
This morning, I read this on the news. Allahu Akbar, Alhamdulillah for protecting us from such destruction. I remember the days in Iowa when we would be visited by potential funnel clouds, especially in the summer. I have witnessed hail, which completely left my small flower garden in a beautiful yet destructed state, and alhamdulillah not more.
Bookmark Frenzy!
Thanks to Farhana, we have our next 'community project': bookmark-making, to sell in the Book, Bake & BBQ Fair, with proceeds going to the Islam in Colombia project.
We had bought the card stock months ago, in utter enthusiasm of plunging into the art of bookmark-making! Finally, now that we're done with OHVA, and freer to pursue other learning and activities, we dabbled in the art of making bookmarks.
H's Masjid bookmark, with a message inside
S and N's rocket bookmark
My Lampshade and Balloon, a perfect leftover from making the Tennis Racquet
My lemonade and ice cream bookmarks
S's umbrella, tree, and my baby bottle
"Huh? What's that? That's a bookmark?"
"Yeah, what do you think it is?" I asked, wondering if it even looked like something identifiable.
Well, it only took my that purse to open the gates of other possible ideas, and as the kids came inside one by one, enticed by my bookmarks, I told them to brainstorm for more ideas. The ideas came out gushing, like an opened dam. My next bookmark was a lampshade, and because my hands haven;t been doodling for years, I had to employ N's hand. She drew a lampshade for me, and the difference between hers and mine was so significant, that S said,
"N's lamp is better than yours."
Indeed it is, mashaallah!
Our bookmark-making frenzy lasted for a few fun days, but by the time we were out of energy and patience, we had quite a lot. The ideas were still gushing, but my eye for detail, or rather my tolerance for detailed work was exhausted by the tennis racket. The kids on the other hand, getting a late start, lingered on making woven designs, which are actually rather pretty.
S and N's woven bookmarks
S's intricate woven design
When I came into their room, they were all huddled at the table, head down, fingers busy working with the dwindling card stock we had bought at Jo Ann.
Suffice it to say, it has been a fun endeavor for all of us. Those card stock were really worth buying. Today, I decided that we should start to prepare them for mailing. While the kids were designing and making their bookmarks, I heard comments such as,
"Will people buy this?"
"I don't think anyone will want to buy this!"
My Sports Bookmark Frenzy (that tennis racquet really required a lot of patience)
I had wanted to make a baju kurung bookmark, after making the blue abaya bookmark, but, like I said, my tolerance for detailed work is spent, and I'm ready to mail in the big envelope of bookmarks now.
Next Project inshaallah : Muslimah Doll Project
We had bought the card stock months ago, in utter enthusiasm of plunging into the art of bookmark-making! Finally, now that we're done with OHVA, and freer to pursue other learning and activities, we dabbled in the art of making bookmarks.
H's Masjid bookmark, with a message inside
S and N's rocket bookmark
My lemonade and ice cream bookmarks
S's umbrella, tree, and my baby bottle
My blue abaya and H's READ bookmark
I had a certain picture in my head regarding the kinds of bookmarks we were going to make, but I thought I would dabble with it first, before having the kids make it. So, one afternoon, after Asr, as they all dashed outside, taking Baby Z with them, I took the card stock we had bought, a pencil, an eraser, an arts and crafts knife, and a pair of scissors, and settled on the floor of the kids' room. I had googled my way on the internet, looking for ideas to make novel bookmarks, but found none that are to my liking or satisfaction, so I decided to just let the creativity take me away.
With a silver, black, or grey hijab, this would make a really elegant attire
I was feeling rather whimsical, so the first thing I made was the silver purse. It has been awhile since I had drawn anything, so I was pretty happy with my first bookmark. As I sat there trying to come up with more whimsical ideas for bookmarks, someone barged in through the front door. Of course that was someone bringing Baby Z. My 'freedom' was coming to a close."Huh? What's that? That's a bookmark?"
"Yeah, what do you think it is?" I asked, wondering if it even looked like something identifiable.
Well, it only took my that purse to open the gates of other possible ideas, and as the kids came inside one by one, enticed by my bookmarks, I told them to brainstorm for more ideas. The ideas came out gushing, like an opened dam. My next bookmark was a lampshade, and because my hands haven;t been doodling for years, I had to employ N's hand. She drew a lampshade for me, and the difference between hers and mine was so significant, that S said,
"N's lamp is better than yours."
Indeed it is, mashaallah!
Our bookmark-making frenzy lasted for a few fun days, but by the time we were out of energy and patience, we had quite a lot. The ideas were still gushing, but my eye for detail, or rather my tolerance for detailed work was exhausted by the tennis racket. The kids on the other hand, getting a late start, lingered on making woven designs, which are actually rather pretty.
S and N's woven bookmarks
S's intricate woven design
Suffice it to say, it has been a fun endeavor for all of us. Those card stock were really worth buying. Today, I decided that we should start to prepare them for mailing. While the kids were designing and making their bookmarks, I heard comments such as,
"Will people buy this?"
"I don't think anyone will want to buy this!"
"That doesn't look like a bookmark!" they exclaimed, pointing to my cup of mocha bookmark, which I had so much fun making.
Cuppa mocha bookmark
My Sports Bookmark Frenzy (that tennis racquet really required a lot of patience)
I had wanted to make a baju kurung bookmark, after making the blue abaya bookmark, but, like I said, my tolerance for detailed work is spent, and I'm ready to mail in the big envelope of bookmarks now.
Next Project inshaallah : Muslimah Doll Project
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Miscellaneous
Alhamdulillah life post OHVA is lighter and freer. Almost every morning now, if the sun is out and shining, I send the kids outside, and tell them to take Baby Z along. No, I don't get to really sit down and have coffee and read the morning newspaper, but I can now tidy up the house, take a shower and sit down at the computer in an empty household. However, I have started telling them to make sure the house is tidy before they dash outside to frolic in the morning sun. It's very frustrating to be doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen after breakfast and walk into a messy living room or rooms, and no one to hail to do my bidding. As I struggle to complete writing my article assignments, I also struggle finding time to sit down long enough without being interrupted by a baby needing to nurse, a baby dropped in the living room as his sibs return back outside to continue their outdoor play, and a set of rowdy children banging the door behind them as they barrel in the front door.
Not so much freedom for me, but alhamdulillah baby Z's eczema seems to have abated significantly ever since his nap schedule became regular.
Since I wasn't that busy logging in hours, attendance, checking lesson progress, and dealing with a myriad of issues pertaining to the OLS of OHVA, I've been able to actually nurse Baby Z in peace, albeit it being an hour straight at a time. We're all much much happier now, and I've even started to take interest in baking again.
I coaxed them to bake something for themselves, and one day they made meringue cookies. Yesterday they made cookies to make ice cream sandwiches with. As for me, I baked myself my Namaste Carrot Cake again, but this time using Ener-G egg replacer, hoping for a normal cake. Alas, I seem to have taken the cake out too soon, and all I got was a gummy, spice-laden carrot cale. At least, I think that's the problem. Nevertheless, I'm only more determined to experiment until I get it right. So I'm inshaallah going to play around with cake recipes or if I'm lucky, after doing more reading on the chemistry revolving different kinds of flours, I might come up with my own recipe.
H had his last soccer game of the season this morning. He scored a goal, and the weather was really pleasant too, allahu akbar. I had boiled some corn for them this morning and we brought the whole pot with us. As usual, hubby stood on the sidelines and churned out shouts after shouts of encouragement, commands, comments, and amused disappointment throughout the whole game. S was busy chomping on a corn, and calmly, she asked her father,
"Wanna a corn?"
"No, not now. I'm shouting," he replied, not taking his eyes off the players on the field.
"That's why he needs the corn," S said to me, and I burst into laughter.
We finally bought gates to put at the kids' doorway, the kitchen hallway, and the front door hallway today. The house hasn't been child-proofed for Baby Z, as I anticipated moving out, but it's not happening anytime soon it seems. Handy S and H set up the gates, much to their parents' pleasure, especially hubby's. He wasn't that enthusiastic about putting them up, but alhamdulillah we have some handykids around. Proud of their handiness they are too!
As for me, I am still buried under the task of reading my high stack of books, and have yet to finish my writing assignments, which has been driving me crazy to say the least. I just realized that I have only spent Ramadan in Malaysia in my 'childhood', since I came here at the age of 20 and have spent Ramadan here ever since. I have never experienced Ramadan as a wife and mother in my home country. How sad is that? Nevertheless, it sure has some perks too, alhamdulillah.
And alhamdulillah, my lengthy nursing times in the room have been spent listening to Anwar Awlaki's Umar Ibn A-Khattab, and suffice it to say, it has infused me in this ethereal world of the sahaba. Even Baby Z looks forward to the lecture whenever it's time to nurse for his naps and bedtimes. Life with Baby Z is much much more enjoyable now, especially because I'm finally able to relax into a schedule that is more like the one I'm used to when S, N, and H were younger.
Without the pressure and hassle of OHVA, life seems much more relaxing. Plus, the weather is still spring-like, though the flowers on the trees have mostly dispersed, leaving the trees green, making it look more like summer.
Inshaallah it seems like I'm taking the next Almaghrib class: Seerah, the Shepherd's Path in mid June, even though I said I probably won't. Circumstances inshaallah have changed such that it would be quite possible for us to do it with less hassle than before, bi iznillah. I look forward to this class.
So now, before I feel like I have wasted my time yet again on the computer, while two writing assignments are yet to be finished, I'd better sign off, and wait till much later before I finish up those 4 drafts sitting in my blogger account. Plus, I have a one year old who is starting to wail because he is probably bored because all his sibs have left him with his mother who is on the computer typing away, and hubby, as he does every Saturday evening, has gone off to play soccer. A mother never gets to completely rest, does she? In Jannah inshaallah, in jannah.
Not so much freedom for me, but alhamdulillah baby Z's eczema seems to have abated significantly ever since his nap schedule became regular.
Since I wasn't that busy logging in hours, attendance, checking lesson progress, and dealing with a myriad of issues pertaining to the OLS of OHVA, I've been able to actually nurse Baby Z in peace, albeit it being an hour straight at a time. We're all much much happier now, and I've even started to take interest in baking again.
I coaxed them to bake something for themselves, and one day they made meringue cookies. Yesterday they made cookies to make ice cream sandwiches with. As for me, I baked myself my Namaste Carrot Cake again, but this time using Ener-G egg replacer, hoping for a normal cake. Alas, I seem to have taken the cake out too soon, and all I got was a gummy, spice-laden carrot cale. At least, I think that's the problem. Nevertheless, I'm only more determined to experiment until I get it right. So I'm inshaallah going to play around with cake recipes or if I'm lucky, after doing more reading on the chemistry revolving different kinds of flours, I might come up with my own recipe.H had his last soccer game of the season this morning. He scored a goal, and the weather was really pleasant too, allahu akbar. I had boiled some corn for them this morning and we brought the whole pot with us. As usual, hubby stood on the sidelines and churned out shouts after shouts of encouragement, commands, comments, and amused disappointment throughout the whole game. S was busy chomping on a corn, and calmly, she asked her father,
"Wanna a corn?"
"No, not now. I'm shouting," he replied, not taking his eyes off the players on the field.
"That's why he needs the corn," S said to me, and I burst into laughter.
We finally bought gates to put at the kids' doorway, the kitchen hallway, and the front door hallway today. The house hasn't been child-proofed for Baby Z, as I anticipated moving out, but it's not happening anytime soon it seems. Handy S and H set up the gates, much to their parents' pleasure, especially hubby's. He wasn't that enthusiastic about putting them up, but alhamdulillah we have some handykids around. Proud of their handiness they are too!
As for me, I am still buried under the task of reading my high stack of books, and have yet to finish my writing assignments, which has been driving me crazy to say the least. I just realized that I have only spent Ramadan in Malaysia in my 'childhood', since I came here at the age of 20 and have spent Ramadan here ever since. I have never experienced Ramadan as a wife and mother in my home country. How sad is that? Nevertheless, it sure has some perks too, alhamdulillah.
And alhamdulillah, my lengthy nursing times in the room have been spent listening to Anwar Awlaki's Umar Ibn A-Khattab, and suffice it to say, it has infused me in this ethereal world of the sahaba. Even Baby Z looks forward to the lecture whenever it's time to nurse for his naps and bedtimes. Life with Baby Z is much much more enjoyable now, especially because I'm finally able to relax into a schedule that is more like the one I'm used to when S, N, and H were younger.
Without the pressure and hassle of OHVA, life seems much more relaxing. Plus, the weather is still spring-like, though the flowers on the trees have mostly dispersed, leaving the trees green, making it look more like summer.
Inshaallah it seems like I'm taking the next Almaghrib class: Seerah, the Shepherd's Path in mid June, even though I said I probably won't. Circumstances inshaallah have changed such that it would be quite possible for us to do it with less hassle than before, bi iznillah. I look forward to this class.
So now, before I feel like I have wasted my time yet again on the computer, while two writing assignments are yet to be finished, I'd better sign off, and wait till much later before I finish up those 4 drafts sitting in my blogger account. Plus, I have a one year old who is starting to wail because he is probably bored because all his sibs have left him with his mother who is on the computer typing away, and hubby, as he does every Saturday evening, has gone off to play soccer. A mother never gets to completely rest, does she? In Jannah inshaallah, in jannah.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
You Nailed It!
We resumed our Home Depot Free Kids Workshop this past Saturday. Somehow, amidst the pregnancy last year, as it approached the end, as I grew bigger and waddled more, as we prepared for the delivery and my mother's arrival, our monthly attendance to the free workshops offered by Home Depot and Lowe's subsided to a NIL and it remained NIL from then on.
Recently, as I held a 'meeting' with the kids to discuss how we're going to go about with homeschooling from now on, the matter came up.
"I want to do the Home Depot thing again," S said.
I had forgotten about it, and so, yesterday, we went. Yesterday and today, the girls painted their flower pencil holder on the back porch. H, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered to paint his, so he used the stickers provided at the workshop. When I came in their room today though, I did see his pencil holder painted green.
This coming Saturday, inshaallah, we'll head to Lowe's right after H's last soccer game of the season!
Recently, as I held a 'meeting' with the kids to discuss how we're going to go about with homeschooling from now on, the matter came up.
"I want to do the Home Depot thing again," S said.
I had forgotten about it, and so, yesterday, we went. Yesterday and today, the girls painted their flower pencil holder on the back porch. H, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered to paint his, so he used the stickers provided at the workshop. When I came in their room today though, I did see his pencil holder painted green.
This coming Saturday, inshaallah, we'll head to Lowe's right after H's last soccer game of the season!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
A Taste of Jannah - not even close...
H now has soccer practice every Wednesday at 6 p.m. Last Wednesday, the rest of us tagged along. We brought out 'tree hunting' kit comprising of ziploc bags for 'specimens', crayons to make bark rubbings with, ruler, sketch books, index cards, and not to forget, our Eyewitness Tree Field Guide from the library! We also brought along the camera and camcorder, without which, I wouldn't be able to put up these fabulous photos, alhamdulillah!
While hubby and H went to the field, S and N left for the playground, leaving me with Baby Z in the van. I nursed him till he was satisfied, and then we went to join the rest of the family. Baby Z got his subsequent swing experience, and had this solemn expression throughout.
We then decided to go to the duck pond and do some tree hunting, the girls and I, and we wheeled Baby Z along. We happened to have a board book for him and so absorbed was he in his book, that it took quite some time for me to have him look at me, and the surroundings! Too busy counting, I suppose. Wahid, Isnain, Thalaatha....
The girls climbed some trees, while I looked through the field guide.
East Siberian Crap Apple blossoms
Malus Purpurea blossoms
N did some bark rubbings and we collected some flowers to examine, and voila! We pinpointed two trees: the East Siberian Crab Apples tree and the Malus Purpurea! Amazing! Subhanallah!
Malus Purpurea
East Siberian Crap Apple blossoms
Malus Purpurea blossoms
N did some bark rubbings and we collected some flowers to examine, and voila! We pinpointed two trees: the East Siberian Crab Apples tree and the Malus Purpurea! Amazing! Subhanallah!
Malus PurpureaBy the end of it all , it started to drizzle and as hubby honked at us to come in the van, we scrambled in. It was a nice spring evening, alhamdulillah. May we be reunited in Jannah to enjoy splendors that no eyes have seen, no ears have heard, and no tongue has tasted. Ameen. No rushing to go home either...
The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child
I was browsing the shelf in the non fiction section of the library when I saw 'The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child' on the spine of a book. With my right index finger, I pulled the book out of its resting place by the top part of its spine. With a load of books stuffed in Baby Z's stroller basket, I wheeled him and the books back to the children's section where hubby and the kids were waiting .
I was having problems of demotivation in N, which has been driving me crazy, and that is such an understatement. I knew she was different than the other two. I knew she needed special attention. But I have failed to give her that special attention, time and time again, because of all the hustle and bustle a 'school-at-home' creates, unfortunately. I have been pressured to rush her to finish her lessons, and I think, in a way, it has demotivated her because no matter how fast she does her work, she'll always be slower than the other two.
It's interesting to read that in schools, 'speed' is usually associated with 'smart'.I know that only too well, especially in math. It's also interesting to note that Math is not an introvert's strong point. I know that only too well too. I had requested that H be moved up to 3rd grade Language Arts so I could teach him and N at the same level at the same time, but whenever we do comprehension and I ask the questions, H would always be the first one to answer, while N lingers, still thinking of the question. I had once stopped doing Language Arts with them both. They had to be separated because H's speed seemed to be burying N's insights.
Introverts need enough sleep and cannot function well without it. Sure, this is true for most people, but introverts have a harder time with it. I can say that from experience, and from contrasting hubby's and my sleep requirements.
Introverts become drained being around people, even if they enjoy that social occasion. I have always thought myself strange and weird, believing that maybe I needed to change myself. I did notice that I always am exhausted after entertaining people in my home, and if hubby were to suggest me calling someone on the phone right away after that, I would fend off the suggestion and say,
"I'm really tired. I don't feel like talking to anyone for hours again."
Extroverts on the other hand, derive energy from being around people. They need to be around people, and can't stand being alone too much. Introverts need their own space to recharge.
The author talks about how the brains of introverts and extroverts work differently, which contributes to the different temperaments. As I was reading this, I thought about the four temperaments or personalities mentioned in the Quran in Surah An-Nisaa [4:69]:
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69: Muhsin Khan: And whoso obeys Allah and the Messenger (Muhammad SAW), then they will be in the company of those on whom Allah has bestowed His Grace, of the Prophets, the Siddiqun (those followers of the Prophets who were first and foremost to believe in them, like Abu Bakr AsSiddiq ÑÖì ), the martyrs, and the righteous. And how excellent these companions are!
In History of the Khulafa, taught by Muhammad Alshareef, this ayah was mentioned, and he related it to the four types of personalities: the prophets, the siddiqun (truth seeker), shuhadaa'/martyrs (physical doer), and the saaliheen/righteous (helpers). The siddiqun are those who are seekers of knowledge, love learning, and usually are on self discovery. The shuhadaa' are usually great daa'eis who are great at giving speeches, and have great personas and aura, and maybe these are the extroverts. The saaliheen are people who like to go out and help and serve other people. So, in a Muslim ummah, we can use these different personalities to do dawah by using the strengths of each personality and applying them via teamwork. Mashaallah! In our community here, among the sisters I'm around, I see these three personalities at work, mashaallah.
Obviously, the world we live in now is an extrovert world, and introverts are so often undervalued and misunderstood. Since introverts are also more sensitive and are more prone to feeling guilt and shame, they will more likely conclude that something is wrong with them, and try to be more like an extrovert. Needless to say, to exhort a an introvert child to be more like an extrovert is a huge mistake, for it will affect her self esteem in general. From experience, I have to say that is true. Teachers in school also undervalue introverts, and it's only teachers who do reach out to those introverts who are able to recognize the hidden gifts of the introverted children. I have one such teacher in elementary school, with whom I always spent my P.E. mornings in the classroom, chatting. While the rest of the class were outside, doing P.E., I stayed inside, and she would talk to me. Suffice it to say, she is my favorite teacher.
Moving on to the Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child, and how to nurture and tend to these gifts:
The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child
1. Introverts Have Rich Inner Lives
Innies have a rich inner world that is filled with continuous thoughts. Their minds are always 'busy' thinking. As parents and adults dealing with introverts, we should help introvert children express these thoughts and feelings, so they realize the depth and richness of their interiority. Introverts tend to do their own thing instead of swaying with 'the other prairie grass'. I do notice that a lot in N. She will do her own thing regardless of what other kids are doing. But adults need to bring out these rich minds so these innie kids will learn to trust and value their own thoughts, rather than think that maybe they should be like the other 'normal' kids.
On the other hand, this busy inner world can make them feel alone, as they are very capable of reflections and looking into themselves and thinking 'big stuff'. Having one-on-one conversations with them where we tell them our thoughts and ask for their responses would make them feel less isolated. As an Innie myself, I can affirm that I do truly enjoy one-on-one conversations with people who do show a genuine interest, like my dear elementary school teacher I mentioned above. I have also noticed that N takes to people who do show an interest rather easily. She expresses her delight in them coming over, and can be very compassionate and thoughtful in ways you would never expect.
Hooking them up with pen-pals would also help them express their thoughts and feelings while giving them enough space and time to respond. Innies can take some time to respond, as their brains take a longer pathway to process information. So as adults, we should pause while waiting for them to respond to us, and not rush them. A constant reminder for me when dealing with N.
2. Innies Know How to Smell the Roses
Definitely. Hubby is an extrovert. Well at least I think he lies on the extrovert end of the spectrum. He is also the Type A kind of person, which has affected us all as a family in many ways. Our motto seems to be, "Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!". I have learned to live with this lifestyle over the years, but apparently, it has proved to be too much for N, who is always the last one to get ready, and would always be rushed everywhere we go. It's exasperating to us, but from her perspective, I suppose it's exasperating having to rush all the time too!
When I do spend time with N, just her and and Baby Z, the world does seem quieter and slower. Once hubby, S and H enter through the front door though, our quiet and slow-moving world is often crushed by the fast-paced world again. So I do truly savor those quiet and relaxing moments with N.
Innies notice details that most other people just pass by without thinking about. They tend to relish the little things in life that busy people overlook. So in a way, introverted children bring life to a family by bringing in the rich little pleasures that Allah has created for us to reflect upon and enjoy. So, as parents, we should slow down and learn to smell the roses with our innie children. Maybe, Allah gave us innies so we would stop and smell the roses! Subhanallah...
3. Innies Have a Love of Learning
So you can tell that having an innie child for a homeschooler is actually a pleasure and maybe a boon! I always find myself having inner conversations in my head, which sometimes, embarassingly escape auditorily. I was caught having a conversation with myself by my parents, in the bathroom, in front of a mirror, much to my horror and embarasment. I still have those conversations today, and sometimes, my kids might catch me mouthing words with facial expressions to match.
"Ummi's talking to herself again!" they would say.
I see that in N too. I would hear her talking to herself in a very soft voice. Since we're all so busy to mind her, it's kind of difficult to notice her doing this unless you're in the room just with her, or she happens to pass by you while she's doing this.
In the book, the author says that Innies generally have a love for writing and reading, and a high precentage of them goes to college, as their learning style fits those required in higher education. Ns forte is writing, and I did figure out, even before reading the book, that one way to effectively communicate with her is through writing. I find that true for me too. I find writing to be a better way of expressing how I feel to people than verbal conversation. Ever since the kids have an email account, I would sometimes send them email. Hubby would scoff,
"Why do you email them? Just tell them. You're already at home with them!"
He emails them from his office. I laugh at his remark, but I do it because I know that sometimes it's hard to say what you feel in spoken words. On the other hand, once you get an innie to talk about a topic he has an interest in, it's like turning on an 'information fountain', as termed by the author. I think my friends would concur with that with regards to me and my lengthy emails.
So as parents, we should encourage this trait in our innies by paying attention to what he is interested in and going to the library to find books on those topics. You could also talk with them about the books they are reading. They need an outlet for all this inner information milling about in their minds.
4. Introverts Think Outside the Box
The author says that innies are creative problem solvers. They in short, are able to think of creative ways to solve problems. I have done the sit, discuss problem and brainstorm solutions process with the kids. Thinking back, I suppose N does have a lot of good ideas. It always amazes you how a quiet person can contribute in mind-blowing ways, and that is very true with regards to N.
In order to appreciate this gift in an innie, parents can ask their opinions on a dilemma. Parents should also help them use this gift to solve their own problems, by maybe asking them to draw a picture, write poetry or story to express their thoughts and feelings that are troubling. You could also be very surprised at what you see in this inner world of you innie child!
Indeed I have received more than a glimpse of N's inner world through her poems and stories and continuous drawings. It is mind-blowing to say the least.
5. Introverts Excel in the Creative Arts
Being creative is strongly related to the ability to think outside the box and having a rich inner world. Introverts are found in artists, dancers, musicians, writers. As a child, I was discouraged from dabbling much in drawing or painting, though I found it very enjoyable and therapeutic. I felt that drawing and painting enables me to escape from this world that sometimes feel constricting into my own world. I think it might be the same for N too. Subhanallah...no wonder she spends so much time drawing, doodling, and writing poems and stories.
As parents, we should encourage these creative expressions in our innies by making accessible arts supplies, taking them to flea markets, etc, and allow them freedom to create without criticism. I used to enjoy my visits to my grandfather's house, who was an art teacher. Every time I visit, he would take out art supplies, and I would paint to my heart's content. He would show me how to mix the paint colors to get the right tone and shade, and how to do the strokes on paper. In school though, I seldom get A for artwork, because I always felt constricted by what we had to draw. I always felt that I wanted the freedom to draw whatever I wanted to draw, and not what someone wanted me to draw. The only A I received I think, was on a potato stamping print that I did. Now, my drawing days are 97% over, and writing has taken over.
6. Introverts Have a High Emotional IQ
A woman dropped her carton of eggs, resulting in a huge mess of yolks and slippery egg whites on the floor of a local grocery store. We happened to walk past the lady, when I suddenly noticed N;s facial expression. She had seen the woman drop her eggs, and as I watched N, her face took on an expression emanating empathy to the point that she looked like she was about to cry. I quickly told hubby, and hubby asked N,
"You're sad that the woman dropped her eggs, N?"
I believe N nodded.
Another time, she offered to give our neighbor one of her favorite toy in return for that neighbor sharing with us their food. I was surprised by her generosity.
Innies are emphatic by nature, and may be wise well before their years. The author says though that the brain's emotional center is thelast to fully develop, so the parents should help nurture this skill over a longer period of time. So basically, acknowledge these traits in our innies and encourage it, for emotional IQ is a kind of intelligence that is crucial to a person's well being, more than the kind of intelligence mostly talked about now today.
7. Introverts are Gifted at the Art of Conversation
Contrary to the myths of introverts being shy, not good at working in groups, introverts are gifted at the art of conversation. They might not be gregarious in a gruop setting, and may seem reserved, but from personal experience an observations, introverts do take some time to warm up to people. My mother told me about my younger sister, how she may seem reserved and aloof, but once she gets to know a person, she is very amiable.
All my children are like this. They are slow to warm up to new people, and it may take a whole visit for them to actually hook up with our new guests, and at the time that the guests have to leave, only do they begin to appear animated. I was like this too. In my adulthood, I have learned to overcome this trait by training myself to be bubbly, though it can be exhausting.
Introverts have a lot to say when they are allowed time to get comfortable and say it. When having a chat with N, I find myself blown away by her insights and thoughts, mashaallah. You would never know all of this is going on inside her quiet self. Though I should know better since I am an introvert myself. Introverts usually make very good friends because they remember what friends say, keep confidences and pick up cues.
The author says that innies excel in one-on-one relationships and often choose careers that rely on it. As parents, we should help our innies better their conversational skills by complimenting these abilities in them, their ability to listen, pick up cues, remember what people say, being genuinely interested in people, and having deep conversations. Having written that, I do realize that I have tried so hard to be 'like other people' that sometimes I don't remember what friends say and have trouble keeping up with personal relationships on a one-on-one basis. Subhanallah.
You learn something new everyday, don't you?
8. Introverts Enjoy their Own Company
"The good thing is, she knows how to entertain herself," was what the psychiatrist said to my dad, when my dad referred me to his friend for 'evaluation', because I was the 'trouble child' who doesn't speak much to my family members.
N spends a lot of time by herself, and it doesn't bother her one bit. Introverts enjoy solitude. I can attest to that wholeheartedly, which sometimes or okay I admit, most of the time envelop me with guilt, when people keep calling me to have a chat. Most of the time, I don't really feel like talking. I would rather be stuck at home doing my own thing.
In a way it is liberating not to depend on being around people to have fun, and this is what parents should cherish in their innie children. Tell your innies that enjoying one's own company is a gift and that there is nothing wrong with it. Parents should also teach their innies how to balance and assess their social time, that they might need to recharge themselves before joining any social activities.
What we have done is tell the kids to bring books when we're going anywhere where there will be social functions or where they might get bored. I'm not sure if that really caters to an innie's need for solitude, maybe not fully, but at least partially. Realistically, it's kind of difficult to cater to each child's different needs when you are living in a foreign country where you don't have family members to drop your lone child off at when the rest of the family needs to go somewhere that lone child doesn't want to go to.
9. Introverts Are Refreshingly Modest
Innies do not like to be the center of attention. They prefer to be in the background. In this extovert world, in a typical classroom, innies might not be among those who raise their hands excitedly unable to keep their answer in their mouths much longer. Innies might not be among those who are antsy to go to the front of the class and be in the school play. Innies might not be among those who are eager to do show and tell. However, they might be among those who enjoy working in a project and contribute to group projects in a way that doesn't force them to be in the limelight. In fact, receiving attention might even make them uncomfortable.
So as parents to innie children, let them know it's okay to not want to be in the limelight. On the other hand, innies do like to be acknowledged for their accomplishments, so make sure their little achievements are praised in private.
10.Introverts Develop Healthy Habits
Because Innies know how to stop and smell the roses, they are generally more prone to pay attention to their health. They avoid taking high risk 'adventures' that usually land extrovertsin trouble. They are also not the Type A kind of person, so naturally Innies have more longevity.
Studies have shown that some personality traits affect health, and innies are able to say no to themselves, better disciplined in taking care of themselves and manage illnesses better than extroverts. I see this in myself in contrast to hubby. Hubby would go all out in his sports activities, even if it meant he would fall and hurt himself, where I would always be the timid one, well let's put it in a nicer way (for me) : the more cautious one. I would also be more strict on putting myself to bed at a certain time because I know that if I don't have enough sleep I would not function well, whereas he would be flexible in his sleeping time and just 'manage' even with red bloodshot eyes. This has been a self struggle for me to be honest, as I need to sleep on time, yet that is the only time I have to spend with him. However, my lack of sleep has taken a toll on me recently, and I have managed to put myself to sleep on time these past few weeks regardless of hubby's turning in time. I had to sacrifice time with him in order to get my 'health' back because if I lose my 'health', I would be no good to anyone in this family.
As parents of Innies, you need to encourage these healthy behaviors in your innies. Sometimes innies will say they want to go to bed, and I've had this happen with N, but sometimes she does refuse to go to bed early despite looking like a zombie. One suggestion that the author offers is to talk to them about why their bodies need certain foods to encourage them to eat healthier.
11. Introverts Are good Citizens
Innies are said to generally have strong inner values (religious), and are more cautious, so they are probably less likely to break rules. Innies often think before they act, say no to themselves, and are guided by their inner compasses. So as parents, we should acknowledge these qualities in our innie children.
12.Introverts Are Good Friends
The author says that because innies are usually not everybody's friends, they tend to preserve the friends that they do have longer and better. Innies are said to be loyal, caring, and sensitive to others' feelings. They make take time to warm up but once they do, it's there to stay.
So generally, these innie children should be told of these hidden gifts, and not forced to turn into extroverts. Rather, they should be encouraged to utilize and manage their introvert gifts to thrive in this extrovert world. The author also suggests talking to children about different temperaments, so they would appreciate differences in people, and also maybe provide them with interpersonal skills. I personally think that this is a good way to train children to be tolerant of other people, especially those that are different from them. An applicable way of doing this is to discuss the temperaments of book characters for example. Winnie the Pooh, is he an innie or an outie? Piglet? Tigger? Definitely an outie. Eeyore? Definitely an innie.
Both extroverts and introverts have good and bad qualities and gifts, hidden or apparent, and both extroverts and introverts need to learn to use their introvert and extrovert sides. I find this book to be very refreshing, as I personally have struggled in the extrovert world, and once I became a parent, I also found myself struggling with my introvert kids.
After receiving comments from people about my children's reserved nature, I finally came to my own conclusion that being quiet is not bad in itself, and that we don't all have to be like that. Ahh..if only I was told that when I was a child. So I told my children that it is okay to not be like other kids, to the point that S responded to me, when I praised her for being 'cooperative' in her STEP class by participating in class discussions,
"I don't really care."
She didn't really care about being 'normal' in a classroom setting, but just did it because her teacher and I talked about it and decided that she has to 'cooperate'. I then sat her down and made a deal that she would raise her hand twice a month at least to fulfill this requirement, but that privately, I don't really mind that she doesn't. After dealing to the point of frustration with this issue, both her and myself, I made sure I told them that they don't have to be like other kids. That they're not weird. I realized that my children do have rich inner lives and that they do get along with people they are well acquainted with. I have also learned not to mind people's comments and unwanted advice so much, for I have also come to realize, even before reading this book, that we introverts do have a lot to offer the world, but in our own ways.
And from an Islamic perspective, all these different temperaments and personalities are celebrated, as apparent in the ayah, because each temperament has its own strengths, and it's those strengths that we should focus upon to derive the most benefit, for Allah created all the differences so we could get to know one another and benefit from one another. Subhanallah!
Self-initiated Activities
I had bought these books containing science experiments and activities for homeschoolers, but have never been really able to do much of them due to our filled schedule with OHVA lessons. With OHVA lessons coming to a close, alhamdulillah, those books are getting a breath of fresh air.
H has been conducting his own experiments, as evident from the frequent surprises I get when I open my freezer. Unfortunately I have had to chuck his experiments of frozen mud, snow balls, and what not to make more space for the chicken and meat.He was the first to be done with his OHVA lessons, so he was the first to be' 'let out' of 'school' so to speak. He came to me one day with an empty soda bottle, and asked what to mix together to make the bottle cap pop open.
"Baking soda and vinegar," I said."Oh...I have some books on science experiments you can read," I added, as I remembered those books sitting dormantly in the metal cabinets.
"Yeah!" H exclaimed in glee.
I never thought I would actually make use of those books. Throughout the years, I have eyed them, flipped through them, only to put them back in the cabinets, and proceed to finish up their school lesson plans. Finally, after all these years, I'm able to hand them to the kids, and give those pages some breathing room.
Before long, all three were up to something, and before I knew it, they had tried out several experiments from the books.
"Look Ummi, we made play clay!"
A hotdog, a long sandwich, a burger and a normal loafbread sandwich!
I had noticed my saucepan sitting on the kitchen table, covered with a quilted cloth. When I peeked inside, I only saw green water. I left it alone though. What they showed me was a green blob of clay they had made all by themselves by following the instructions from the book. Voila! Self-initiated activities! No work on my part! Is this great or is this great?
H made a Y boomerang, and N tried out a blind spot experiment, which she claimed was a 'lie' after all. The kids are really artists with clay, especially N and S. They had created a living jungle, complete with trees, food, a garden, all from clay. Even I don't have that dexterity or skill to mold such things from clay. Alhamdulillah their creativity has not been inhibited, like mine.
H and N are in a ceramics class, and recently, N gave me a 'Daisy Bowl' which she had made especially for me. H gave me a vase, in which he put some blossoms from one of those trees I am also oohh and aahing over.
H's vase for Ummi from the ceramics class
H's vase for Ummi from the ceramics class
Now, S has also finished her OHVA lessons, except for a few more of History, and she has one more test in the series of Ohio Achievement Tests, whereas N has two tests next week, and is at present finishing up her math, literature and composition inshaallah.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
The Biting Baby
We all had a good laugh at this. For now the 'funny' theme in our household is
"Ouch! Z bit me!" (with British accent, exaggerated quite a bit by hubby)
Baby Z, with two incisors top and bottom, is now also a hazard for my 'health'. Suffice it to say, there are some screaming moments when he decides to clamp his gums shut on his source of milk. The thing is though, he only does that unconsciously, when he has fallen asleep, so it's not like I can 'train' him not to do it. Ahh...the joys of breastfeeding. One more year, inshaallah, and I'm sure when it's over, I'll sorely miss it. I already miss my 'baby' Baby Z. How fast time flies.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Purchasing CDs
"I'm selling! Who's buying?" I shouted as I sat, sprawled on the carpet with a crate of IlmQuest CDs next to me, and a smattering of CDs I had taken out to display in front of me.
We had been keeping the CDs for a few days, and hubby was supposed to hand it to the brother who was in charge of the CDs.
"Me!"
"Me!"
"Me!"
The three kids responded, in equal fervor, and they flocked to me, and together we reenacted a typical scene in bazaars, me selling my wares and them looking them over with interest.
"I'll take this."
"I'll take this and this."
"Okay," I said.
"Can we really buy them?" H asked me.
I froze. I mean, I was just playacting. They don't really want to buy Islamic lecture CDs, do they? They were just playing along with me, weren't they? Can they really buy them?
"Err...hmm....yeah...hmm...you guys wanna buy them for real?" I asked back.
"Yeah!" they replied in unison.
I never expected that. They really want to buy the CDs? So do I let them use their money to buy those CDs they picked?
When hubby came home, I cornered him in the kitchen and asked if we should let them use their money to buy the CDs. He nodded.
Then it struck me: Duhhh!
I let them use their money to buy toys, why not Islamic CDs?
So, they bought their chosen CDs, and for those speakers whom they are not familiar with, we listened to a sample of their lectures, to see if they like their style of speaking. So when everything was set, these were what the kids bought:
S:
Stories From Hadith by Anwar Awlaki
N:
Angels and Jinns by Bilal Philips
H:
Are you a monkey? by Yassir Fazaqa
Weathering the Storm by Abdulbary Yahya
Description of the Prophet by Yasir Qadhi
S was looking for Muhammad Alshareef's CDs because she said she likes listening to his stories. We have been putting on his Tafseer Juz Amma Touched by an Angel in the van every time we go out, and the kids have been listening to them.
We never put on the radio in the van, and we had started listening to CDs in the van since the kids were young. Since they weren't able to understand much when they were younger, H would complain,
"I can't understand. They're so many 'shuhn'* words!"
*----tion - ending words*
That was back in 2005 when we drove to Madison, Wisconsin for the Malaysian Midwest Games and put on Abdulbary Yahya's Purification of the Heart CD set. Now, three years later, and three years wiser, I think H is better able to understand Islamic lectures through attending Jumu'ah khutbahs and various Islamic events with his father. All in all, alhamdulillah hubby and I had stripped ourselves of the habit of listening to music quite early, such that the kids were never exposed to it at a young age. The T.V. however, is a habit-removal-work still in progress, at least for one of us.
When I asked if they want to listen to the lectures at home, they all said no.
"In the van, because there's nothing to do in the van," reasoned H.
S had picked The Hereafter by Anwar Awlaki, but hubby bought it online instead, as AlBasheer had a good deal that includes three other sets we have been wanting to purchase. So now, while I nurse and put Baby Z down for his nap in my room, I listen to Anwar Awlaki's Ummar Ibn AlKhattab. That CD player hubby had bought for me, just for that purpose when I was pregnant with Baby J is really serving us well, alhamdulillah. For me, listening to these Islamic lectures are great iman boosters in my daily life, and they give me a lot of food for thought, and much needed reminders.
Inshaallah, may our lives be immersed in these daily reminders whether through audio lectures, daily Quran recitations and meanings, hadeeth readings, Islamic events, and halaqas. Ameen.
We had been keeping the CDs for a few days, and hubby was supposed to hand it to the brother who was in charge of the CDs.
"Me!"
"Me!"
"Me!"
The three kids responded, in equal fervor, and they flocked to me, and together we reenacted a typical scene in bazaars, me selling my wares and them looking them over with interest.
"I'll take this."
"I'll take this and this."
"Okay," I said.
"Can we really buy them?" H asked me.
I froze. I mean, I was just playacting. They don't really want to buy Islamic lecture CDs, do they? They were just playing along with me, weren't they? Can they really buy them?
"Err...hmm....yeah...hmm...you guys wanna buy them for real?" I asked back.
"Yeah!" they replied in unison.
I never expected that. They really want to buy the CDs? So do I let them use their money to buy those CDs they picked?
When hubby came home, I cornered him in the kitchen and asked if we should let them use their money to buy the CDs. He nodded.
Then it struck me: Duhhh!
I let them use their money to buy toys, why not Islamic CDs?
So, they bought their chosen CDs, and for those speakers whom they are not familiar with, we listened to a sample of their lectures, to see if they like their style of speaking. So when everything was set, these were what the kids bought:
S:
Stories From Hadith by Anwar Awlaki
N:
Angels and Jinns by Bilal Philips
H:
Are you a monkey? by Yassir Fazaqa
Weathering the Storm by Abdulbary Yahya
Description of the Prophet by Yasir Qadhi
S was looking for Muhammad Alshareef's CDs because she said she likes listening to his stories. We have been putting on his Tafseer Juz Amma Touched by an Angel in the van every time we go out, and the kids have been listening to them.
We never put on the radio in the van, and we had started listening to CDs in the van since the kids were young. Since they weren't able to understand much when they were younger, H would complain,
"I can't understand. They're so many 'shuhn'* words!"
*----tion - ending words*
That was back in 2005 when we drove to Madison, Wisconsin for the Malaysian Midwest Games and put on Abdulbary Yahya's Purification of the Heart CD set. Now, three years later, and three years wiser, I think H is better able to understand Islamic lectures through attending Jumu'ah khutbahs and various Islamic events with his father. All in all, alhamdulillah hubby and I had stripped ourselves of the habit of listening to music quite early, such that the kids were never exposed to it at a young age. The T.V. however, is a habit-removal-work still in progress, at least for one of us.
When I asked if they want to listen to the lectures at home, they all said no.
"In the van, because there's nothing to do in the van," reasoned H.
S had picked The Hereafter by Anwar Awlaki, but hubby bought it online instead, as AlBasheer had a good deal that includes three other sets we have been wanting to purchase. So now, while I nurse and put Baby Z down for his nap in my room, I listen to Anwar Awlaki's Ummar Ibn AlKhattab. That CD player hubby had bought for me, just for that purpose when I was pregnant with Baby J is really serving us well, alhamdulillah. For me, listening to these Islamic lectures are great iman boosters in my daily life, and they give me a lot of food for thought, and much needed reminders.
Inshaallah, may our lives be immersed in these daily reminders whether through audio lectures, daily Quran recitations and meanings, hadeeth readings, Islamic events, and halaqas. Ameen.
Tennis With Baby Z
We resumed our tennis Sundays April 20, 2008, last weekend, when Baby Z turned 1, alhamdulillah. I had fretted about how to resume playing tennis with Baby Z, but when we talked about it, S offered,
"I can take care of him."
Well, problem solved. So, last Sunday, we headed for the tennis courts at Whetstone Park. We usually go after Fajr, while it's still cool and slightly dark, but last week, I wasn't sure if Baby Z wanted to have his nap first or not, so headed out a little late, around 10 a.m. Since he didn't take his morning nap yet, while we were playing tennis, hubby and I on on court, and the kids on the other court, Baby Z sat quietly in his stroller, watching us, yawning every now and then.
"He's serious. I've never seen such a serious baby!"
Rh had mentioned that Baby Z is pretty serious-looking. Ever since he was young, I was the only one who can make him laugh, and whatever it is that tickles him will no longer seem funny enough to trigger that infectious baby laughter after a while. So you will have to find new things to make him laugh. He seems to enjoy being outside, taking in everything in silence and great contemplation, I suppose.
As for me, it was my first ever 'real' exercise for a year and several months. Yet, I believe I did pretty good for someone who hasn't played tennis for quite sometime. Of course, both hubby and I are not tennis players, we merely 'learned' how to play tennis by trial and error.
There was a time when hubby told me to 'play with the wall' before playing with him because he didn't want to be continuously picking up balls when we play tennis. So I did. When I could, that one summer, I drove myself to the part of campus that has the walls and practiced for about an hour or so, usually after Fajr, when no one was there.
And now, we are able to play without having to stop to pick up the balls that much. Good enough for me. I just wanted the exercise.
Suffice it to say though, I was sore for two days straight after that Sunday, but alhamdulillah, inshaallah this is the beginning of my workout regimen, which has been postponed for too long now.
That Sunday though, the kids received a 'surprise' which I had told them of the day before. The waited in heightened anticipation for their 'surprise' consisting of 'furry, cute, and small'.
"Yay! We're getting a pet!" they exclaimed.
"Don't get your hopes up too high," I warned them.
At about 12:30 p.m. that Sunday, they got their surprise; a visit to Sgl's house to play with her two kittens, named Hamzah and Aishah. Around 2 p.m. I picked them up and we headed to Sh' house to see Baby B; the other part of their surprise, but apparently, they were more enamored with the kittens than the baby. They begged to go to Sgl's house again.
I had noticed S's forehead and face having small raised bumps, but it was only later that I learned that those were reactions to the kittens. Oh ho! So apparently, S is somewhat allergic to the cats. Interesting...
This Sunday, tomorrow, we're probably going to play tennis again, but at the tennis courts near our neighborhood, and then maybe attend the Pursuit of Excellence on campus.
"I can take care of him."
Well, problem solved. So, last Sunday, we headed for the tennis courts at Whetstone Park. We usually go after Fajr, while it's still cool and slightly dark, but last week, I wasn't sure if Baby Z wanted to have his nap first or not, so headed out a little late, around 10 a.m. Since he didn't take his morning nap yet, while we were playing tennis, hubby and I on on court, and the kids on the other court, Baby Z sat quietly in his stroller, watching us, yawning every now and then.
"He's serious. I've never seen such a serious baby!"
Rh had mentioned that Baby Z is pretty serious-looking. Ever since he was young, I was the only one who can make him laugh, and whatever it is that tickles him will no longer seem funny enough to trigger that infectious baby laughter after a while. So you will have to find new things to make him laugh. He seems to enjoy being outside, taking in everything in silence and great contemplation, I suppose.
As for me, it was my first ever 'real' exercise for a year and several months. Yet, I believe I did pretty good for someone who hasn't played tennis for quite sometime. Of course, both hubby and I are not tennis players, we merely 'learned' how to play tennis by trial and error.There was a time when hubby told me to 'play with the wall' before playing with him because he didn't want to be continuously picking up balls when we play tennis. So I did. When I could, that one summer, I drove myself to the part of campus that has the walls and practiced for about an hour or so, usually after Fajr, when no one was there.
And now, we are able to play without having to stop to pick up the balls that much. Good enough for me. I just wanted the exercise.
Suffice it to say though, I was sore for two days straight after that Sunday, but alhamdulillah, inshaallah this is the beginning of my workout regimen, which has been postponed for too long now.
That Sunday though, the kids received a 'surprise' which I had told them of the day before. The waited in heightened anticipation for their 'surprise' consisting of 'furry, cute, and small'.
"Yay! We're getting a pet!" they exclaimed.
"Don't get your hopes up too high," I warned them.
At about 12:30 p.m. that Sunday, they got their surprise; a visit to Sgl's house to play with her two kittens, named Hamzah and Aishah. Around 2 p.m. I picked them up and we headed to Sh' house to see Baby B; the other part of their surprise, but apparently, they were more enamored with the kittens than the baby. They begged to go to Sgl's house again.
I had noticed S's forehead and face having small raised bumps, but it was only later that I learned that those were reactions to the kittens. Oh ho! So apparently, S is somewhat allergic to the cats. Interesting...
This Sunday, tomorrow, we're probably going to play tennis again, but at the tennis courts near our neighborhood, and then maybe attend the Pursuit of Excellence on campus.
Friday, April 25, 2008
The Fragile Yet Radiant Flower That is N
Muhsin Khan: Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas Allah! With Him is a great reward (Paradise). Surah at-Taghaaboon [64:15]
Nothing speeds up your growing up process than being a parent or guardian over someone. Becoming a parent for me, has made me wiser. I believe there is a reason why Allah made me a mother at the age of 19, considering my childish nature.
Whatever hardships or difficulties we face are like anaerobic exercises. They strengthen us from deep within. When you're doing that 10th or 12th repetition of the set, your arms begin to shake, your face crumples up in agony, and within you, you scream,
"I can't do this anymore!", and you bring your arms down, and breathe a huge sigh of relief. You assess your deltoids, inhale, and proceed to do the next set, completing two sets of 8-12 repetitions of upright rows.
After weeks of persisting in such a regimen, you feel stronger, and before long, your deltoid emerges beautifully, creating that slight bulge and curve that lends a well-toned look to those arms. Through the anaerobic exercises, you have put your body through some amount of suffering, yet muscles are built, resulting in a stronger you. The building comes from deep within.
Doesn't that sound very much like life's trials? You are faced with a difficulty, and you feel like screaming,
"I can't do this!"
but in essence, you know that you can, because
Muhsin Khan: Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope.....Surah Al Baqarah [2:286]
Subhanallah. Sadaqallah!
With my children and homeschooling, I have been through moments of despair, exasperation, frustration, joy, hope, determination, and pondering. I have really learned a lot about the human nature just from being a parent. Each child is an in individual, with his or her own personalities and temperaments. You can't treat them all the same. You can't treat them all differently either. As a parent, you have to use your own hikmah in doling out these individual servings of parental attention to each child.
I took N aside one morning after Fajr to my room, and coaxed her to read half a page of the Quran. I realized that she has reached a point of being demotivated, because, in the course of teaching all three of them a curriculum that is a 'one for all', her individuality has suffered from all the fast-paced school work. I was under pressure from the school and teachers, and in turn, I transferred that pressure to her, and the result is not good. It's very much like being in public school, really, which is one reason I am not really willing to share my 'homeschooling' 'experience' with anyone that much, because I don't really consider myself qualified to do so, as I was not exactly traditionally homeschooling.
That said, I do believe that all these years of 'schooling them at home' has been beneficial alhamdulillah, and I have really gleaned a lot about homeschooling. The benefits have trickled down to the kids too, alhamdulillah, as I believe I haven't really killed their passion for learning, at least maybe not that much, I hope.
The reason she has been hesitant in reading all this while is because she thinks she's slow and will never read it properly. As adults, most often, we assume things with children, not even asking their opinions and thoughts. We think that we know what's best for them, and we act accordingly. I know that mindset only too well unfortunately. Alhamdulillah though, by Allah's will, I have gotten used to asking their opinions, with the the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam in mind. The sunnah where he would ask the children's opinions on a matter. However, we never thought to ask N the reason why she was so hesitant to read the Quran, and just assumed that she was being lazy, astaghfirullah! Nothing could be further from the truth.
"Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "The one who is proficient in the recitation of the Qur'an will be with the honourable and obedient scribes (angels) and he who recites the Qur'an and finds it difficult to recite, doing his best to recite it in the best way possible, will have a double reward.''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
"N, you will get a double scoop, inshaallah, just for trying. See how much Allah loves you? Just for trying you get double scoops!"
I had a long talk with her, and was finally able to get her to read. That morning, we sat on my bed, and she read her half page, after which I read the translation of the ayah she just read. There is one thing I love about The Noble Quran; the footnotes of ahadeeth in it. The page where we were at, there was a hadeeth about the three men in a cave, the entrance blocked by a rock.
Volume 3, Book 36, Number 472: Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar: I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, “Three men from among those who were before you, set out together till they reached a cave at night and entered it. A big rock rolled down the mountain and closed the mouth of the cave. They said (to each other), Nothing could save you Tom this rock but to invoke Allah by giving referenda to the righteous deed which you have done (for Allah’s sake only).’ So, one of them said, ‘O Allah! I had old parents and I never provided my family (wife, children etc.) with milk before them. One day, by chance I was delayed, and I came late (at night) while they had slept. I milked the sheep for them and took the milk to them, but I found them sleeping. I disliked to provide my family with the milk before them. I waited for them and the bowl of milk was in my hand and I kept on waiting for them to get up till the day dawned. Then they got up and drank the milk. O Allah! If I did that for Your Sake only, please relieve us from our critical situation caused by this rock.’ So, the rock shifted a little but they could not get out.” The Prophet added, “The second man said, ‘O Allah! I had a cousin who was the dearest of all people to me and I wanted to have sexual relations with her but she refused. Later she had a hard time in a famine year and she came to me and I gave her one-hundredand- twenty Dinars on the condition that she would not resist my desire, and she agreed. When I was about to fulfill my desire, she said: It is illegal for you to outrage my chastity except by legitimate marriage. So, I thought it a sin to have sexual intercourse with her and left her though she was the dearest of all the people to me, and also I left the gold I had given her. O Allah! If I did that for Your Sake only, please relieve us from the present calamity.’ So, the rock shifted a little more but still they could not get out from there.” The Prophet added, “Then the third man said, ‘O Allah! I employed few laborers and I paid them their wages with the exception of one man who did not take his wages and went away. I invested his wages and I got much property thereby. (Then after some time) he came and said to me: O Allah’s slave! Pay me my wages. I said to him: All the camels, cows, sheep and slaves you see, are yours. He said: O Allah’s slave! Don’t mock at me. I said: I am not mocking at you. So, he took all the herd and drove them away and left nothing. O Allah! If I did that for Your Sake only, please relieve us from the present suffering.’ So, that rock shifted completely and they got out walking.
At the end of that hadeeth, I concluded that it's allowed to make du'a to Allah using our past good deeds, and, inadvertently, I made a du'a right there and then, for Allah to please make her able to read the Quran smoothly and easily.
"Can you make a du'aa out loud?" she asked me, after I was done.
The next day, she read with hubby after Fajr, and evidently, she did pretty good. As she walked past my very groggy self on the way to the door, she said,
"Ummi, your du'aa worked."
Did I say I was groggy? Well, groggy enough to say,
"Huh? What du'a?" I asked.
"The du'a yesterday. "
It was only then that I realized what she was referring to. I noticed then that her face was somewhat lit with light from within, a beautiful realization, and sense of accomplishment, and most importantly, an affirmation that Allah is All Powerful.
N is a very fragile flower whose petals can break off at the slightest nudge. Alhamdulillah for human resilience. I know her better now, inshaallah. Alhamdulillah. What may have wilted for sometime inshaallah is being nourished again, bi iznillah. Amidst the fast-paced nature of our family, N has been shut out and left behind most of the time. I always knew that, but have never been mentally or physically or emotionally able to slow down and tend to her, due to things I couldn't control. Now that we're almost done with OHVA, we are freer, happier, and inshaallah things will look up from here on.
Being tested with your children really gives you a plate full of food for thought. It makes you wiser, more mature, and more patient (though my progress here is pretty slow). Being a parent is nothing short of being a team leader in a workplace, except that it is more involved and meaningful.
May Allah endow on us parents the wisdom and acceptance of our own faults that we need to change in order to raise a new generation that will benefit the whole ummah. Ameen.
Monday, April 21, 2008
To Vaccinate or not to Vaccinate?
Baby Z turned 1 yesterday, alhamdulillah. He has one more immunization appointment to attend. I have been having a dilemma on whether to continue with Baby Z's vaccinations or not. I have read about its controversy back in 1997 or 1998 in Al Jumuah magazine, but I paid little attention to it, because it was too overwhelming. I was a new parent then, and well, let's just say that sometimes ignorance is bliss.
Years later, here I am, ready to take on all the controversies regarding the world of medicine, but this issue of vaccination still has me in tight grips. I am really torn. What increased my worries is Baby Z's multiple allergies. I would never have thought I would have a child with multiple allergies, as I've never even heard of it in my family or my husband's before. But, lo and behold, there comes Baby Z with his own sets of challenges for me. I really think it's the combination of his genetic make up and my eating habits. Genetically modified food is not the same as all natural food. We have come 'a long way' from the way our ancestors lived. (Both good and bad).
So autism worries me. I mean, if multiple allergies like this is possible, why not autism? You don't really know how the chemicals in the vaccines will react in your child's body. Some children might not react much to it and thus produce no ill effects. Others, depending on the genetic make up in their bodies, might react very badly. So do you vaccinate or do you not vaccinate?
As a parent, it's highly imperative that we arm ourselves with knowledge on both sides of the matter and making an informed decision. But, as Muslim parents, we have one constant factor in any decision-making equation.
I have been thinking about this for such a long time, that I recently asked hubby and he said,
"Just do istikharah."
Growing up, what I know about istikharah includes a sunnah prayer and a dream. I know that is not totally true though. So far the istikharah I've been doing are not really in reference to how it should actually be, though I never really waited for a dream after the istikharahs. I know there is a lecture I need to listen to. I never got around to listening to it until last weekend. Alhamdulillah.
My dilemma is solved, alhamdulillah. Tawakkalna 'alla Allahi ta'aala.
Those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah - Islamic Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. Surah Ar-ra'd [13:28]
Years later, here I am, ready to take on all the controversies regarding the world of medicine, but this issue of vaccination still has me in tight grips. I am really torn. What increased my worries is Baby Z's multiple allergies. I would never have thought I would have a child with multiple allergies, as I've never even heard of it in my family or my husband's before. But, lo and behold, there comes Baby Z with his own sets of challenges for me. I really think it's the combination of his genetic make up and my eating habits. Genetically modified food is not the same as all natural food. We have come 'a long way' from the way our ancestors lived. (Both good and bad).
So autism worries me. I mean, if multiple allergies like this is possible, why not autism? You don't really know how the chemicals in the vaccines will react in your child's body. Some children might not react much to it and thus produce no ill effects. Others, depending on the genetic make up in their bodies, might react very badly. So do you vaccinate or do you not vaccinate?
As a parent, it's highly imperative that we arm ourselves with knowledge on both sides of the matter and making an informed decision. But, as Muslim parents, we have one constant factor in any decision-making equation.
I have been thinking about this for such a long time, that I recently asked hubby and he said,
"Just do istikharah."
Growing up, what I know about istikharah includes a sunnah prayer and a dream. I know that is not totally true though. So far the istikharah I've been doing are not really in reference to how it should actually be, though I never really waited for a dream after the istikharahs. I know there is a lecture I need to listen to. I never got around to listening to it until last weekend. Alhamdulillah.
My dilemma is solved, alhamdulillah. Tawakkalna 'alla Allahi ta'aala.
Those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah - Islamic Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. Surah Ar-ra'd [13:28]
Friday, April 18, 2008
Ribbit! Ribbit!
We now have several tadpoles in custody.
I was cooking dinner last evening. We had made a deal: they help me peel carrots, potatoes, mince onions before they could play outside. So, while they were outside, I was still cooking. Alhamdulillah they also took Baby Z with them, so I didn't have to worry about a crawling baby on the loose. We still hadn't child proofed the apartment, expecting to move out anytime soon, which is turning out to take longer than expected.
"Ummi! We got tadpoles!" H exclaimed excitedly from the back porch.
Immediately my mind conjured up images of slimy green frogs with slimy white bellies leaping everywhere, into food, into the washer, dryer, and I replied,
"Please, no frogs anywhere near the house!"
First it was an opossum, and now frogs. I think we have to live near the zoo.
"But, when they grow up we'll take them away," H persuaded.
I was still busy at the kitchen sink, and all I could think of was leaping frogs, so I persisted and said no.
Later on, I saw that they had the tadpoles in a milk bottle, and they had covered the top with plastic.
"Where'd you get the tadpoles from?"
"From Nt."
"Where'd he get them from?"
"From the place where we found the beaver!"
I never knew there was a small stream in Buckeye Village before. Nt was one of the boys in the neighborhood, and just like any Americans, possess a love of animals.
"Okay, you can keep them, but make sure you take them as far away as possible from the house once they turn into frogs," I relented.
I didn't want to curb their curiosity and interest too much. Not at all, really, but there are some limits. So, what next? Oh boy, this will be a long summer!
I was cooking dinner last evening. We had made a deal: they help me peel carrots, potatoes, mince onions before they could play outside. So, while they were outside, I was still cooking. Alhamdulillah they also took Baby Z with them, so I didn't have to worry about a crawling baby on the loose. We still hadn't child proofed the apartment, expecting to move out anytime soon, which is turning out to take longer than expected.
"Ummi! We got tadpoles!" H exclaimed excitedly from the back porch.
Immediately my mind conjured up images of slimy green frogs with slimy white bellies leaping everywhere, into food, into the washer, dryer, and I replied,
"Please, no frogs anywhere near the house!"
First it was an opossum, and now frogs. I think we have to live near the zoo.
"But, when they grow up we'll take them away," H persuaded.
I was still busy at the kitchen sink, and all I could think of was leaping frogs, so I persisted and said no.
Later on, I saw that they had the tadpoles in a milk bottle, and they had covered the top with plastic.
"Where'd you get the tadpoles from?"
"From Nt."
"Where'd he get them from?"
"From the place where we found the beaver!"
I never knew there was a small stream in Buckeye Village before. Nt was one of the boys in the neighborhood, and just like any Americans, possess a love of animals.
"Okay, you can keep them, but make sure you take them as far away as possible from the house once they turn into frogs," I relented.
I didn't want to curb their curiosity and interest too much. Not at all, really, but there are some limits. So, what next? Oh boy, this will be a long summer!
Batu Seremban
I savor and relish this traditional childhood game I used to enjoy in elementary school, way back. I have a feeling that almost every culture has its own version of this game. Jacks is probably the American version of Batu Seremban.
There are many versions of this game in Malaysia too. The one that I'm used to is the one using 5 buah (direct translation : fruit, but in context, it refers to one beanie bag). I have made it for the kids couple of years ago, but since they couldn't master the skills needed for the game, it didn't stay long in our household. Recently, I made it again, this time, one set for each child. S made some of her own too. We used uncooked lentils for the filling.
It can also be played with pebbles, but I prefer the soft version. They look real cute too. When I played it, if the one you're not picking even slightly moved, you're out. With this soft type, it's even more difficult than the pebbles, since sometimes, they would lie on top of one another, and even if you pick the top one, the one under it would move too, even if it's just the fabric that moved.
The kids still haven't yet mastered the skills needed to play the game, but they're still working on it. In fact, even Baby Z tried a hand at playing it, much to our surprise. We had just finished our salat, and were sitting down doing zikr. As usual, Baby Z roamed about the room, weaving between us, smoothing out our prayer rugs, messing it up again, and climbing on hubby's stretched legs.
When he saw his sibs tossing the buah in the air and catching them, he took one buah in his chubby hand, grasped it tight, and started to shake that hand left to right, as if shaking a rattle. I suppose he was trying to toss it into the air like his sisters and brother. As he observed the buahs being tossed about, he suddenly opened that hand, releasing his grip on the buah, and tilted his hand so the buah fell to the floor.
All of us broke into laughter. It was really amusing to see Baby Z trying to imitate his sibs playing Batu Seremban. After a while though, the game no longer fascinated him, and he moved on to trying to close and open the bedroom door, eating the buah, much to our collective gasps, and trying to pull out my pendrive from the tower.
There are many versions of this game in Malaysia too. The one that I'm used to is the one using 5 buah (direct translation : fruit, but in context, it refers to one beanie bag). I have made it for the kids couple of years ago, but since they couldn't master the skills needed for the game, it didn't stay long in our household. Recently, I made it again, this time, one set for each child. S made some of her own too. We used uncooked lentils for the filling.
It can also be played with pebbles, but I prefer the soft version. They look real cute too. When I played it, if the one you're not picking even slightly moved, you're out. With this soft type, it's even more difficult than the pebbles, since sometimes, they would lie on top of one another, and even if you pick the top one, the one under it would move too, even if it's just the fabric that moved.
The kids still haven't yet mastered the skills needed to play the game, but they're still working on it. In fact, even Baby Z tried a hand at playing it, much to our surprise. We had just finished our salat, and were sitting down doing zikr. As usual, Baby Z roamed about the room, weaving between us, smoothing out our prayer rugs, messing it up again, and climbing on hubby's stretched legs.
When he saw his sibs tossing the buah in the air and catching them, he took one buah in his chubby hand, grasped it tight, and started to shake that hand left to right, as if shaking a rattle. I suppose he was trying to toss it into the air like his sisters and brother. As he observed the buahs being tossed about, he suddenly opened that hand, releasing his grip on the buah, and tilted his hand so the buah fell to the floor.
All of us broke into laughter. It was really amusing to see Baby Z trying to imitate his sibs playing Batu Seremban. After a while though, the game no longer fascinated him, and he moved on to trying to close and open the bedroom door, eating the buah, much to our collective gasps, and trying to pull out my pendrive from the tower.
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