If I die today...

We were having lunch, and as I ate my rice and spaghetti combo, I asked H,

"If I die today, what will be the best thing you would remember about me?"

Eyes afixed to the computer screen where his powerpoint slideshow was displayed, he hesitated, and then replied,

"Your cooking."

"My cooking?" I asked, feeling quite incredulous at the implication that my worth as a mother is equated to my cooking.

"Yes, I can't think of anything else," he insisted, eyes still on the computer screen.

What a bad mother I am, I thought, for my son to think only of my cooking when he thinks of me.

'Ok if I die today, what would you miss most about me?" I asked.

"You teaching us," H responded, almost immediately.

Before I knew it, I was asking all of them the same questions.

From N:

Best remembered: "The dresses that you made for us."
Miss the most: "You applogizing to us, and liking our clean room."

From S:

Best remembered: "Your face."
Miss the most: "Doing fun stuff with us."

And before long, I was doing it to all of them too:

To N:
Best remembered: "Her thoughtfulness."
Miss the most: "Her compassion, and stuff that she says makes you go, 'Oh yeah!'"

To S:
Best remembered: "Her thoughtfulness, her cards and notes to me, and her serving guests."
Miss the most: "Her helping me."

To H:
Best remembered: "His curiosity and enthusiasm."
Miss the most: "His chats with me."

For hubby:
Best remembered: "His helping me out around the house."
Miss the most: " His jokes, believe it or not, even though they're not funny."

When I told them what I would best remember about hubby, their faces took on perplexed looks, and H retorted,

"Huh? He does?"

"Do you know how many husband help their wives in the house?" I asked him back.

Without me explaining more, it seemed to dawn on him that it's not that common for husbands to lend helping hands to their wives around the house. It was a very good opportunity for me to emphasize this to him, as I would hope that he would be as helpful and kind to his women too.

For,

The Prophet said: "The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is someone who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best toward their wives."

Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 106

and that the Prophet Salllallaahu alayhi wasallam used to help Aisha around the house. For someone to claim that he has been at work all day and too tired to help out in the house, it is worth noting that the Prophet Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam did a lot outside the home, and even more, but when he came home he still helped out. Subhanallah!

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 65:

Narrated Al-Aswad:

I asked 'Aisha what did the Prophet use to do at home. She replied. "He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer."

In some other narrations, Aisha radhiallahu anhu said "...like other men do...", which implies that men at that time used to help their wives around the house. Allaahu Aalim. [source: lecture by Dr Ali Shehata at the TDC 2007]

It started out as a random question. I don't remember what prompted me to ask them, but it turned out to be a very insightful conversation, one that we should cherish as a family.