Prescription For Getting Along

"If they don't quarrel or fight, you need to get them a prescription," was the answer I received.

I had asked a sister if her children get along with each other now that they're older.

I grew up practically an only child. My half brothers were too young for me to fight with, though at times I think I actually stoked the fire because I needed the fight. So when it comes to my own children, I'm always at a loss of how to handle their bickerings with each other.

First of all, it just drives me crazy when they quarrel, especially when H repeatedly stomps all the way up the stairs and down. To make it worse, his tongue couldn't stop wagging. As he stomps, he lets out a string of complaints at which ever sister he is fuming at.

N seldom gets angry, but when she does, everybody should watch out! She stomps up the stairs too. As for S, she doesn't really do anything physical, well, not generally, but she mutters her dissatisfaction which at times, unfortunately do not escape my sharp ears. It's a wonder the stairs are still intact with all the rigorous stomping. You would think elephants live in our house the way the stairs get a beating every time someone gets all furious.

It was with great amusement and interest that I read an article in the February 2006 issue of Family Fun Magazine at the doctor's office while waiting for the nurse to call me for my ultrasound.

'Sibling Revelry!' is the title of the article and it lists 10 'family-tested' ways to help siblings get along. It was written by Leslie Garisto Pfaff and iluustrated by Lisa Perrett.
Below are my understanding of the article, paraphrased and reworded.

1. Have kids depend on each other.
This one insyaallah I already have in the works with my kids. Ever since they were young, they have been depending on each other. I think it probably fosters a lot of love between them as can be seen when they're asleep. S and N have never slept apart all this time and even now, they still sleep like they do when they were both toddlers, arms around each other to the point of sweating as if they were in 90F heat.

When H fell off his bike on the tar parking lot, I happened to be looking out the window from their room. To my ultimate surprise, I saw S jump off her bike to aid her little brother. She has always been sisterly towards N and H. When N was sick and throwing up, she would make her a card, sit beside her, stroke her forehead and even steady the bowl I had set up by N's side in case she started throwing up in her sleep.

Whenever H or N needed help, I always sent them off to S, so they already are relying on each other, Alhamdulillah.


2. Good names.
When they start calling each other names, we should step in and have them think of five good names or qualities for each other. I've read this somewhere else before and actually tried it with the kids, but just received more smart mouths. However, I'm not giving up yet. Maybe my angle was wrong. I need to try again.

So far, the names I've been hearing them call each other are 'original'. Alhamdulillah they don't cuss or curse. Makes me shiver with fright at the prospect of them learning all the cuss words at school.

3. Nice.
Posing the question, "What did you do that was nice today?" would make the kids think of the nice things they did. It would probably even make them consciously put an effort to do nice things in the future. I haven't tried this yet, but I think I will.

4. The calendar
This idea of listing down kind acts in their calendar is one that I have tried before but always fail to follow devoutly. With all the hustle and bustle, we didn't even have the time to look up the calendar to find out what nice things we should be doing today. Either I'm so disorganized or common sense rules. Sigh.

5. Baking together
Bakingis my forte, and throughout the years I have included the kids in my baking activities, though maybe not as much as I should. They now know that they shouldn't fight when baking because I would then immediately chuck them out of the kitchen. That's how much they want to bake. So I guess this works in getting them to learn to take turns.

6. Special Plate
Give a child a special plate to eat from every time s/he does something good for her/his sibling. I've never done this before, but since we all eat off of one big plate, I don't know how to incorporate this. Maybe I can do this for their snacks or special meals, though when I do a quick reality check, this just raises up a red flag for me. Just more things to do.

7. Writing
Have each child write something good about her/his sibling. I haven't tried this either but maybe it's time I do.

8. Pseudo Camping
Let them decide TOGETHER what they want to do together. For example they can decide what movie to watch together. They're already doing this, of course with some disagreements but in the end, they do end up doing something together.

9. The Jar
Putting a quarter in a jar when we catch them getting along. I've done this with marbles but I found out I couldn't really keep up with all their 'good behavior'.
We'll see.

10. Write it down
Instead of verbalising their disagreements and dissatisfaction with each other, it's encouraged that they write it down. This way it will make them think and in the process, cool them down. There's something very compelling in this one. S already uses it. However, I think I would have a problem with H, at least right now.

People always say to me, "Your children are so well behaved," or "Your kids are so obedient," which always manages to send me into silent shock every time. The first time I received those was from my neighbor whom the kids always talk to. She has offered the kids snacks like cookies many times, but the kids always manage to politely refure and insist that they need to have me check the ingredients. As for the well behaved part, I'm not so sure, but I guess at times you need outsider insight to make you appreciate what you have.