Balancing Act

Yesterday I had what I dub the 'AlMaghrib Marathon'. It started from 8 am all the way to 5 pm. I was practically studying from 8 am to 5 pm yesterday.

For those who know me, you should have known by now that I'm a faithful AlMaghrib student. I have taken so far five Almaghrib classes, 3 here in Columbus, 1 in Ann Arbor and 1 in Indianapolis.

When I graduated, I told myself "Now I can read whatever I want. No one has to force me to read textbooks I don't even want to read in the first place." I began to immerse myself in learning the deen. However, I was in bad need of structure. I don't work well without structure. So I just made do with the available halaqa, mailing lists and websites. Five years later, AlMaghrib came tumbling down my path, when Muhammad AlShareef and Yaser Birjas came to COlumbus to do a promo for AlMaghrib. I was entranced. I have never paid attention to an Islamic lecture as I did that summer of 2003 when they have us lectures as part of their promo. I decided right there and then that I was definitely going to take their classes.

Our first class was Yaser Birjas's Code Evolved. Subhanallah! I learned so much. I had gone into that class thinking all my answer now would be answered. I came out of the class with even more questions and Syeikh Yaser's statement "Every key has ridges. You have to find those ridges so your key can open the door." Today, I'm still searching for those ridges. It will be some time before I can open the door.

Ever since i took taht first class, I was hooked. I also put a lot on my plate. Now I have to balance homeschooling and being a student. Technically though, you'll be a student all your life. So far, I have done everything from sneaking in AlMaghrib in my busy schedule, dragging my husband and kids to my AlMaghrib classes, stealing time to attend the study sessions and taking the exams, and plunging into extended AlMaghrib projects. Suffice it to say, my plate is heaping full!

How do I balance this? Oh, and to top it off, I'm also working my behind trying to master the art of writing. I have put aside my baking, sewing, and even cooking for studying, homeschooling and writing. I used to bake, sew and cook, as expected of a typical housewife (at least a Malaysian one). I used to really hate it when Malaysians would just assume that I would do all those simply because I'm a 'housewife'. They would never understand someone who has a degree and chooses to stay home, homeschool the kids and study. I've grown wiser through the years, (hopefully), and now, I don't really care what people think. I don't get that defensive anymore. I've found what I really want to do, that I truly enjoy, ALHAMDULILLAH!

What troubles me though, is the balancing act. How do I make sure I'm not neglecting the kids by immersing myself in all these endeavors? it seems like I'm trying very hard to juggle more than three balls when I don't even know how to jugggle. From 8 to 10 am yesterday, I had the Light of Guidance Project Revision. Then 11 am to 2 pm, I had Fiqh Of Love study session. Then 3-5 pm, I had the Fiqh of Love Reloaded quiz. Somehow I managed to whip up meehoon goreng and fried macaroni between 2 and 3 pm. By evening, I was laying on the couch with a sore neck.

Today, it's back to work. I realize also throughout last weekend that I have a LOT to be thankful for. It has always been my worry that I'm not giving the kids what they need. I keep second guessing myself on this decision to homeschool. I weighed my priorities more than once. I complain to hubby, then I see what I had overlooked.

The girls are very punctual about their prayers alhamdulillah. They even remind me to be on time.

"Hurry up Ummi. It's Zuhr!" N called to me while I was in the shower, (taking longer than I usually did)

Recently, they had lessons about being grateful. I incorporate those 'Islamic Studies' in our daily lives because I find that i don't really have time to do them 'lesson plan' wise.

What keeps worrying me about homeschooling is other people's evaluations. Are the kids up to par with kids in Islamic School? Are they up to par with kids in public schools? Are they up to par with homeschooled kids? Then I realized that my goal and purpose for homeschooling them is not to compare them with anyone. So what if they're not up to par? Do we really have a standard by which to measure if a person will be successful in life or not? My mother recently sent a letter to a newspaper in Malaysia, talking about how the society's expectations of goo grades have actually downplayed the seeking of knowledge itself. When I read her letter, I couldn't help nodding in agreement.

I homeschool them so they can grow up to be Muslims Allah will be pleased with insyaallah. It wouldn't hurt to have them know a lot about the deen, but no matter what we do, it is only ALlah who can bestow on us that knowledge. It doesn;t just come like that despite really hard and dilligent work, at least not in the right context. Sure, they need to know the worldly stuff too, but it is more important that they are firm in their deen, because,

They know only the outside appearance of the life of the world (i.e. the matters of their livelihood, like irrigating or sowing or reaping, etc.), and they are heedless of the Hereafter. Ar-Rum (30/7)