Discipline and Dedication

Trial and error. My life story. Homeschooling requires extreme discipline and dedication. Do I have that discipline and dedication?

Well, I used to make myself go to bed at 11 pm every night during the exam years in boarding school. I made myself wake up at 5 am so I could beat the 'shower rush' and have extra time to study.

"If you don't sleep by 11, you're like a crazy woman the next day," said my dear roommate in college.

On the other hand, during the holidays, I used to sleep all the way to lunch time, as compensation for the 'discipline' I underwent at school. My parents labelled me 'lazy' and up to this day, I still partly believe I am, though my activities might prove otherwise.

When the kids were younger, my routines were more organized. After Fajr, I would rush downstairs to cook both lunch and dinner for the day, albeit with some silent grumblings. Hubby would then take the kids, give them their showers, and leave for school. The rest of the morning I would sit with the kids, either teaching them, breastfeeding one of them and changing all of their diapers. Now it sounds like I had nothing to do but at the time, only Allah knows how exhausting it was.

Lunch time, I would feed them and myself. Then it was cleaning time because I let them eat by themselves, thus resulting in a BIG mess on the dining table and the space under it, not to mention the grubby hands, messy little mouths, stained bibs, icky high chair and sticky chubby thighs. Nevertheless, I stuck with the decision and let them feed themselves. I'm glad I did too, because that truly improved their fine motor skills and saved me a lot of trouble later on. I remember seeing my brothers spoonfed up to the age of 10, and I also remember being told I had to be pushed in a stroller and spoonfed so I would eat. I told myself, "I WILL NEVER do that to my kids."

Then came naptime, my reprieve, or maybe not. I would put S and N to sleep, read them their surahs, while H clung to me, either breastfeeding or babbling away. Thinking back, I really miss those times.

There was a time when I actually left a tape recorder in the room and left it running. As I listened back to it, tears welled in my eyes. How fast time flies! I would love to revisit those times, with the exception of stinky diapers.

While they napped, I dashed downstairs and did a half to one hour workout. Some days were good days, where they napped soundly. Others were really days where I thought I would die from an over beating heart. While I jumped and marched, wails and cries resounded throughout the apartment, requiring me to sprint upstairs in my clean sneakers (which never touched the grounds outside the apartment), and calm them down. I stubbornly stuck to my exercise routine because I told myself, after looking in the mirror post delivery, that I would do something about my lump of a body. And I did.

An hour or two would pass by, and I would take my shower. Before I could sit and rest, one of them or all of them would cry. Snack time. Again, the mess on and under the table. Again, the cleaning. By 4 pm every day I was dead on the couch, waiting for hubby to come home and eat dinner. That was how I greeted him almost every day, in nice representable clothes, perfumed, but dead to the world.

Bedtime was right after dinner, around 7 pm. After that, it was time to copy down recipes from cookbooks I greedily checked out from the library. I did weekly menus, and when my baking craze came, which was very often, I would arrange my cooking schedule such that I won't have to cook everyday. I would dedicate the time trying out new recipes, decorating cakes, while the kids played, napped, and even while I exercised. Don't ask me how I did it, but all I can say is, if you have the will you WILL have the power insyaallah. However, old age and grown kids have shaved that will away from me now.

So do I have that discipline and dedication to homeschool? I believe I do, but like iman, they fluctuate every now and then.