Siblings Dynamics

I woke up yesterday feeling nervous about attending this event. Let's face it, I'm an introvert, and if it were totally up to my whims, I would be cooped up at home or not talking to anyone outside the house at all. But as it is, I do force myself to socialize for the sake of sisterhood, and for normalcy.

Left the baby at home with hubby, and drove to the library with the rest of the kids. It was the first time I drove at night with the new van too. Alhamdulillah the lights turn on automtically, I still remember fumbling for the light switch with the old van. It had been a while since I had driven at night, and I spent a good 15 minutes panicking that I would drive home with no headlights on. I think I did? I don't remember, but oh boy, do I hate going out by myself, especially at night! Last night, I was reassured that I was not alone since the kids were with me. It's funny how I already depend on them, when it should be me they would be depending on.

"Kids! I can't open the door! I can' find it. How do I open it?" I wailed in the dark, after killing the engine. (Ok, I'm really revealing my foolishness here, so please don't laugh)

I fumbled. Panic set in. (Did I tell you that I panic easily?) I fumbled again, all the while thinking,

I'm so dumb. How can I not know how to open the door?! It's so simple! Where's my brain?! Knock knock! Oh god! How am I gonna get out of the van?!

I seriously forgot how to open the door, and I kept pawing at the door handle and thinking,

How could it not be there? How could the thingy (whatever it's called) not be there?!

The kids didn't laugh at me, bless them! As they themselves got themselves out of the van, H scrambled to come and help me. They didn't laugh at their fumbling mother! Oh Jazahum Allah Khair.

I laughed at myself though, after he panic eased off.

"Oh, I found it!" I announced, laughing. (I don't know why I'm publishing this on blog, but I'm just elated I survived last night)

"Lock it, Ummi!" H reminded me.

Like a kid, I obeyed him.

"You know how to lock it, right? Press once," he said.

Mashaallah, the boy is really growing up. He'll be my bodyguard sooner than expected, I think.

I nodded.

On the bright side, all that panicking distracted me from my nervousness of sitting in a room full of other people. (I had done this before, come on! I even read out my heart's content to a group of people I don't know in a writing group, but, still, it just still feels...strange)

The session lasted for about one and a half hours. It was pretty helpful. I talked about the kids, how two of them quarrels, and the other one just wants to be left alone. She offered me suggesteions, but mostly it's about getting the kids to learn how to resolve conflict. Nothing I hadn't read about before, but still, it was refreshing to hear it firsthand, and most importantly, to be able to ask firsthand.

When we were done, I got to talking with a fellow attendee. The group moderator went out of the room, came back in and said to me.

"Are those three well behaved children yours?"

"Yeah, well now they're well behaved," I replied.

"It was so easy to tell. The older one and the younger one are playing with the trains and the middle one is on the computer by herself. So easy to tell which was which. You should go see. It's really funny," she said, nodding emphatically.

Wow, I had really painted the exact picture of my three kids when I described them to her in the session.

She did say in the session,

"The gift that they have, having this conflict is that they get to learn how to resolve it. If only more people are taught conflict resolution since they were young, we probably wouldn't have all these wars today. One less gun in the world is improvement to me."

She had pointed out that one reason why my kids are fighting is because they're together all the time since they're homeschooled. She also said that kids will always fight anyway. Knowing myself, I know I tend to go overboard when I describe the negative. The perfectionist in me filters out the positive and I may paint a slightly worse picture than the reality, and I guess I do realize that, which makes it consoling to know that my kids are not all that bad. It's probably because I'm with them all the time. People are always saying how well behaved they are, and I keep thinking,

Really?

but then I think back, and I say to myself,

Give them some credit. They are good kids. Alhamdulillah.

Recently, we went to Dr Mamdouh's talk on the Quran. A sister came up to me and said,

"You always bring your children to these events!"

"Well, who would I leave them with?" I responded with a chuckle.

"And mashaallah, their good mannerism is really something," she continued.

Alhamdulillah. I guess I do need to give my kids some credit. Don't get me wrong, I do commend them in their face, but of course when problems occur, I go into the 'oh how am I going to correct these kids' mode. But as Mrs. M reminded us last night,

"Nothing lasts forever. This will pass."

She's right. Nothing lasts forever. So I guess I should treasure the good moments and save the bad moments for laughing at in years to come inshaallah. Meanwhile, they will just need to accept the fact that they have a mother who may need their help trying to figure out how to open the van door once in a while.