"I want one hundred babies who will never grow up!"
That's N's expression of how much she adores Baby Z.
"Ummi, if you have another baby boy what will you name him?" she asked.
"I don't know, I forgot the names we thought of before Z came out," I said.
"What if it's a girl?" asked S.
"What about another boy?" asked N.
"What about twins?" N continued.
"What if you end up with thirty kids, Ummi?" one of them asked.
By this time I wasn't paying attention to who was asking the question. When you have three kids throwing one question after another at you, you don't even know who's asking what anymore, but you do remember those questions.
Another baby? Let me have a nap first, will ya?
Friday, July 27, 2007
Teacher's Pet
"Well, good, he's the teacher's pet!"
Both hubby and I said in unison, "Uh oh."
________
H told us yesterday that the Sheikh announced to the class that he loves H for the sake of Allah because he's good.
"You can bring them on Sunday because they're good and quiet," said the sheikh to hubby, when we decided only to send them to the program Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and drop the Sunday class. So we did. We kept sending them to the Sunday class.
From what the kids have been telling us, it seems that the other kids kept talking to each other during class, thus not paying attention.
I was chatting with a friend whose nephew also attends the program at the masjid with my kids.
When they asked him what he learned, he allegedly said,
"Only F's kids learn anything," F, being my husband's name. The focus of the story was her nephew calling my husband by his first name, but the statement he made took me by surprise.
Hearing it from my kids is one thing, but hearing other people's testimony that attests to the same facts really affirms those facts.
The kids come home spouting off Arabic words they learned from the classes, and despite having to repeatedly write alif ba ta, which they are way past knowing, they do seem to learn something else that I wasn't able to teach them : the Arabic language.
One time, S and H came home and told us,
"The Sheikh said that H is good and the best student, and S too."
I wondered how N felt to be left out, but I didn't ask her. I think I know why she wasn't mentioned.
Then yesterday, they told us that the Sheikh exclaimed,
"I love him," referring to H, and the kids laugh, and the sheikh said again,
"I love him for the sake of Allah, because he's a good student."
Then came that statement that elicited "Uh oh," from both hubby and me; "Well, good, he's a teacher's pet."
"That's the public school environment," said hubby.
We seem to be discovering more and more negative aspects or effects of public school on kids. It's mostly the culture of the public school that concerns us; kids not respecting their teachers, kids experiencing unnecessary pressure from the other kids, the akhlaq of the kids themselves, the hidden nuances of girl-boy relationships, yes, even in preschool, bullying, and that's probably not even exhaustive of the list.
It's a shame that such a technique such as pointing out good behavior doesn't elicit more good behavior from onlookers, as it should. I'm sure the sheikh said that just so that the other kids would be encouraged to pay more attention, or maybe he's not doing it in the correct way, allahu aalim, but I worry for H.
When you guys go out of the house always read your three Quls, okay?" I reminded them.
________________
Volume 7, Book 71, Number 636:
Both hubby and I said in unison, "Uh oh."
________
H told us yesterday that the Sheikh announced to the class that he loves H for the sake of Allah because he's good.
"You can bring them on Sunday because they're good and quiet," said the sheikh to hubby, when we decided only to send them to the program Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and drop the Sunday class. So we did. We kept sending them to the Sunday class.
From what the kids have been telling us, it seems that the other kids kept talking to each other during class, thus not paying attention.
I was chatting with a friend whose nephew also attends the program at the masjid with my kids.
When they asked him what he learned, he allegedly said,
"Only F's kids learn anything," F, being my husband's name. The focus of the story was her nephew calling my husband by his first name, but the statement he made took me by surprise.
Hearing it from my kids is one thing, but hearing other people's testimony that attests to the same facts really affirms those facts.
The kids come home spouting off Arabic words they learned from the classes, and despite having to repeatedly write alif ba ta, which they are way past knowing, they do seem to learn something else that I wasn't able to teach them : the Arabic language.
One time, S and H came home and told us,
"The Sheikh said that H is good and the best student, and S too."
I wondered how N felt to be left out, but I didn't ask her. I think I know why she wasn't mentioned.
Then yesterday, they told us that the Sheikh exclaimed,
"I love him," referring to H, and the kids laugh, and the sheikh said again,
"I love him for the sake of Allah, because he's a good student."
Then came that statement that elicited "Uh oh," from both hubby and me; "Well, good, he's a teacher's pet."
"That's the public school environment," said hubby.
We seem to be discovering more and more negative aspects or effects of public school on kids. It's mostly the culture of the public school that concerns us; kids not respecting their teachers, kids experiencing unnecessary pressure from the other kids, the akhlaq of the kids themselves, the hidden nuances of girl-boy relationships, yes, even in preschool, bullying, and that's probably not even exhaustive of the list.
It's a shame that such a technique such as pointing out good behavior doesn't elicit more good behavior from onlookers, as it should. I'm sure the sheikh said that just so that the other kids would be encouraged to pay more attention, or maybe he's not doing it in the correct way, allahu aalim, but I worry for H.
When you guys go out of the house always read your three Quls, okay?" I reminded them.
________________
Volume 7, Book 71, Number 636:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "The effect of an evil eye is a fact." And he prohibited tattooing
67: Muhsin Khan: And he said: "O my sons! Do not enter by one gate, but enter by different gates, and I cannot avail you against Allah at all. Verily! The decision rests only with Allah. In him, I put my trust and let all those that trust, put their trust in Him."Saturday, July 21, 2007
Not My Child
I always hear stories of children getting so attached to their new toy or things that they bring them to bed at night. Frankly, I thought those were just exaggerations, but nothing could be further than the truth, as I finally saw it with my own eyes.
"This one, this one!" he exclaimed as he lifted the wooden chair above his head.
We had driven downtown for baby Z's immunizations, but the clinic was closed, so we stopped over at an office furniture warehouse sidewalk sale. The kids needed chairs for their school table. It was a warehouse indeed for there were so many chairs to choose from (mostly used chairs).
H fell in love with a simple wooden one, and he claimed it for himself even before I made up my mind. We ended up buying it, as the price was reasonable.
Once we got home, they washed it and let it dry outside. Then came naptime, which they were not so happy about, but I forced them to. These long summer days are not easy, especially when they have to stay up till Isha time to pray. This is the first year that they're all praying Isha' so this is the first time I've had this problem of them sleeping late in summer. Usually they're asleep by 9/10 pm.
I walked into the room to make sure they were on their beds, and what did I see? A lone wooden chair on the top bunk, and H's head under a blanket right underneath it. I didn't know whether to reprimand or laugh. I ended up leaving the room, shaking my head.
He had done it before too, with his new sandals. We had bought him a big one to save for summer when he could fit in it. While waiting for his feet to grow into it, he wore it to bed.
Now, when people tell stories of children bringing things with them to bed, I will believe them.
"This one, this one!" he exclaimed as he lifted the wooden chair above his head.
We had driven downtown for baby Z's immunizations, but the clinic was closed, so we stopped over at an office furniture warehouse sidewalk sale. The kids needed chairs for their school table. It was a warehouse indeed for there were so many chairs to choose from (mostly used chairs).
H fell in love with a simple wooden one, and he claimed it for himself even before I made up my mind. We ended up buying it, as the price was reasonable.
Once we got home, they washed it and let it dry outside. Then came naptime, which they were not so happy about, but I forced them to. These long summer days are not easy, especially when they have to stay up till Isha time to pray. This is the first year that they're all praying Isha' so this is the first time I've had this problem of them sleeping late in summer. Usually they're asleep by 9/10 pm.
I walked into the room to make sure they were on their beds, and what did I see? A lone wooden chair on the top bunk, and H's head under a blanket right underneath it. I didn't know whether to reprimand or laugh. I ended up leaving the room, shaking my head.
He had done it before too, with his new sandals. We had bought him a big one to save for summer when he could fit in it. While waiting for his feet to grow into it, he wore it to bed.
Now, when people tell stories of children bringing things with them to bed, I will believe them.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Wake up!
"I used to see kids at the masjid in Malaysia, way before Fajr, working on their memorization," said hubby to the kids.
I don't remember when exactly but maybe a few days after that, H told me that he wanted to wake up at 4:30 am.
"What for?"
"To do my suwah!"
He actually laid out the prayer rug on the floor and slept on the floor.
The next morning, when he woke up, hubby told him to make wudhu and put his thawb on. H sat there and hubby told him to go back to bed. I don't know who was groggy, H or huby, but H ended up waking up just to make wudhu' and going back to sleep.
"He wanted to wake up to do his surah," I told hubby later that day.
Apparently hubby didn't realize that and told H to go back to sleep.
A few days later, H did it again; he slept on the floor and even put an alarm clock next to his head. I don't know if it went off, but hubby ended up picking him up and placing him back on the bed.
"Why?" I asked hubby.
"I just told him to pray fajr and go back to sleep," he said.
"But he wanted to do his surah," I said.
"His body might not be able to take it. Let it be gradual," he replied.
Last night, H did it again, but he slept on his bed, though he told me he wanted to wake up for Fajr.
We woke him up, and he joined us for salat, and went back to sleep.
Maybe in the winter, when the days are shorter and they can sleep earlier after Isha' he can do it, inshaallah. I just hope he will still have the desire to do so...
I don't remember when exactly but maybe a few days after that, H told me that he wanted to wake up at 4:30 am.
"What for?"
"To do my suwah!"
He actually laid out the prayer rug on the floor and slept on the floor.
The next morning, when he woke up, hubby told him to make wudhu and put his thawb on. H sat there and hubby told him to go back to bed. I don't know who was groggy, H or huby, but H ended up waking up just to make wudhu' and going back to sleep.
"He wanted to wake up to do his surah," I told hubby later that day.
Apparently hubby didn't realize that and told H to go back to sleep.
A few days later, H did it again; he slept on the floor and even put an alarm clock next to his head. I don't know if it went off, but hubby ended up picking him up and placing him back on the bed.
"Why?" I asked hubby.
"I just told him to pray fajr and go back to sleep," he said.
"But he wanted to do his surah," I said.
"His body might not be able to take it. Let it be gradual," he replied.
Last night, H did it again, but he slept on his bed, though he told me he wanted to wake up for Fajr.
We woke him up, and he joined us for salat, and went back to sleep.
Maybe in the winter, when the days are shorter and they can sleep earlier after Isha' he can do it, inshaallah. I just hope he will still have the desire to do so...
Lucky you!
"AM told the other kids that I only have one ayah to memorize, and they said to me that I was lucky," said H.
"Then AM said, 'No,' and smiled, and said the ayah, and then they said, 'Ok maybe you're not so lucky," he continued.
The ayah is verse 31, surah al muddathir, which S is now helping him memorize because she already memorized the surah.
31: Muhsin Khan: And We have set none but angels as guardians of the Fire, and We have fixed their number (19) only as a trial for the disbelievers, in order that the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) may arrive at a certainty [that this Quran is the truth as it agrees with their Books i.e. their number (19) is written in the Taurat (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel)] and the believers may increase in Faith (as this Quran is the truth) and that no doubts may be left for the people of the Scripture and the believers, and that those in whose hearts is a disease (of hypocrisy) and the disbelievers may say: "What Allah intends by this (curious) example ?" Thus Allah leads astray whom He wills and guides whom He wills. And none can know the hosts of your Lord but He. And this (Hell) is nothing else than a (warning) reminder to mankind.
"R took three weeks to memorize it," said H.
Before this, H came home and told me,
"AM said I memorize good and he didn't give me anything to memorize today."
And now, I'm thinking to myself, "Yeah, I know why. He's saving that break for this long one."
"Done!" H shouted with triumph.
"Ar-Rahman is easier than this one!" he said.
"Huh? No! This is easier," said S.
"No, Ar-Rahman is easier," insisted H.
"Then AM said, 'No,' and smiled, and said the ayah, and then they said, 'Ok maybe you're not so lucky," he continued.
The ayah is verse 31, surah al muddathir, which S is now helping him memorize because she already memorized the surah.
31: Muhsin Khan: And We have set none but angels as guardians of the Fire, and We have fixed their number (19) only as a trial for the disbelievers, in order that the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) may arrive at a certainty [that this Quran is the truth as it agrees with their Books i.e. their number (19) is written in the Taurat (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel)] and the believers may increase in Faith (as this Quran is the truth) and that no doubts may be left for the people of the Scripture and the believers, and that those in whose hearts is a disease (of hypocrisy) and the disbelievers may say: "What Allah intends by this (curious) example ?" Thus Allah leads astray whom He wills and guides whom He wills. And none can know the hosts of your Lord but He. And this (Hell) is nothing else than a (warning) reminder to mankind.
"R took three weeks to memorize it," said H.
Before this, H came home and told me,
"AM said I memorize good and he didn't give me anything to memorize today."
And now, I'm thinking to myself, "Yeah, I know why. He's saving that break for this long one."
"Done!" H shouted with triumph.
"Ar-Rahman is easier than this one!" he said.
"Huh? No! This is easier," said S.
"No, Ar-Rahman is easier," insisted H.
Post Rays of Faith
"Is AlMaghrib over?"
"Yes, why, do you like it?"
"Yeah."
"What do you like about it?"
"Playing there."
"Talking to the people."
"Is the sheikh nice?"
"Yes, but he only smiled at me once. Sheikh Yaser Birjas smiled at me lots of time and he shook my hand," said H.
I admit it, I have AlMaghrib withdrawal syndrome right after the second weekend. For some reason, despite the harried two full weekends, you miss the atmosphere of learning for the sake of Allah. I miss it too.
I shared whatever stories/facts I could remember off the bat with the kids. And this is how AlMaghrib benefits us as a family, though I'm sure my story telling skills are way below par.
But, even though they didn't take the class, they miss the atmosphere too. Subhanallah...
"Yes, why, do you like it?"
"Yeah."
"What do you like about it?"
"Playing there."
"Talking to the people."
"Is the sheikh nice?"
"Yes, but he only smiled at me once. Sheikh Yaser Birjas smiled at me lots of time and he shook my hand," said H.
I admit it, I have AlMaghrib withdrawal syndrome right after the second weekend. For some reason, despite the harried two full weekends, you miss the atmosphere of learning for the sake of Allah. I miss it too.
I shared whatever stories/facts I could remember off the bat with the kids. And this is how AlMaghrib benefits us as a family, though I'm sure my story telling skills are way below par.
But, even though they didn't take the class, they miss the atmosphere too. Subhanallah...
Monday, July 09, 2007
Rays of Faith Weekend 1
Who would think that a baby could wreak such havoc in his mother's brain? I messed up big time in calendar reading last week.
1. I kept insisting that the aqeeqah we were invited to attend was on June 30 when it was on July 7.
"So are we going today?" I asked hubby.
"It's next week!" he replied for the umpteenth time.
"But you can go today if you want," he added.
2. I arranged for a couple friend to bring the kids to the library last Saturday for a program at the library since I was attending an AlMaghrib class while hubby watched Baby Z onsite. I had cooked lunch, invited them over, arranged the logistics and everything, and then...
"So did they attend the program?"
"It's next week," said T.
The librarian even asked T, while laughing,
"Do you want to camp out?"
July 14, became July 7 to me. I don't know how I could have botched the whole thing up!
And all this over fretting and worrying over how I would manage taking Rays of Faith with a nursing baby in tow. I don't pump, so hubby offered to babysit Baby Z onsite while I sit in class and dash out every break time to nurse Baby Z. So distraught was I over this arrangement, worrying that he might not get enough nursing sessions because the class was a full weekend, that I failed to read the calendar properly.
Alhamdulillah though, Friday was pretty ok, Saturday was very very tiring, and Sunday was good. Friday and Saturday, I was not able to concentrate in class that much as I kept thinking of Baby Z, and for several times, I kept giving him the wrong side that I was engorged on the other side. Sunday, I was getting the hang of it alhamdulillah. Baby Z also seemed to hang on to me everytime I nursed him, making me go in late in class each time after break. All in all, it's both hilarious and disturbing how a little baby can wreak such havoc in my mind.
And why am I taking the class and not hubby, when it's obvious that it would be easier and logical if he does instead of me?
Because, according to him,
"It would be more beneficial if she takes it because she will be the one raising the children."
"No, you should take it because you need to be educated because you are the one raising your children," said a friend, when I told her that it would be a lot easier if hubby takes the class rather than me.
May all husbands think this way. Ameen.
1. I kept insisting that the aqeeqah we were invited to attend was on June 30 when it was on July 7.
"So are we going today?" I asked hubby.
"It's next week!" he replied for the umpteenth time.
"But you can go today if you want," he added.
2. I arranged for a couple friend to bring the kids to the library last Saturday for a program at the library since I was attending an AlMaghrib class while hubby watched Baby Z onsite. I had cooked lunch, invited them over, arranged the logistics and everything, and then...
"So did they attend the program?"
"It's next week," said T.
The librarian even asked T, while laughing,
"Do you want to camp out?"
July 14, became July 7 to me. I don't know how I could have botched the whole thing up!
And all this over fretting and worrying over how I would manage taking Rays of Faith with a nursing baby in tow. I don't pump, so hubby offered to babysit Baby Z onsite while I sit in class and dash out every break time to nurse Baby Z. So distraught was I over this arrangement, worrying that he might not get enough nursing sessions because the class was a full weekend, that I failed to read the calendar properly.
Alhamdulillah though, Friday was pretty ok, Saturday was very very tiring, and Sunday was good. Friday and Saturday, I was not able to concentrate in class that much as I kept thinking of Baby Z, and for several times, I kept giving him the wrong side that I was engorged on the other side. Sunday, I was getting the hang of it alhamdulillah. Baby Z also seemed to hang on to me everytime I nursed him, making me go in late in class each time after break. All in all, it's both hilarious and disturbing how a little baby can wreak such havoc in my mind.
And why am I taking the class and not hubby, when it's obvious that it would be easier and logical if he does instead of me?
Because, according to him,
"It would be more beneficial if she takes it because she will be the one raising the children."
"No, you should take it because you need to be educated because you are the one raising your children," said a friend, when I told her that it would be a lot easier if hubby takes the class rather than me.
May all husbands think this way. Ameen.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Chub-Chub-Chub
S saw the butter and sugar out on the table, and asked if it was my breakfast. When I said yes, she said,
"I thought you want to be thinner?"
I asked N,
"Am I still chubby?"
"You were never chubby."
"Are you sure?"
"Okay maybe you're a little fat."
"So what happened to chubby and you?" said H to Baby Z and me. For one second, you would think the 'chubby' was referring to me, but Alhamdulillah it was his nick for his baby brother.
"I thought you want to be thinner?"
I asked N,
"Am I still chubby?"
"You were never chubby."
"Are you sure?"
"Okay maybe you're a little fat."
"So what happened to chubby and you?" said H to Baby Z and me. For one second, you would think the 'chubby' was referring to me, but Alhamdulillah it was his nick for his baby brother.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Red Alert!
"Ummi! Red alert! Red alert!"
I turned away from the computer. The first thought that gushed through my head was a 9/11.
"H got stung by a wasp on the neck!"
"Where is he?"
"Putting his bike back."
He was stung on the head behind the ears but I couldn't see it because it was where his hair was. I quickly googled wasp stung, and applied baking soda paste on his sting site.
When hubby came back, he mimicked H's screaming. From the laughter, I guess it was pretty dramatic and funny, H-style.
"So how did he wail again?" I asked them.
"It's not funny," said N.
"Oh, why not?" I asked.
"Because he fell on the floor* and he's hurt."
"He fell of the last rung and then jumped on the bench Abi was sitting on and screamed."
"Then Abi held his hand to look at the sting."
"So did he cry?" I asked.
"Yeah, he cried."
By the time he got home he wasn't crying anymore though.
I looked at the spot where he had held the baking soda paste on and said,
"H, your head's white!"
"Ayy! I'm an Amewican!"
*Laugh*
*floor means ground
I turned away from the computer. The first thought that gushed through my head was a 9/11.
"H got stung by a wasp on the neck!"
"Where is he?"
"Putting his bike back."
He was stung on the head behind the ears but I couldn't see it because it was where his hair was. I quickly googled wasp stung, and applied baking soda paste on his sting site.
When hubby came back, he mimicked H's screaming. From the laughter, I guess it was pretty dramatic and funny, H-style.
"So how did he wail again?" I asked them.
"It's not funny," said N.
"Oh, why not?" I asked.
"Because he fell on the floor* and he's hurt."
"He fell of the last rung and then jumped on the bench Abi was sitting on and screamed."
"Then Abi held his hand to look at the sting."
"So did he cry?" I asked.
"Yeah, he cried."
By the time he got home he wasn't crying anymore though.
I looked at the spot where he had held the baking soda paste on and said,
"H, your head's white!"
"Ayy! I'm an Amewican!"
*Laugh*
*floor means ground
Sunday, July 01, 2007
But, what if?
Troubleshooting:
What if the child persists that she hates her brother?
"I can hear how angry you are at your brother."
"Something he did really made you mad!"
"You want to tell me about it?"
What if other people make crude remarks about your children, enough to make them hate each other?
"N is the prettiest of all your kids." This actually was said by someone. My gut reaction was to wince, because S was there.
How do you protect your children from other people's slip of the tongue?
Well, what is suggested is to say to the child, or in this case, S,
"I'm sure it hurts to hear that. Next time someone says things like that, give me a signal. Then you'll know that I know how it sucks. It'll be our own little secret."
How do you make your child see things from another person's point of view?
"How would you feel if people use your bike without asking you first?" would be a no no. Instead,
"I'm sure you would know how it feels when people tinker with your stuff without asking you first."
The child would answer to himself without having to discuss it and that would be enough.
What if the child persists that she hates her brother?
"I can hear how angry you are at your brother."
"Something he did really made you mad!"
"You want to tell me about it?"
What if other people make crude remarks about your children, enough to make them hate each other?
"N is the prettiest of all your kids." This actually was said by someone. My gut reaction was to wince, because S was there.
How do you protect your children from other people's slip of the tongue?
Well, what is suggested is to say to the child, or in this case, S,
"I'm sure it hurts to hear that. Next time someone says things like that, give me a signal. Then you'll know that I know how it sucks. It'll be our own little secret."
How do you make your child see things from another person's point of view?
"How would you feel if people use your bike without asking you first?" would be a no no. Instead,
"I'm sure you would know how it feels when people tinker with your stuff without asking you first."
The child would answer to himself without having to discuss it and that would be enough.
Siblings Without Rivalry
I should have done this when the kids were smaller; read while nursing. I found it hard to do before, but this time around, I decided to try it, and it's not as hard as I thought it was. I finished this book in several sittings yesterday. So before I return it to the library, I thought I'd jot down some notes for my own record.
One thing I'm growing to love about Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish's books is the style of writing, and the illustrations provided. My constant complaint about most parenting books or literature is lack of specific dialogue examples, so this inclusion of true-to-life dialogues is a lot of help. So here goes:
When siblings complain about each other:
Acknowledge those feelings instead of dismissing them.
"H is so annoying!" is one of the common complaints I would hear out of S.
The easy and quick way to answer this, especially if you're a mother in a hurry is,
"Just ignore him."
Or to a complaint
"H is not helping!"
"Tell him to help."
Often times I tend to give quick answers because I'm always too exhausted to rectify the situation other than telling the other sibling to stop doing what s/he's doing or start doing what s/he's not doing.
Problem: I, as a parent intervene and they would drag me in their disputes everytime from then on.
Solution: Put the feelings into words.
To "H is annoying!" I should answer,
"You don't like it when he talks and talks especially when you're trying to read."
To "H is not helping!" I should answer,
"You feel like you're doing an unfair share of the work because you feel H is not helping out as much."
If I'm lucky, I'll get more conversation as a response to my replies, and this can give insight to any underlying emotional discords between them that I'm not aware of.
As an adult, I am too familiar with the feeling of being dismissed when I express my feelings to a friend. It in fact makes me feel more defensive and angry, and creates a further turmoil of emotions. However, when your feelings are reflected back to you, and acknowledged, you feel a sense of relief at being understood. Sometimes, a complaint is not meant to fish for a solution, but is just a need for a pair of ears. In some cases, a child might even come up with his/her own solution at the end of that conversation. All you, as a parent have to do, is listen and not criticize or find faults. Sometimes, when you answer with a defense for the other sibling, it might even create more ill feelings in the complaining sibling and might make problems between them worse.
If only...
"I hate H!"
"Don't say that."
Give children in fantasy what they don't have in reality by expressing what the child might wish.
So to the complaint above,
"You wish sometimes H would go away."
As much as the word 'hate' can rile and disturb a parent, it is important to acknowledge the feeling, and as Muslims train them to watch what they say (but this would come with age).
"N finished the last cookie!"
"You wish she'd ask you first before she ate it," would be the appropriate response, rather than maybe,
"There'll be more next time, Inshaallah."
Draw it!
Help children channel their hostile feelings into symbolic or creative outlets by encouraging creative expression.
I did try this technique with them once before, but in reverse.
I think it was S and H who were fighting. They were about to hit each other, or maybe they already did, I can barely remember, but I told both of them to write on paper 5 nice things about each other. Of course the immediate reaction on H's part was a refusal. I somehow coaxed him to and he managed to do it with a grudge. What I should have done was let them write how they feel.
Another way would be to have them pummel a pillow instead of each other. For younger children, it might help to have them draw or scribble how they feel especially since they cannot express their feelings verbally due to restrictions in language abilities.
Jump in...
Stop hurtful behavior. Show how angry feelings can be discharged safely. Refrain from attacking the attacker.
This is a helpful one, especially the last sentence above. Reprimanding the attacker would only exarcebate feelings of resentment in that particular sibling. What should be reprimanded is the behavior.
So let's say S hit H. I should say,
"No hitting. Tell H what you're so mad about."
"You're a liar!"
"Hmm, that's a serious accusation. Tell her how you feel and what you'd like her to do."
All in all, these techniques help children express their feelings in words, that would hopefully build some problem solving in relationships. I can already see that these skills would be very helpful in a marriage.
One thing I'm growing to love about Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish's books is the style of writing, and the illustrations provided. My constant complaint about most parenting books or literature is lack of specific dialogue examples, so this inclusion of true-to-life dialogues is a lot of help. So here goes:
When siblings complain about each other:
Acknowledge those feelings instead of dismissing them.
"H is so annoying!" is one of the common complaints I would hear out of S.
The easy and quick way to answer this, especially if you're a mother in a hurry is,
"Just ignore him."
Or to a complaint
"H is not helping!"
"Tell him to help."
Often times I tend to give quick answers because I'm always too exhausted to rectify the situation other than telling the other sibling to stop doing what s/he's doing or start doing what s/he's not doing.
Problem: I, as a parent intervene and they would drag me in their disputes everytime from then on.
Solution: Put the feelings into words.
To "H is annoying!" I should answer,
"You don't like it when he talks and talks especially when you're trying to read."
To "H is not helping!" I should answer,
"You feel like you're doing an unfair share of the work because you feel H is not helping out as much."
If I'm lucky, I'll get more conversation as a response to my replies, and this can give insight to any underlying emotional discords between them that I'm not aware of.
As an adult, I am too familiar with the feeling of being dismissed when I express my feelings to a friend. It in fact makes me feel more defensive and angry, and creates a further turmoil of emotions. However, when your feelings are reflected back to you, and acknowledged, you feel a sense of relief at being understood. Sometimes, a complaint is not meant to fish for a solution, but is just a need for a pair of ears. In some cases, a child might even come up with his/her own solution at the end of that conversation. All you, as a parent have to do, is listen and not criticize or find faults. Sometimes, when you answer with a defense for the other sibling, it might even create more ill feelings in the complaining sibling and might make problems between them worse.
If only...
"I hate H!"
"Don't say that."
Give children in fantasy what they don't have in reality by expressing what the child might wish.
So to the complaint above,
"You wish sometimes H would go away."
As much as the word 'hate' can rile and disturb a parent, it is important to acknowledge the feeling, and as Muslims train them to watch what they say (but this would come with age).
"N finished the last cookie!"
"You wish she'd ask you first before she ate it," would be the appropriate response, rather than maybe,
"There'll be more next time, Inshaallah."
Draw it!
Help children channel their hostile feelings into symbolic or creative outlets by encouraging creative expression.
I did try this technique with them once before, but in reverse.
I think it was S and H who were fighting. They were about to hit each other, or maybe they already did, I can barely remember, but I told both of them to write on paper 5 nice things about each other. Of course the immediate reaction on H's part was a refusal. I somehow coaxed him to and he managed to do it with a grudge. What I should have done was let them write how they feel.
Another way would be to have them pummel a pillow instead of each other. For younger children, it might help to have them draw or scribble how they feel especially since they cannot express their feelings verbally due to restrictions in language abilities.
Jump in...
Stop hurtful behavior. Show how angry feelings can be discharged safely. Refrain from attacking the attacker.
This is a helpful one, especially the last sentence above. Reprimanding the attacker would only exarcebate feelings of resentment in that particular sibling. What should be reprimanded is the behavior.
So let's say S hit H. I should say,
"No hitting. Tell H what you're so mad about."
"You're a liar!"
"Hmm, that's a serious accusation. Tell her how you feel and what you'd like her to do."
All in all, these techniques help children express their feelings in words, that would hopefully build some problem solving in relationships. I can already see that these skills would be very helpful in a marriage.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Left Behind
N passed a milestone recently: she can now ride her two wheeler, alhamdulilah. Yes, it all happened after we had Baby Z, such that when I was recovering in post partum, N asked me,
"Ummi, can you teach me to ride the bike?"
In the end, S and H helped her. They pushed her, and pretty soon she was cycling on her own.
I would peek out the window and see the three of them on the sidewalk; N on her bike, H on his, and S pushing N from behind. N also had her big fall where she scraped her knee real bad that she didn't even show it to me.
"Can I go to the masjid with Abi now?" she asked one time.
S and H had that opportunity, but she never did. Now that she can ride her two wheeler, she is asking for that opportunity.
Maybe I need to write a new story now, as she is no longer Left Behind.
"Ummi, can you teach me to ride the bike?"
In the end, S and H helped her. They pushed her, and pretty soon she was cycling on her own.
I would peek out the window and see the three of them on the sidewalk; N on her bike, H on his, and S pushing N from behind. N also had her big fall where she scraped her knee real bad that she didn't even show it to me.
"Can I go to the masjid with Abi now?" she asked one time.
S and H had that opportunity, but she never did. Now that she can ride her two wheeler, she is asking for that opportunity.
Maybe I need to write a new story now, as she is no longer Left Behind.
Why is Ummi Always Angry?
"Why do you think I'm always angry?"
"Because you're with us all the time," offered H.
"So what's the solution?"
"You go to school," hubby chipped in.
"Keep the house clean," replied H.
I thought about it. Hubby has suggested they go to school so many times before, but I never acceded to it. In fact whenever he would, it struck an obstinate chord in me. I know myself, because I have experienced it before. If they go to school and they come home with some bad influence, I would be more troubled than I would if their room is messy. I would worry, and I would berate myself, so I tell myself, I will bear this and fix myself, and may Allah help me.
"Because you're with us all the time," offered H.
"So what's the solution?"
"You go to school," hubby chipped in.
"Keep the house clean," replied H.
I thought about it. Hubby has suggested they go to school so many times before, but I never acceded to it. In fact whenever he would, it struck an obstinate chord in me. I know myself, because I have experienced it before. If they go to school and they come home with some bad influence, I would be more troubled than I would if their room is messy. I would worry, and I would berate myself, so I tell myself, I will bear this and fix myself, and may Allah help me.
Don't shout from Two Rooms away
One of the tips in The No-Cry Discipline Solution is not to yell commands from two rooms away for example, which I always do. The proper way is to get down at their eye level, touch their shoulders, make eye contact, and calmly give your command. That's what Muhammad Alshareef said in his 21 TeachingTechniques too. That is the sunnah, (hadith of man who committed zina) subhanallah!
So now I try to make conscious attempts not to do this, but it's a tad more difficult than I thought it would be, especially if I'm nursing and can't get up. So what I do is, call them to come to me. I guess so far it works this way.
Another tip is make sure you follow through after each command. I remember, growing up, my father used to holler commands at me and I would not heed them until he got angry. I think a lot of parents go through this with their children. It's a dangerous cycle to establish and in the book, it says to break this cycle and set a new pattern.
When you tell a child to pick up his toy, make sure he does. If he doesn't, go to him, take his hand and tell him again. If he doesn't make him do it, but in a calm manner (easier said than done, eh mommies?) And I have three!
I have known this too, but in times of hecticness, I always fail to follow through. Solution; think before you open your mouth!
Only issue your command if you're sure you can follow through, otherwise withold it.
Reality: sometimes it's not easy when you have a crying baby you are trying to put to sleep, and you have three children who need to take a shower, and you try to do this. In times of hurry, sometimes commands are issued like torpedos and the cycle happens.
Ah...it's an ongoing test, isn't it?
So now I try to make conscious attempts not to do this, but it's a tad more difficult than I thought it would be, especially if I'm nursing and can't get up. So what I do is, call them to come to me. I guess so far it works this way.
Another tip is make sure you follow through after each command. I remember, growing up, my father used to holler commands at me and I would not heed them until he got angry. I think a lot of parents go through this with their children. It's a dangerous cycle to establish and in the book, it says to break this cycle and set a new pattern.
When you tell a child to pick up his toy, make sure he does. If he doesn't, go to him, take his hand and tell him again. If he doesn't make him do it, but in a calm manner (easier said than done, eh mommies?) And I have three!
I have known this too, but in times of hecticness, I always fail to follow through. Solution; think before you open your mouth!
Only issue your command if you're sure you can follow through, otherwise withold it.
Reality: sometimes it's not easy when you have a crying baby you are trying to put to sleep, and you have three children who need to take a shower, and you try to do this. In times of hurry, sometimes commands are issued like torpedos and the cycle happens.
Ah...it's an ongoing test, isn't it?
Parenting 102
My ongoing problem and battle with the kids: keeping their room clean, and the whole house for that matter.
I reminisce the time when they were all under the age of 3. The house was CLEAN! Their toys fit one plastic tub. Now, oh boy, we had to throw some of their toys, and for some odd reason, the toys keep reproducing. Everytime I go into their room, I get so agitated, and I told them,
"You have to keep your room clean. You know, did you notice how I always get angry when your room is messy? It's because shaytaan like mess and that's why I get angry. My head is a mess too!"
It's my fault. I didn't really teach them to put their toys away once they are done playing with it. I only taught them to dump their toys in the toy tub every time before nap and bedtime. They didn't really grasp the concept of putting one toy away once they were done playing with it before taking out another toy.
So now, what do I do? I try this again and again, and again.
"Keep your room clean. You know how to do that? Once you're done with something, put it away right away so your room doesn't get messy in the first place. Trust me, you won't even have to clean up if you keep doing this."
But it happens again and again, and again. I think part of the reason is because they're all crammed into one room. There is an imbalance of workload between the three of them.
I am currently reading the book, Beyond Sibling Rivalry. I notice that S and H always fight. After reading the book, I think I know why for sure, even though I kind of guessed it before.
S feels that it is unfair that H is treated like a baby mostly by me. She feels it's unfair that she has to do a lot but N and H don't. It is true. I have depended on her a lot, especially in situations where I was in a hurry. I even realize that her name slips off my tongue so easily when I need help. Poor S. I have taught her to be independent ever since I realized N was in my tummy. So she resents that fact and takes it out on H. She doesn't take it out on N that much, I think, because N is quieter, but H is more verbal, and somewhat annoying to her.
So to fix this, I have to start watching what I do in terms of handing them workloads. I also notice S is very quick to point out any unfairness. Before, when she used to do this, I would reply with something curt, to get the job done. Now, I keep my mouth shut, and treat it as a reminder.
I also finished reading, How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk, and I tried out some of their techniques.
Acknowledging feelings is one thing I have been doing more of. When the kids express their feelings, instead of negating them, or advising them, I would acknowledge those feelings. I had a nice talk with H and N when I did this, separately of course.
With N it was about hijab.
"You feel like you don't want to wear it sometimes, do you?"
"I feel like I don't want to wear it ever," she said.
I held my tongue and carefully phrased me next sentence.
"I know, me too. You know, sometimes I feel like I want to take it off and feel the wind in my hair. I never get to."
I could see her eyes lighting up and she began to pay more attention. I was nursing Baby Z at this time. I continued.
"But you know what?"
"What?"
"If I do take it off, I might feel cool now, but I will be hot forever. You know where?"
"In Naar," she replied.
"So I can take it off now if I want, but when I think about it, I think, 'hmmm, maybe not' because then I might be hot in Naar forever, just to be cool here for a while. So I just have to wear it."
"In the book Frog and Toad, they talk about willpower," she suddenly said.
"What's willpower?" I asked her.
"It's when you really want to do something but you can't do it, then you have lots of willpower."
"Oh, so do you have to lots of willpower to keep wearing your tudung*?"
"Yes."
After that conversation, she left the room, and later on, she asked me,
"Ummi can you tell S what we talked about?"
"You tell her," I said.
"No, you tell her."
"Maybe next time," I said.
One deep conversation was enough for one night for me. With S, I have other issues to iron out.
My conversation with H occured in the van in the masjid parking lot, while we were waiting for hubby to come. Somehow we got to talking about video games and basically the conversation went on the same route, except that the focus of the conversation was that you get more reward if you withhold yourself from doing something if you really want to do it rather than not doing something because you don't want to do it anyway.
"If I don't drink alcohol because I don't like it anyway, I get rewarded. But if I really want to drink it, but I stop myself, then I get even more reward," I said.
"So, if let's say you hang out with your friends and they ask you to watch TV or play video games a lot, and you say no when you really want to,..." I began.
"I get more reward," he chipped in.
"Yeah, I know it's hard, but in Jannah you can ask Allah for whatever you want," I said.
I was actually surprised that he understood immediately the concept of more reward for patience of withholding desires. H might be a little difficult to convince because sometimes he would resort to agreeing with what we say just to make the conversation flow. Or he would stubbornly disagree despite anything you say. So the trick with him is to engage him in the conversation.
With S, just last night, it was very hectic around maghrib time. I had a headache, Baby Z peed on the bed, we had to do emergency laundry. Tempers were running short on hubby's side. Mine too but I was too tired to get all worked up.
"Don't even mention ice cream tonight!" hubby hollered at the kids, because N had spilled sirap on the table. (Let's just say the kitchen was a big mess, it has been a very long and hot day, and the whole house was very messy too)
S blamed it on her siblings. She cried. I told her to quiet down in anger. After we prayed though, I told hubby to retract his words on S.
I called her to my room and said,
"You feel it's unfair that you always do a lot but N and H don't."
She didn't answer. She cried and nodded emphatically.
"I feel it's unfair too," I said.
"Go and eat your ice cream," I said.
With S, it's more of an emotional roller coaster. At least I hope, she won't be filled with so much resentment to her siblings so as to foster more ill feelings, inshaallah.
This is not easy for me. I wasn't raised this way, so it's a totally new experience for me. Biiznillah I can do it. Allah, give us patience and wisdom to parent our children. Now all I have to do is relay all this to hubby since he doesn't read.
I reminisce the time when they were all under the age of 3. The house was CLEAN! Their toys fit one plastic tub. Now, oh boy, we had to throw some of their toys, and for some odd reason, the toys keep reproducing. Everytime I go into their room, I get so agitated, and I told them,
"You have to keep your room clean. You know, did you notice how I always get angry when your room is messy? It's because shaytaan like mess and that's why I get angry. My head is a mess too!"
It's my fault. I didn't really teach them to put their toys away once they are done playing with it. I only taught them to dump their toys in the toy tub every time before nap and bedtime. They didn't really grasp the concept of putting one toy away once they were done playing with it before taking out another toy.
So now, what do I do? I try this again and again, and again.
"Keep your room clean. You know how to do that? Once you're done with something, put it away right away so your room doesn't get messy in the first place. Trust me, you won't even have to clean up if you keep doing this."
But it happens again and again, and again. I think part of the reason is because they're all crammed into one room. There is an imbalance of workload between the three of them.
I am currently reading the book, Beyond Sibling Rivalry. I notice that S and H always fight. After reading the book, I think I know why for sure, even though I kind of guessed it before.
S feels that it is unfair that H is treated like a baby mostly by me. She feels it's unfair that she has to do a lot but N and H don't. It is true. I have depended on her a lot, especially in situations where I was in a hurry. I even realize that her name slips off my tongue so easily when I need help. Poor S. I have taught her to be independent ever since I realized N was in my tummy. So she resents that fact and takes it out on H. She doesn't take it out on N that much, I think, because N is quieter, but H is more verbal, and somewhat annoying to her.
So to fix this, I have to start watching what I do in terms of handing them workloads. I also notice S is very quick to point out any unfairness. Before, when she used to do this, I would reply with something curt, to get the job done. Now, I keep my mouth shut, and treat it as a reminder.
I also finished reading, How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk, and I tried out some of their techniques.
Acknowledging feelings is one thing I have been doing more of. When the kids express their feelings, instead of negating them, or advising them, I would acknowledge those feelings. I had a nice talk with H and N when I did this, separately of course.
With N it was about hijab.
"You feel like you don't want to wear it sometimes, do you?"
"I feel like I don't want to wear it ever," she said.
I held my tongue and carefully phrased me next sentence.
"I know, me too. You know, sometimes I feel like I want to take it off and feel the wind in my hair. I never get to."
I could see her eyes lighting up and she began to pay more attention. I was nursing Baby Z at this time. I continued.
"But you know what?"
"What?"
"If I do take it off, I might feel cool now, but I will be hot forever. You know where?"
"In Naar," she replied.
"So I can take it off now if I want, but when I think about it, I think, 'hmmm, maybe not' because then I might be hot in Naar forever, just to be cool here for a while. So I just have to wear it."
"In the book Frog and Toad, they talk about willpower," she suddenly said.
"What's willpower?" I asked her.
"It's when you really want to do something but you can't do it, then you have lots of willpower."
"Oh, so do you have to lots of willpower to keep wearing your tudung*?"
"Yes."
After that conversation, she left the room, and later on, she asked me,
"Ummi can you tell S what we talked about?"
"You tell her," I said.
"No, you tell her."
"Maybe next time," I said.
One deep conversation was enough for one night for me. With S, I have other issues to iron out.
My conversation with H occured in the van in the masjid parking lot, while we were waiting for hubby to come. Somehow we got to talking about video games and basically the conversation went on the same route, except that the focus of the conversation was that you get more reward if you withhold yourself from doing something if you really want to do it rather than not doing something because you don't want to do it anyway.
"If I don't drink alcohol because I don't like it anyway, I get rewarded. But if I really want to drink it, but I stop myself, then I get even more reward," I said.
"So, if let's say you hang out with your friends and they ask you to watch TV or play video games a lot, and you say no when you really want to,..." I began.
"I get more reward," he chipped in.
"Yeah, I know it's hard, but in Jannah you can ask Allah for whatever you want," I said.
I was actually surprised that he understood immediately the concept of more reward for patience of withholding desires. H might be a little difficult to convince because sometimes he would resort to agreeing with what we say just to make the conversation flow. Or he would stubbornly disagree despite anything you say. So the trick with him is to engage him in the conversation.
With S, just last night, it was very hectic around maghrib time. I had a headache, Baby Z peed on the bed, we had to do emergency laundry. Tempers were running short on hubby's side. Mine too but I was too tired to get all worked up.
"Don't even mention ice cream tonight!" hubby hollered at the kids, because N had spilled sirap on the table. (Let's just say the kitchen was a big mess, it has been a very long and hot day, and the whole house was very messy too)
S blamed it on her siblings. She cried. I told her to quiet down in anger. After we prayed though, I told hubby to retract his words on S.
I called her to my room and said,
"You feel it's unfair that you always do a lot but N and H don't."
She didn't answer. She cried and nodded emphatically.
"I feel it's unfair too," I said.
"Go and eat your ice cream," I said.
With S, it's more of an emotional roller coaster. At least I hope, she won't be filled with so much resentment to her siblings so as to foster more ill feelings, inshaallah.
This is not easy for me. I wasn't raised this way, so it's a totally new experience for me. Biiznillah I can do it. Allah, give us patience and wisdom to parent our children. Now all I have to do is relay all this to hubby since he doesn't read.
Ham
"H, of all the people you meet, who do you like to hang out with?"
"Zk and AR."
"Sometims AR listens to me more, and Zk if I say I want to play something he doesn't listen to me."
"Oh, how old is AR?"
"Ten."
"How about your other friends, like at soccer and stuff?"
"Oh, them? I don't really have friends at soccer."
"But who do you like? What about at the Tuttle Park programs?"
"Not really. They always talk about ham sandwich and stuff. It's annoying."
"Oh, they do?"
"Yeah, one time, they gave me one, but I didn't take it."
"Then this one boy he said 'I don't like ham," and I said 'me neither'."
"So who do you like more, Muslims or non Muslims?"
"Muslims."
"Zk and AR."
"Sometims AR listens to me more, and Zk if I say I want to play something he doesn't listen to me."
"Oh, how old is AR?"
"Ten."
"How about your other friends, like at soccer and stuff?"
"Oh, them? I don't really have friends at soccer."
"But who do you like? What about at the Tuttle Park programs?"
"Not really. They always talk about ham sandwich and stuff. It's annoying."
"Oh, they do?"
"Yeah, one time, they gave me one, but I didn't take it."
"Then this one boy he said 'I don't like ham," and I said 'me neither'."
"So who do you like more, Muslims or non Muslims?"
"Muslims."
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Everything Happened!
I dropped N and H today off for their tennis camp. When I picked them up, H, in his excitement, let out a string of incomprehensible words, probably trying to tell us the day's events.
"What didn't happen?" I asked him.
He paused for a while, and answered,
"Everything happened!"
I burst out laughing halfway home while he and N talked about Chocolate Thunder and how fun it was. I have yet to find out what Chocolate Thunder is.
"We played games."
"How? You don't know how to hit the ball," I said.
"I always know how to hit the ball!" he said indignantly.
"How about you N?" I asked.
"He taught us," she replied.
Well, maybe hubby won't be too tired telling them to practice hitting the ball when we go for our tennis outing, which has yet to happen this summer.
"What didn't happen?" I asked him.
He paused for a while, and answered,
"Everything happened!"
I burst out laughing halfway home while he and N talked about Chocolate Thunder and how fun it was. I have yet to find out what Chocolate Thunder is.
"We played games."
"How? You don't know how to hit the ball," I said.
"I always know how to hit the ball!" he said indignantly.
"How about you N?" I asked.
"He taught us," she replied.
Well, maybe hubby won't be too tired telling them to practice hitting the ball when we go for our tennis outing, which has yet to happen this summer.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Z's First Hayl Meeting
Last Sunday Baby Z attended his first Hayl Meeting. Hubby had asked me repeatedly the night before if I wanted to go. I never answered because I didn't know how it was going to be Saturday night. However, Sunday morning, both Baby Z and I were awake at 8:30 am, so I thought, "Why not?"
We were 10 minutes late. Had to drop off SNH at Sh's house, pick up a brother, and deal with the stroller. B had already started the meeting when we got there, of course. As I sat down, Baby Z awoke. He wanted to nurse. I got out of the auditorium and sat in a nearby classroom.
As i turned on the lights, I couldn't help thinking about the Virginia Tech shooting. While he was nursing, I was thinking what it would be like were it to happen, nauzubillah. I guess that was the first time I have been in a campus classroom for quite some time. On saturday, we had some Indonesians over and over the course of our conv ersation, a sister mentioned of a research that found, that nursing mothers who are happy and smiling have healthier babies, because the quality of the milk is affected. Well, I hope to banish such sinister thoughts next time I nurse Baby Z, inshaallah.
As I struggled to burp him, he spit up big time. I went back inside the auditorium and lay him in his car seat. A few mionutes later, I heard a familiar sound from him. Apparently, he wanted a tour of the Hitchcock Hall, mainly the restroom. So I got up and took him to the restroom, which was on the first floor. That meant I had to go up one floor. He was smiling and cooing as I changed and talked to him. Yeah, sure, he was happy to get the tour.
We went back and I was able to remain in the auditorium for the rest of the meeting. As for Baby Z, as soon as we were getting into groups, he was passed around from one adoring fan to the other, suich that he wasn't able to take his nap. Later on at home, he napped for 3 straight hours! I had to wake him up because I was full.
Baby Z's first Hayl meeting. All the works.
We were 10 minutes late. Had to drop off SNH at Sh's house, pick up a brother, and deal with the stroller. B had already started the meeting when we got there, of course. As I sat down, Baby Z awoke. He wanted to nurse. I got out of the auditorium and sat in a nearby classroom.
As i turned on the lights, I couldn't help thinking about the Virginia Tech shooting. While he was nursing, I was thinking what it would be like were it to happen, nauzubillah. I guess that was the first time I have been in a campus classroom for quite some time. On saturday, we had some Indonesians over and over the course of our conv ersation, a sister mentioned of a research that found, that nursing mothers who are happy and smiling have healthier babies, because the quality of the milk is affected. Well, I hope to banish such sinister thoughts next time I nurse Baby Z, inshaallah.
As I struggled to burp him, he spit up big time. I went back inside the auditorium and lay him in his car seat. A few mionutes later, I heard a familiar sound from him. Apparently, he wanted a tour of the Hitchcock Hall, mainly the restroom. So I got up and took him to the restroom, which was on the first floor. That meant I had to go up one floor. He was smiling and cooing as I changed and talked to him. Yeah, sure, he was happy to get the tour.
We went back and I was able to remain in the auditorium for the rest of the meeting. As for Baby Z, as soon as we were getting into groups, he was passed around from one adoring fan to the other, suich that he wasn't able to take his nap. Later on at home, he napped for 3 straight hours! I had to wake him up because I was full.
Baby Z's first Hayl meeting. All the works.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Smoke!
My eldest daughter is asleep with Baby Z in her arms. My big boy H is napping without any lunch after a soccer game in the morning till noon. My middle daughter is upstairs waiting for me while I upload the photos from the camera onto the computer. And I'm gulping down lychee (that's my lunch).
The past few days hubby and I have been busy with Hayl AlMaghrib stuff and it has been really dragging for days. It isn't particularly easy trying to get everything by a looming deadline with a crying baby who wakes up every couple o' hours, incessant phone calls due to Hayl stuff, nursing demands from Baby Z, three other kids who have summer programs at scattered hours throughout the day, hubby's orders that the kids do Quran, which I have to supervise on top of everything else, my own sleepiness, and like icing on a cake, a neighbor's house that would have burned our apartment down had we not seen the smoke coming out of our oven.
We were lounging in the living room when we were disrupted by a very intense stench coming from the kitchen. As we had closed the living room window, it was obvious that the smell came from the kitchen window so we closed it. However the stench lingered. It smelled at first like BBQ but each time we went to the kitchen sink the stench grew worse. Just before maghrib, hubby noticed smoke coming from our kitchen. I opened the oven and peeked though I know we didn't have anything in it because I haven't been cooking for days. Smoke was coming out. Immediately hubby went out to look at our neighbor's house. It was filled with smoke!
I was holding Baby Z. Hubby ran next door, pried off their screen and unlocked their door through the window. Apparently and fortunately, no one was in. Smoke billowed out like a pot boiling over. He dashed inside. I stood at our door, still holding Baby Z, not quite knowing what to do. Afraid that hubby would be overwhelmed by the smoke, I grabbed the phone and proceeded to call 911, but thought twice about it.
"What if everything was ok? I would be wasting their time." I held back.
"J!"
"Sgl!" I called out. A sister was coming by to drop money for the P10, and she apparently saw all the smoke coming out of our neighbor's house. It probably looked like our apartment was smoking too.
"My husband's inside!" I yelled to her.
Well, to make a long story short, hubby took off his shirt to silence the smoke alarm while standing on the stair railing. (I know that is a precarious perch, for the railing is very very thin)
"They had a pot on the stove," he said, later on.
He reeked of smoke when he came in. It was maghrib (what I call hectic time in our house).
Apparently they had left a pot on the stove and it had burned.
Alhamdulillah hubby didn't go to the masjid yet, or our apartment might have been filled with smoke too, judging from the smoke coming out of our dormant oven!
Well, alhamdulillah all ended well. I was a little worried about hubby and smoke inhalation, but he was too busy with P10, I don't think he will see a doctor to have it checked.
The past few days hubby and I have been busy with Hayl AlMaghrib stuff and it has been really dragging for days. It isn't particularly easy trying to get everything by a looming deadline with a crying baby who wakes up every couple o' hours, incessant phone calls due to Hayl stuff, nursing demands from Baby Z, three other kids who have summer programs at scattered hours throughout the day, hubby's orders that the kids do Quran, which I have to supervise on top of everything else, my own sleepiness, and like icing on a cake, a neighbor's house that would have burned our apartment down had we not seen the smoke coming out of our oven.
We were lounging in the living room when we were disrupted by a very intense stench coming from the kitchen. As we had closed the living room window, it was obvious that the smell came from the kitchen window so we closed it. However the stench lingered. It smelled at first like BBQ but each time we went to the kitchen sink the stench grew worse. Just before maghrib, hubby noticed smoke coming from our kitchen. I opened the oven and peeked though I know we didn't have anything in it because I haven't been cooking for days. Smoke was coming out. Immediately hubby went out to look at our neighbor's house. It was filled with smoke!
I was holding Baby Z. Hubby ran next door, pried off their screen and unlocked their door through the window. Apparently and fortunately, no one was in. Smoke billowed out like a pot boiling over. He dashed inside. I stood at our door, still holding Baby Z, not quite knowing what to do. Afraid that hubby would be overwhelmed by the smoke, I grabbed the phone and proceeded to call 911, but thought twice about it.
"What if everything was ok? I would be wasting their time." I held back.
"J!"
"Sgl!" I called out. A sister was coming by to drop money for the P10, and she apparently saw all the smoke coming out of our neighbor's house. It probably looked like our apartment was smoking too.
"My husband's inside!" I yelled to her.
Well, to make a long story short, hubby took off his shirt to silence the smoke alarm while standing on the stair railing. (I know that is a precarious perch, for the railing is very very thin)
"They had a pot on the stove," he said, later on.
He reeked of smoke when he came in. It was maghrib (what I call hectic time in our house).
Apparently they had left a pot on the stove and it had burned.
Alhamdulillah hubby didn't go to the masjid yet, or our apartment might have been filled with smoke too, judging from the smoke coming out of our dormant oven!
Well, alhamdulillah all ended well. I was a little worried about hubby and smoke inhalation, but he was too busy with P10, I don't think he will see a doctor to have it checked.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Chatting with the kids
"Zk said Malaysians are stinky," said N.
"Huh?"
"No, no, he said 'what's this smell? did you fart?' and I said no, and he said, 'it smells malaysian'," H elaborated for my benefit.
I guffawed.
They told me funny stories of AM, the hafidh who is teaching them Quran at the masjid.
"He gives me the jitters," said S.
"Why?" I asked.
"His face looks scary!"
"One time he killed a bee and his face went like this."
"Did the kids laugh?" I asked.
"Duuh!" S replied.
"They did?" I asked.
"Yeah, you don't see that every day."
"So do you look at his face when you recite your surah?" I asked.
"Yeah, but now I just look down," said H.
He went on:
"I used to stare at him but I think he thinks that it's rude."
"How do you know he thinks it's rude?" I asked.
"Because he said to me, 'Blink!'"
"So now I look at him when he says the surah but when I say mine, I look at his lap."
I chuckled.
"Do you like him though?"
They nodded.
"If we move do you want to take him with us?" I asked. H had once expressed that if we move he would like to bring the masjid and its people with us so he won't be sad to leave Columbus.
"Do you like him or the Sheikh?
"Him."
"I thought you like the Sheikh?"
"No, the Sheikh just looks nice. AM looks scary but he's nice and funny too. He's only scary when we do the Quran. One time, when I said my part wrong, he said it out loud it my ear, I thought I couldn't hear anymore after that."
"One time he said that someone didn't so their surah and M laughed, then he said, 'you only laugh if you do something good' and then he did this funny face 'he he'."
The prospect of us leaving Columbus saddens me when I think of the bonds we have formed here. When H said that he would like to bring the masjid and some people with us if we move, it really struck me how attached he is to the masjid and its people, and I LOVE that, alhamdulillah!
Of course at first I laughed when he said it, but then I realized the implications of his suggestion.
Today, we dropped off S and N at M's house. I had talked to S about making friends, and it was not easy for her because as it is, she is lacking friends. However, I wasn't about to let her just pick up any friends just for having friends sake. I made her understand that you are who your friends are, and that when she actually acquires one, it'd better be a good one.
As for H, wel, boys will be boys, talks about farts, and Malaysians, and Muslims having pointy noses, and making fart sounds with armpits. I can rest assured that I will never be short of any source of entertainment in times of boredom; just chat 'em up!
"Huh?"
"No, no, he said 'what's this smell? did you fart?' and I said no, and he said, 'it smells malaysian'," H elaborated for my benefit.
I guffawed.
They told me funny stories of AM, the hafidh who is teaching them Quran at the masjid.
"He gives me the jitters," said S.
"Why?" I asked.
"His face looks scary!"
"One time he killed a bee and his face went like this."
"Did the kids laugh?" I asked.
"Duuh!" S replied.
"They did?" I asked.
"Yeah, you don't see that every day."
"So do you look at his face when you recite your surah?" I asked.
"Yeah, but now I just look down," said H.
He went on:
"I used to stare at him but I think he thinks that it's rude."
"How do you know he thinks it's rude?" I asked.
"Because he said to me, 'Blink!'"
"So now I look at him when he says the surah but when I say mine, I look at his lap."
I chuckled.
"Do you like him though?"
They nodded.
"If we move do you want to take him with us?" I asked. H had once expressed that if we move he would like to bring the masjid and its people with us so he won't be sad to leave Columbus.
"Do you like him or the Sheikh?
"Him."
"I thought you like the Sheikh?"
"No, the Sheikh just looks nice. AM looks scary but he's nice and funny too. He's only scary when we do the Quran. One time, when I said my part wrong, he said it out loud it my ear, I thought I couldn't hear anymore after that."
"One time he said that someone didn't so their surah and M laughed, then he said, 'you only laugh if you do something good' and then he did this funny face 'he he'."
The prospect of us leaving Columbus saddens me when I think of the bonds we have formed here. When H said that he would like to bring the masjid and some people with us if we move, it really struck me how attached he is to the masjid and its people, and I LOVE that, alhamdulillah!
Of course at first I laughed when he said it, but then I realized the implications of his suggestion.
Today, we dropped off S and N at M's house. I had talked to S about making friends, and it was not easy for her because as it is, she is lacking friends. However, I wasn't about to let her just pick up any friends just for having friends sake. I made her understand that you are who your friends are, and that when she actually acquires one, it'd better be a good one.
As for H, wel, boys will be boys, talks about farts, and Malaysians, and Muslims having pointy noses, and making fart sounds with armpits. I can rest assured that I will never be short of any source of entertainment in times of boredom; just chat 'em up!
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