Opposition to Homeschooling

When I took S out of school and began to homeschool her, I certainly received some 'feedback' from people around us. An Islamic school teacher said to me,

"I don't want my kids to learn everything just from me. I want them to learn from other people too."

I had attended an event set up by some local Muslims, and on the way home, I rode with a sister who was also my neighbor. Somehow, the subject of homeschooling came up, not by me, and before long, I was being 'lectured'.

"You know, my daughter, she goes to school and she makes dawah to the other kids, because they see that she is Muslim."

She went on to say some other stuff, that I just nodded to. I was not born with eloquence, nor was I born with power of persuasion. I nodded all the way home, wishing that I had left with my husband earlier.

Being a Malay, assertiveness is not that apparent, and so, when people berate me for homeschooling I usually suffer in silence.

The most ridiculous encounter I've had was with an Asian lady at the Asian grocery store. She saw my children, smiled at me, and asked me which school they go to.

When I said that I homeschool them, she immediately turned 'auntie':

"Oh..homeschool is not good. You keep them at home. They should go to school and be with people. My son...."

and I let her talk while nodding respectfully, my feet itching to walk away.

After a while, whenever people ask me whre my kids go to school, I hesitate before answering. I would assess them, their sincerity, and inclinations. To some I would readily say I homeschool, and depending on their next response, I would either make the remaining conversation long or short on the topic. To me, it's just not worth going on and on about a topic to someone who is just out to find faults with it. It's a waste of energy and emotions.

Throughout the years, I've met people who were considerate in treading the topic, and I ride it with them, appreciating their careful questions. To these people, I would pick from the many reason people might homeschool when presenting the topic to them. Some would be happy to hear that homeschooled kids are better off academically than school-going kids. Some would be appeased to hear that the public school is not a safe place.

Then there are people who are really sincere and want to know more about homeschooling, without passing any judgments. To these people, I am more relaxed and open, and I probably share more with them.

Of all the comments and responses I've come across, one mother's response baffled and surprised me,

"Homeschooling, isn't that hard?"

I was so struck by the question, that I didn't know what to answer. It's like asking,

"Being pregnant, isn't that hard?"
or
"Marriage, isn't that hard?"
or
"Going to college, isn't that hard?"
or
"Working, isn't that hard?"
or
"Living life, isn't that hard?"

I can understand where she's coming from though, ad it makes me want to be a part of a group that promotes homeschooling, but to be truly honest, I really don't think much of myself and my experience as a homeschooler, because I know myself, and I know where I lack the most.

I'm not the most extroverted of people, so going out is a struggle for me, and when I do, it's not to necessarily socialize. I have found that my children are generally the same way, to different degrees. I blame it on myself, but then I tell myself that the society now places extrovertism on a pedestal, especially the American culture. I see the benefit it brings, but I also believe that quiet people can contribute a lot to the society, given the chance. In fact, the quiet people might have more to say than the extroverts, believe it or not.

We have been 'criticized' directly or indirectly over the years on our kids' perceived shyness. It is to say the least, stressful. I do blame myself though, because I do like to stay home a lot. I find that my kids warm up to people rather slowly, but once they do, they get attached to people rather strongly. In a way, I find that that can be a beneficial trait when they make friends, inshaallah, as they won't just go with any friend that comes knocking on the door, or at least I hope not.

Even hubby complains and worries about this, and in a way I feel like the blame is being put on me when he addresses it. There is nothing worse than realizing that you are butchering your kid's personality and traits by the way you are raising them. However, I stubbornly believe that sending them to public school is not the solution. I am always searching for a solution, and that is the trial and error part of parenting.

Alhamdulillah though, our families do not oppose us homeschooling our kids. Maybe they are hiding their disapproval, but overall they are very supportive, may Allah bless them.

On the other hand, there are also positive comments that we have received over the years. Some of them make us chuckle,

"You're a genius becuase you are homeschooled!" remarked a 15 year old girl to S, as she realized that S is able to read the Quran.

Some of them pleasantly surprise us,

"Mashaallah your children are very smart and well behaved."

Despite the rush of happiness those comments give me, I do get scared of praises, as you never know how your children are going to turn out later on, and even after you die. To all the positive comments, Alhamdulillah, and to all the negatives, may they drive us to further change ourselves for the better. Ameen.