Ummi Hitting the Books!

As Baby Z did an almost 180 degree turn with regards to his condition, I decided to take the exam yesterday instead of taking the deferral. The sooner I'm done with it, the better. So I started hitting the books Saturday evening (yes, a little bit too late, but I have started studying way before, just not extensively). I ended up staying up till over 1 am, propped on the couch with my laptop, studying the notes, while hubby accompanied me, albeit in deep slumber. Baby Z woke up, and we gave him his second dose of antibiotics.

I thought I was going to bed right away since he seemed so out of it, but he started coughing this dry cough that just wouldn't stop, poor baby. It took a while for him to fall asleep, mostly just tired from all the coughing. The next day, after Fajr, I hit the books again, this time upstairs, in the kids' room. It took a lot of effort for me to focus studying, and between bouts of emailing my friends and studying the notes, I somehow managed to actively study. By the time, I got into the rhythm of studying, I was making a timeline of the birth and death of the tabi' tabi'een and tabi' tabi' tabi'een. Suffice it to say, I was so engrossed that I never got up from my chair for hours.

The morning went on as usual around me; hubby preparing to cook, the kids having breakfast, feeding Baby Z. I even nursed Baby Z without getting out of the chair, eyes still afixed to the screen. As lunchtime came, H came in and brought me a plate of freshly cooked fried spaghetti that hubby had made for lunch. I put Baby Z in bed as soon as he fell asleep, and continued to study.

Alas! I had focused on the history of the compilers of hadith, but the exam focused on the technical part of the Sciences of Hadith. Instead of being all multiple choice, it was all short answer questions. Let's just say, I was disappointed and shocked, but I am also glad, because:

1. the exam in and of itself, is not the end, it's just a means
2. I ended up studying the compilers of hadith such that I am now excited about making lesson plans for the kids
3. not being able to answer the questions in the exam bothered me to the point that I now am telling myself that I need to study that part of the class, again.

Sure, the grade will bring down my CGPA, but I have moved away from the result-oriented system/perspective. With Islamic knowledge, good grades don't mean anything if the knowledge is not practiced or spread.

However, what struck me most last weekend, was the fact that 'Ummi hitting the books' affected the members of this household greatly. I recall the years of going to college full time with Baby S, then Baby S and Baby N while hubby also went to college full time. Studying was done rather haphazardly; whenever I could fit it in my busy schedule. Since I was also breastfeeding, when hours passed and milk overflowed, I would be tempted to rush home to feed the baby, abandoning any potential time spent at the computer lab to finish my programming assignments. It was definitely a different lifestyle.

Alhamdulillah I never had Plugged Milk Ducts back then, or mastitis. Considering the amount of stress I must have been in, it is truly a wonder that I never did, and that only proves that Allah makes some things easy for you when you are already facing hardships in other areas, subhanallah! Now, I am not even rushing to classes or even setting foot outside the house to go anywhere in a rush, but I am plagued with Plugged Milk Ducts over and over again like there is no tomorrow! It was only after I graduated and stayed home was I tested with a baby who had febrile seizures several times, bronchiolitis, and what not. And over the years, it was only after our kids have grown a bit(with no diapers to change) that we were tested with the death of a child. The tests we go through do make us stronger and wiser, alhamdulillah.

This past weekend, I had a glimpse into the slice of life I might have were I to pursue a degree; another one, or a higher one. Even though I have a desire to do so, I also have a desire and obligation to pursue more Islamic knowledge, hence all the AlMaghrib classes I took the trouble to attend. I have spent more than 4 years in college, and by the time I was done, I had 2 kids. It was high time I focused on pursuing Islamic knowledge considering how little I had in the beginning despite being in an Islamic boarding school for 5 years, which is not much of a surprise anyway. So here I am, hitting the books again, but this time, I'm doing so with a different mindset, alhamdulillah.

Isn't it amazing how we are all lifelong learners? Our status as 'students' will never cease to exist as long as we continue to seek knowledge, and what better knowledge to seek, than that that will bring us closer to our Creator? So to all 'seekers of knowledge' out there, may Allah grant you knowledge and wisdom, and purify your hearts so you will spread the knowledge to benefit the whole ummah. Ameen! As for me, I'll work on my own little 'ummah' right here inshaallah, and what better way to start than thinking up that lesson plan.