S: Narrative Writing Revised

Think about the shows you watch during the week on television. What kind of shows do you enjoy most? What kind of shows do you avoid? Watch a television show that you would normally not watch. On a separate piece of paper, write a review of that television show. Focus your review on a particular aspect of the show: the plot, the actors, the acting, or the writing. Back up your opinions and reactions with information from the show.

Crash: A Tale of Two Species

Did you ever know that there are birds that are becoming extinct now? Red knots are a small bird becoming extinct because of people. To save the Redknots, horseshoe crabs have to stop being taken by people because the crabs eggs give the Redknots protein for the long journey to the Arctic. But we might be too late to save them.

Biologist are studying Redknots. When they studied the birds, they started to study horseshoe crabs because that was the cause of the birds declining. They told people to stop taking Horseshoe crabs. Some of the birds didn't fatten up enough to fly to the Arctic. Then the birds flew.

When the biologists got there, there was not trace of a bird anywhere. They searched other parts of the Arctic, but there was nothing. They even listened for the birds, but it was as quiet as the moon. They gave up searchig. It was hopeless.

The Redknots were called moonbirds because they flew enough miles to get to the moon. Biologists are going to try to find the moonbird next year. But the birds might already be gone.

My opinion of this story is that it is interesting, because I learned more about an animal(s) that I didn't know much about before.

My reaction was absorbing in all the facts from the show.

Revised Version
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Crash: A Tale of Two Species

Do you know that there are birds that can fly all the way to the moon are becoming extinct? Red knots are small birds that are becoming extinct because of people. To save the Redknots, people have to stop taking horseshoe crabs because the crabs eggs give the Redknots protein for the long journey to the Arctic. But we might be too late to save them.

Biologist are studying Redknots. When they studied the birds, they started to study horseshoe crabs because that was the cause of the birds decline. They told people to stop taking Horseshoe crabs. Some of the birds didn't fatten up enough to fly to the Arctic, but they flew anyway. Those birds that didn't eat enough died or fell.

When the biologists arrived at the Arctic, there was no trace of a Redknot anywhere. They searched other parts of the Arctic, but there was nothing. They even listened for the birds, but it was as quiet as the moon. They gave up searchig. It was hopeless.

The Redknots are called moonbirds because they flew enough miles to get to the moon. Biologists are going to try to find the moonbirds next year. But the birds might already be gone.

I think that this story is interesting because I learned more about an animal(s) that I didn't know much about before. Throughout the show I was absorbing all the facts. I would watch this show again.

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She was probably adamant that hubby and I gave her B that she wanted to do the revision. It was one of the very best attitude she put forth in revising her writing. I later asked her though, if she liked doing it.

"No," was her answer, but I thanked her for her cheerful attitude and amiability during the revision.

For someone who started reading at the age of 3, is now an avid reader, and has a reading speed that is probably the same as that of an adult who is himself an avid reader, I am expecting better writing skills from S. Maybe it's just me being ignorant of how children her age write, or maybe it's just my perfectionism meddling in, or maybe she is truly capable or writing better. At any rate, this is still a learning process, and even if she never grows to like writing, I truly hope she does develop better writing skills inshaallah.

Today, I opened my inbox that contains communication between her assigned teacher and myself and this was what she said about S's writing:

S continues to make excellent progress in this area. Her writing skills are advanced for her age, very impressed with her growth!

I still can't see what she means. Hubby even suggested that maybe the teacher is saying so because we are non-native speakers, and for non-natives, she is good.